Two Roses
by trizfores
Summary: Their love broken because of a mistake. Eight years later, Severus and Hermione are forced to work together. What will happen? What has changed? Amongst everything that is broken, will anything ever become whole again? SSHG
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

_Warning: This story contains topics of abuse such as alcoholism and suicide._

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Chapter 1

Hermione Granger cursed at herself as she tried to squeeze ball into her right hand, attempting to grip it into her palm. Her success was barely short lived. Suddenly, the pain in her hand and wrist started to get worse as it spasmed. The ball fell onto the table, making her hang her head low and sigh in defeat.

Needing another heavy drink, she pushed herself up from her bar stool, and reached for the cupboard full of alcoholic beverages not far from her. She grabbed hold of the Jack Daniel's with her left hand, bit onto the bottle top with her teeth and twisted it off, before spitting it onto the table. Not bothering to get a glass, she chugged down a few gulps feeling the alcohol burn down her throat. With the bottle still in hand, she walked over to the closest window and looked outside.

It was bright and sunny outside. The water; crisp and blue right beneath the Golden Gate Bridge. She saw cars driving along the bridge, and debated whether to go to work or not. It was almost lunch time and there truly was no reason for her to rush or even attempt to. Her life had changed since the accident.

Hermione was twenty-eight and a potions mistress. She was a researcher and worked for a billion dollar firm, and got paid more than she could ever ask for. Her boss, Alan Grand was a very generous man, even buying her the modern town house in which she currently lived in. it wasn't like she couldn't afford it with what he paid her, but that is how he was with some of the people that worked for him.

She wasn't the only potions mistress in his company. He had an entire department dedicated to pharmaceuticals and potions research. Besides having an army of researchers working for him, he also was director of the best hospital in the city, also having the best doctors, and medical breakthroughs at his fingertips. Health wasn't his only business, but others such as communications and real estate.

Because of the sunlight, the glass window made Hermione catch a reflection of herself. Her face was scarred dramatically. The right half of it had claw marks that ran down from head to cheek, and her eyelid hung low. Closing her eyes, she remembered that unfaithful day a little over a year ago.

One of her test subjects, when she was trying to collect blood samples—a werewolf, had managed to get lose from its chains and went at her. She got knocked out, and hit on the head hard losing consciousness. Luckily for her, Alan had a walked into her lab shortly after. If he was a second later, maybe things would be different. Maybe she herself would be a werewolf, or worse, she'd be dead.

Hermione felt dead however. Ever since her accident, her life had changed another way and had gotten from bad to worse. Not only was her heart broken, but her career vague. She was unable to work, but Alan never fired her. He kept her on payroll and went to see after her from time to time making sure she was improving in her therapy. Honestly though, there was little change.

The brain damage she had gotten had affected her motor skills, thus not allowing her to use her right hand properly as she should. It was very difficult. She was right handed and could barely write a full sentence without grimacing in pain. For safety reasons, Hermione wasn't allowed to brew anymore. A slight error in her mixing of potions could cause her to be in another accident.

Werewolves were part of Hermione's research. She was trying to find a cure for lycanthropy. She was so close, she could feel it. A potion that she created through her current research was called Wolfsbane 6. It wasn't the regular wolfsbane potion that wizards and witches had to take every day. Instead, it was a single potion that only had to be taken every six months. Wolfsbane 6 though hadn't gone public. It had yet to be patented, as patenting did take a minimum of five years when it came to potions. There was still another three years left for it to go public. She hoped that within the five year time, the cure for lycanthropy would be found, but no. the accident had changed that, and now she wasn't so sure. She wanted to do the research, but wasn't allowed to.

With another few gulps of the Jack Daniels, Hermione wondered if she was going to ever be able to brew a potion ever again. Her doctor said that even with years of therapy, her wrist and hand wouldn't be a hundred percent, and would still spasm often. There was a very slim chance for her to heal completely, and train her hand to do things she wanted it to do.

Accepting the truth of the accident was very hard for Hermione, because she never accepted it. She kept on trying to push herself and her hand, until she was even on the verge of pain. Sometimes she'd me so pissed off at herself that she would punch the wall a few times and not give a shit anymore about it.

As Hermione felt her head slightly throb from the alcohol, she decided to go to work, missing her lab and being able to work in it. Quickly, she headed upstairs to her closet, putting on a Giants hoodie, a matching cap and a pair of sunglasses. She wore them all the time whenever she went out in public, never being comfortable with her appearance, though the scars inside her were deeper than the ones that were actually visible. They were very little help really.

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Hermione walked into the very tall building of Grand Industries. After going to her lab in the basement area, she thought to go up and visit her boss. Stepping out of the elevator, she walked out onto the top floor, and saw Hilda, his secretary, sitting behind her desk doing some paper work.

"Good morning Miss Granger," Hilda said in greeting. "What may I do for you today?"

"Is he inside?" Hermione asked, with her right hand tucked in deeply in her hoodie pocket. "I thought maybe to take him out for lunch. He doesn't have a lunch appointment does he?"

"Actually, Mr. Grand left earlier," Hilda informed Hermione. "He went to Hogwarts, but will be back later on."

"Shit!" Hermione said aloud, not liking what she heard at all. Right away, she bolted towards the fire escape, and ran up the stairs that led to the helipad, which was the apparition point that Alan used.

In a blink of an eye, Hermione was standing in the middle of the helipad, and then was gone.

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AN – This story will be emotionally heavy and complex. I'm actually very far into the story. This is what I've been writing on and off when I can vent my emotions. Love, like, or hate it? What do you think so far? **Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 2

Inside the Headmaster's office, there was a small gathering of people. It included the headmaster of Hogwarts himself Albus Dumbledore, Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, Horace Slughorn, and of course Alan Grand.

"So good to see you after all these years," Lucius said to Alan as he faced the slightly older wizard. "It's been a while since we went to business together."

"It has," Alan smiled. "Is there anything that you have interesting to offer?"

Lucius chuckled. "No. But do you? What brings you here to this part of the world?"

"Actually, I'm here for you Professor Snape," Alan said as he turned to face the dark wizard. The man did seem menacing as he glared at him. "I am in need of a potions master."

"Horace here," Severus said as he gestured to the wizard next to him, "is the potions master here. It's been a few years since I have taught potions. Currently I am teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"To my knowledge however, I believe that it was you that developed the Wolfsbane potion," Alan said. "I am here to make you an offer and to ask you to work for me as a private researcher."

"Wolfsbane?" Severus questioned. "Surely you can ask any potions master or mistress to brew it. It isn't that difficult. Horace is the one that taught me when I myself was a student here, not the other way around."

Alan smiled to himself and shook his head. "But you are the only potions master in the world that knows so much more about lycanthropy. Of course, second after my potions mistress. You are the best of the best in the world."

Severus arched a brow at the man. What the hell did he mean by second? And who was his potions mistress?

"I'm sure you've heard about the rumors of Wolfsbane 6?" Alan asked everyone around the room.

"You mean the Wolfsbane potion that lasts six months?" Horace asked.

Alan nodded. "Yes. And the rumors are true. Wolfsbane 6 is currently going under its patenting process and will go public in three years time."

"We have a friend that will benefit from the potion," Albus said in awe. He and the others were surprised that such a potion exists.

"My potions mistress is the one that developed the potion a few years back. Due to an unfortunate accident, she is unable to brew." Alan turned towards Severus. "That is where you come in, hoping that you'll work for me. We are very close to finding the cure to lycanthropy. In fact, here are the notes," he said reaching into the inside pocket of his robes. He pulled out a small thick folder, which was enlarged to its normal size before handing it to Severus.

Severus eyes scanned the notes, along with Horace who leaned in to glance at them as well. His eyes read the words back and forth across the paper as he murmured some of the words and the findings on the paper. "… mixed with unicorn's blood… wolf cell count drops to seventy percent… permanent." Severus raised his head to look at Alan, his brow furrowed. "This has been tested and proven?"

"Every single one of them," Alan replied.

"Unicorn's blood?" Horace said and then he chuckled. "Who would've thought? Severus, you are the right man for the job. You only got as far as Wolfsbane. You can go further with the potions mistress and truly find a cure."

Before Severus could say anything, Albus's door suddenly burst open. A familiar looking woman walked in.

"I said no Alan," Hermione said angrily as he walked towards the man that stood on his feet. "This wasn't what I agreed to."

"Hermione?" Severus said in disbelief. She was the potions mistress that Alan had been talking about? She was the one that developed Wolfsbane 6?

Hermione turned her head and face Severus. Her sunglasses hid her eyes and the tears that threatened to escape from her eyes. She turned to face Alan, remembering the reasons as to why she came in the first place. "I didn't agree to anything, and I sure as hell won't work with Snape!"

"Like hell I'm going to work with you!" Severus snapped. He wasn't a single bit pleased to know that it was her. Standing up from his chair, he crossed his arms over his chest and looked angrily at Hermione's back. "You probably stole my notes when you were apprenticing for me."

Hermione lowered her head. Severus's words had hurt her, going directly for her already broken heart. She could feel his glare behind her, as if burning at her back. She was probably never going to earn his trust again, not that it would surprise her. "You showed me your notes. I never stole them. I simply just memorized them. There's a difference."

"Bullshit!" Severus barked.

"Don't Severus," Albus said, raising his hand.

"Now that's enough!" Alan said as he raised his voice. "Can't the both of you just set your personal issues aside and work together?"

"If you just allow me to prove to you that I can brew on my own, I'll do it," Hermione said in a plea looking up at her employer. She took off her shades and showed him the desperation in her teary eyes. Her scar though was still unseen by the others.

"Brew alone?" Alan scoffed. "Surly you're joking. You are walking a very thin line Hermione. You're alcoholism and your injuries will surely cost you your life in the next potions accident. That is a risk that I am not willing to take."

People remained silent around them, listening to the conversation between the two. Among all of them, it was Severus who was most intent about the conversation, curious as to what had happened to Hermione.

"It was never about the alcohol before. I was completely sober that time," Hermione defended herself. She wasn't single bit drunk during the time of her accident.

"Regardless." Alan shook his head and knew how much the project meant to her. "Don't you think that I care about you and your welfare?" His relationship with Hermione was more than just business. He looked at her as if she was the daughter that he never had, and cared for her very much.

"What'll it take for me to prove myself to you, that I can do it on my own?" Hermione asked again.

Alan looked around for a moment, before spotting Lucius's cane. He grabbed it and held it out to her. "Turn it with your hand. If you can't or if I see you flinch just once, we do things my way. You'll have to work with Professor Snape or with whoever else I hire."

Hesitantly, Hermione pulled her right hand out of her pocket and took the cane in her hand. She turned slightly raising her arm up, making the cane parallel to the floor.

Others around her gasped in shock, seeing the scars on her face.

Severus felt a tug on his heart that he hadn't felt in years. A part of him wanted to ease her pain away. He gulped feeling a lump in his throat. Her pain and sorrow had taken him by surprise completely. It was unexpected.

Through clench teeth, Hermione tried to ignore the pain as she turned her wrist somewhat, just tilting the cane up the slightest bit. When it was too much for her, her hand spasmed, making her lose her hold on the cane. In slow motion, her eyes watched it fall to the floor, knowing it was the end of her career.

"Hermione?" Lucius questioned as he bent down to pick up his cane. His eyes looked up at her; she had remained completely silent for a short while.

"I quit," Hermione said brokenly. Her eyes were still downcast towards the floor. The tears in her eyes had finally escaped, flowing down her cheeks.

"What?" Alan said in shock. Did his ears hear him right?

"I said, I quit," Hermione repeated. She raised her head and face Alan. "It's over for me. There's nowhere for me to go. My career has ended, and I should've known that long time ago."

"You're joking right Hermione?" Alan couldn't believe what he was hearing. He refused it. "I came here to get some help for you. You are so close to finding the cure."

"Then it's not meant to be for me," Hermione said softly. "I can't even cut a steak on my own. Maybe I just needed a wakeup call to realize the truth, and this was it. I can't work and brew potions anymore." Hermione walked around slowly towards the small liquor table behind Albus's desk grabbing the scotch bottle. "Take my name off the patent of Wolfsbane 6, and put Severus's name on it instead. After all, it was his knowledge that created the first Wolfsbane potion in the first place."

"Where are you going? Don't tell me you're going to go out and get yourself drunk again? This isn't San Francisco. The bartenders here don't know who to call once you pass out on the floor. The press here will print out a story of you no doubt once one of them spots you," Alan said as he watched Hermione walk towards the door. He knew the dangers of her returning and everyone else finding out. Worry was on his mind.

Hermione stopped at the door, and spoke not bothering to look back over her shoulder. "I don't work for you anymore Alan. I have no fear if the press prints anything about me being drunk, and labeling me an alcoholic. They already called me a whore before, so what's worse than that? Anyways, Snape is the best there is, and so is Horace. They'll help you with your research. I won't be a liability to you anymore." With those final words, she walked out of Albus's office, leaving everyone stunned and speechless.

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AN – Obviously, Severus and Hermione have had some history together. **Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 3

Hermione was seated on a stool in the Three Broomsticks. It was the closest drinking place to Hogwarts. On the way, she had quickly chugged down the contents of the bottle from Albus's office, already having had a few more glasses of scotch, which now was empty before her. She had been at the bar for about two hours or so.

Rosemareta wasn't forgetful and knew exactly who Hermione was. Never had she forgotten a student that had stepped into her establishment in all her life. It was shocking to see Hermione with the way she looked, seeing the partial scar on her cheek. With the sunglasses and all, it was hard to study things completely. What shocked her all the more was how much the woman was able to drink. Hermione managed to hold herself up better than many of the male wizards that were her regulars. By her judgment, it was too much alcohol for anyone to consume, and unhealthy. The Hermione that was sitting in front of her wasn't the Hermione that she knew before.

"Give me another glass will you Rosie?" Hermione said with a slight slur as she banged her empty glass down onto the wood. Her head throbbed painfully as she felt tipsier than earlier. She placed her head down on her bicep, as her arms stretched on the counter.

The barkeep ignored Hermione's order and went inside the kitchen through the door behind her. Shortly after, she walked out with a small plate in her hand, placing it in front of Hermione.

"What the bloody hell is that?" Hermione frowned, staring at the food in front of her.

"It's a grilled cheese sandwich," Rosemareta replied. "You need to put something in that stomach of yours with all the liquor you've been drinking. It'll make you feel better."

"Bollocks!" Hermione said angrily, slamming her fist down. "I ordered another glass a scotch, and that is what I want. Not some stinking arse sandwich."

Rosemareta stared at Hermione for a moment, thinking to serve her another glass or not. Drinking hours hadn't started yet and she could see that her only customer was way passed drunk. Was she ever going to pass out? And if so, when? She didn't want Hermione to cause a scene. Her other customers would be arriving soon no doubt as dinner was fast approaching. She reached for the sandwich, attempting to return it back to the kitchen, but was stopped when a hand was placed atop hers.

"Just leave the sandwich and get my drink," Hermione said slowly. Left alone with the sandwich, she slowly ripped a piece of it off, and chewed on it. It was tempting earlier, and had slightly satisfied her when she tasted it on her tongue. A few hours ago, all she had was a bowl of cereal and seeing the sandwich reminded her of how hungry she was.

The past had been hunting and hurting her for eight years. She left and went to America to start a new life, hoping to never see the people that had so much effect on her as before, most of all, Severus. She never denied it or lied to herself—her heart was still very much in love with the man that she once thought she would spend the rest of her life with.

Once, they were both so in love with each other. Nothing else mattered in the world. One night however, things had taken a different turn. It was a mistake, a false error on her part, but there was nothing she could do about it. Severus had broken up with her right away, not allowing her to explain the truth. From then on, life was never the same. Even with her success and fortune, it didn't make Hermione happy. She never loved again, as her love remained true to one man.

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Lucius walked into the Three Broomsticks spotting Hermione at the bar. He had taken it to himself to look for her, knowing that she couldn't have gone far. After all, there was really one bar in Hogsmeade. The rest were in Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley. His first guess was the one that was the closest to Hogwarts. Like Severus, he was a double spy for the Order. He was used to tracking people down, but it didn't take rocket science to find her.

"What do you want?" Hermione hissed seeing the tall, long haired wizard walk towards him.

"I came to see if you were doing well," Lucius replied, sitting himself down right next to her. He took off his gloves and let his cane lean on the wood beneath the counter. "I told Alan that I would look after you and bring you home later safe and sound."

"I'm no longer that little girl. I can look after myself," Hermione said as she reached for her drink that Rosemereta brought.

"Don't try and ignore it Hermione. There are plenty of people that care about you, not wanting anything to harm you. I being one of them," Lucius said softly.

"Everyone, except for the man that means so much to me." Hermione could feel her heart paining as if it were breaking all over again. Severus was still angry at her; it was very obvious with the way he had talked to her hours ago.

"You can't blame him Hermione."

"Yeah, but everyone blames me," Hermione said before taking a gulp from her drink. "I admit I slept with Ron. I can't lie about that. Severus found us in_ his _bed, together. How do you think that made me feel?" She shook her head, remembering that awful morning as if it just happened earlier. "I never did well with alcohol before. Ron took me out for a drink, and I got to drunk. He took advantage of the situation and slept with me. I didn't know what I was doing then. I would _never_ cheat on Severus if I knew… never."

"We heard he got married to some English woman in Egypt and we all thought it was you," Lucius informed Hermione.

"I didn't go with Ron when he decided to leave. I left going elsewhere," Hermione said. "He and I were never together, and I never was in love with him."

"Then why didn't you explain yourself?" Lucius asked. "We never heard from you or him, thinking that the both of you started a life elsewhere."

"Would it have mattered? You might have believed me, along with everyone else. Severus though… he never would believe me Maybe, I don't know. He never even allowed me to explain the truth. His opinion is what matters to me, and no one else's. So it didn't matter."

Lucius noticed the empty glasses in front of Hermione, surprised at just how much she had been drinking. "It seems like you can handle yourself with more alcohol this time around."

"Funny how the thing that ruined my life has become my best friend," Hermione said as she raised her glass at him. She gulped down the last of its contents, savoring the flavor in her tongue. "Though I must say, Jack Daniel's is my favorite. What I love about him is that he doesn't answer back or lecture at me, giving me a hard arse time."

Lucius kept silent to himself not voicing out his opinion towards Hermione and her alcoholism. There were times when he himself had become close with the bottle, but never had he called it his best friend. He knew where to draw the line. Clearly, Hermione didn't, and she needed help. He was afraid that if he said something, he wasn't so sure how she'd react. This wasn't the same Hermione, and it worried him. He barely recognized her with her very much broken and battered soul. Was it all because of the break up in the past?

"So where'd Alan go?" Hermione asked.

"He went to San Francisco to get some things ready for Severus," Lucius answered. "It took awhile to persuade him, but he gave in eventually."

Hermione nodded. "I was robbed off my job then."

"You still have it," Lucius informed Hermione. "I don't think that Alan took your words seriously. You weren't serious were you?"

"I was," Hermione said not looking at Lucius. "I can't work. I can't do anything. I'll just be some alcoholic bum living off the millions that Alan gave me over the years. Lucky me for his generosity."

"Severus has agreed to work with you. The project will not continue without you."

"It will continue without me. I don't want to continue being a liability to Alan, his company, or anyone else. I don't need anyone's pity."

"Is that what you think?"

"No Lucius," Hermione said as she turned to face him, "That is what I know. It is a fact. And you heard Severus earlier; he doesn't want to work with me."

"Don't you know how much the project needs you?"

"I'll only slow it down, and nothing more. If I could still brew, I surely would have found a cure already without anyone's help."

"Can't see things differently in another perspective?" Lucius asked.

"Can't you see things in mine?" Hermione countered back.

"It isn't the end of the world. You are young and still have many years ahead of you," Lucius said, trying to push some rational sense into the very stubborn witch.

"It may not be the end of the world, but… it is the end of my career… my life," Hermione drawled slowly. "Don't force things into my head Malfoy, because you aren't going to succeed a single bit."

Lucius shook his head. Where was the Gryffindor witch that he once knew? The one that helped defeat Voldemort? "Hermione…" he paused for a moment, not really knowing how to begin on what he was about to tell her. "Before Severus goes to San Francisco, he'll be in Paris for a few days. He has to inform Giselle of the job that he has taken, and talk things out with her."

"Giselle?" Hermione questioned. Who exactly was the girl? She had never heard of a Giselle from anyone before, or known of any.

"Yes. Giselle Fournier. She's Severus's fiancée. Not exactly a potions mistress per say, but she does mix perfumes for designer companies," Lucius informed her.

"Well, he certainly has moved on," Hermione said solemnly. "I however still love him," she mumbled out loud, not knowing that Lucuis heard her. Her heart was breaking all over again. All false hope of Severus and her getting back together again had just been thrown out the window. Before, they were just a couple. They had never gotten as far as being engaged. Yes, they did talk about marriage from time to time, but never went past that.

"I just thought best that you'd hear it from me now then find out another way later," he said softly.

"It doesn't matter what I think, but as long as he is happy, who am I to complain," she sniffled. Gods how she wished she had just died in her accident instead of surviving.

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AN – A few things have been explained. Not exactly what you might have expected. More will be explained further as the story continues. **Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 4

A week had gone by since the drama and chaos at Hogwarts.

For the nth time that week, Hermione was drunk as hell. She was sprawled down on the living room floor, with her Jack Daniel's in hand. She was quite enjoying the silence of the house, having purposely turned off her mobile phone, and ripped the chord from her land line. No doubt it was Alan that had been trying to call her the past few days.

Hermione clutched her right hand to herself as it spasmed again. It hurt as hell. She hadn't gone to her physical therapist and didn't feel like it. She didn't feel like doing much at all and just locked herself up at home. Good thing she had a few box fulls of Jack Daniel's in the pantry. She wasn't going to run low on them any time soon, after all, ordering them was really just a phone call away. That'd be the only time she'd turn on her phones to use and order her well needed alcohol.

"Hermione!" a familiar voice shouted after several rings of her doorbell. Next, there were a few loud bangs on the wood of her front door.

"I'm not here!" Hermione shouted back. She closed her eyes in annoyance. The stupid sounds were echoing in her ear drums. She placed her palms over her ears, and wished that Alan would go away soon. When she opened her eyes, she groaned, seeing two wizards towering over her. The looks on their faces were anything but pleasant.

"You weren't joking about her alcoholism," Severus sneered in disgust as he looked down at Hermione.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Hermione spat in frustration.

"Are you forgetting that I do have my own set of keys?" Alan said waving the objects annoyingly a few feet above her face. "Anyways, Severus here also has a set of his own since he will be staying with you."

"What?" Hermione asked as she tried to sit up, her hands pushing up. She was too drunk to even get up on her own, and just fell back down onto the floor. "He's not staying with me!" Hermione said as she pointed up at Alan. "And I don't work for you anymore," she said, pointing up at Severus.

"You're too bloody drunk," Severus said in annoyance as he squatted down onto the floor, placing his hands beneath her shoulders, and pulled her up.

"Fuck you!" Hermione slurred as she tried to push the man off behind her, with her arms flailing in the air. "I don't need a baby sitter!"

Alan too squatted down, but in front of Hermione. He grasped her chin in his hand, making her look at him. "You listen well Hermione, and you listen good," he demanded in a firm voice. "You still work for me. I am giving you the opportunity to still keep your position and career, and let me tell you other employers will not do the same. You will work with Severus day in and day out. I know how workaholic you can be, and I want you to get back into the rhythm of things."

Hermione tried to squirm away, but the pair of arms that were holding her from behind was just too strong.

Alan cupped her face strongly, but not painfully in his hand, making Hermione look at him again. "Severus will be staying with you since I cannot watch over you twenty-four hours a day. You have two spare bedrooms, which is more than enough room for you. You will also attend your physical therapy sessions. I will not allow you missing another one."

"You can't tell me what to do!" Hermione said in anger. "This is my home, and you're trespassing. I'll have you arrested. I don't work for you anymore!"

"Oh really?" Alan asked. "And what will you do if I have you locked up in rehab until you get your alcoholism knocked out of your system?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes at Alan. He wouldn't dare!

"Just as I thought," Alan smirked. "Now I have to go to the office." He stood up and straightened out his clothes. "Make sure she's at least cleaned up before going to work tomorrow," he told Severus, before leaving Hermione's home.

"Come on, up!" Severus grunted as he stood up on his feet, pulling Hermione up with him. She was almost like dead weight, putting no effort until she was on her feet. Still, he had to burden most of her weight as she sagged against him. He wasn't at all a single bit pleased about the situation he was in. Staying in a hotel was the option he would've gone for. But no, after all, it was still Hermione. Even though he was still angry at her, he had to make sure that she was alright.

Hermione groaned. The sudden jolt of movement made everything spin, including her stomach. When she was forced to turn around, she suddenly vomited out the contents of her stomach.

Severus closed his eyes in absolute disgust. The liquid that had come out of Hermione smelled awful, as it was a mix of her alcohol and stomach acid. He couldn't remember the last time he was puked on. He always kept his distance from students when he noticed the green looks on their faces in potions classes before. He opened his eyes only to see Hermione's half lidded open ones.

"Why do you smell sour?" Hermione slurred as she slumped forward. She didn't notice that her face had landed on his chest, and some of the remnants of the vomit. She smiled against his shirt. It felt so good to be held by him, after the longest of time. In no time, she passed out.

"Gods, dammit Hermione!" Severus said through clenched teeth. He lifted her in his arms. A heavy burden is what she was, and not just physically. With her head hanging low, along with her arms, Severus ascended the stairs in a sideway stance so that Hermione wouldn't hit the railings with her head.

Upstairs, Severus quickly found the master bedroom, and walked into the bathroom. Seeing the tub, he headed towards that direction immediately, and placed Hermione in it. He then reached for the cold water tap, and turned it on full swing.

"What the—" Hermione sputtered, jerking in the shower, trying to cover herself. The water and the tiles were not a good combination. "Fucking hell, its freezing!"

"As it should be," Severus sneered. He remained squatting at the edge of the tub, not bothering the slightest bit that he was slightly getting wet with minor thrashing that Hermione was having.

Hermione glared at Severus. "Fuck you Severus! Why don't you just let me be and leave?!"

"Because I promised Alan that I wouldn't."

Hermione snorted. "Oh really? How much is he paying you to babysit me? Must be a lot since you're here in front of me." Suddenly she was jerked towards Severus, her face almost touching his.

"I am doing you a favor Hermione," Severus said through clenched teeth. His fists tightened in the front of her soaked shirt. "Research is never about money, but passion, and being able to help wizard kind. I thought I taught you that?"

"It must've slipped my mind long time ago. Or I must've vomited out that piece of information when I was drunk. I don't seem to remember," Hermione said, just as strongly as he spoke, with the same amount of anger in her voice.

Reluctantly, Severus let go of Hermione's shirt, making her sag back into the tub. "Who the bloody hell are you? This isn't you Hermione."

"And you know who I am?" Hermione scoffed at him. "Then tell me who I am since you're such a fucking expert at it."

Severus shook his head in disbelief. "Before, I used to hate you. Now, I just pity you, to the lowest degree."

Severus's words, hit Hermione, and made her teary immediately. Luckily they were mixing up with the water on her cheeks. She didn't want him to know that she was crying. "Then why don't you hate me? It'll make things easier for you," Hermione said brokenly.

"You're the one that ruined things, not me. Do _not_ forget that," Severus said. He then stood up and left her alone.

Curled up in a ball, as the water continued to cascade down on her, Hermione cried her eyes out. She put herself down and told herself that she deserved it. Her life was shit. She wasn't going to complain about it. Nothing seemed to go right anymore.

---

"Dinner's ready," Severus announced as he walked into Hermione's bedroom. Instead of finding her awake, he saw that she was sound asleep on her bed.

Hermione was lying on her side, hugging a pillow as if she was hugging someone else. Since she was only wearing her knickers, more of the scars from her accident were visible. There were numerous scars on her back, on the right side of her body, and even some on front of her body right below her right breasts.

Severus's mouth gaped open in surprise. Alan had explained to him how Hermione's accident had happened. He imagined the scars, and knew how bad werewolf attacks could get. But actually seeing them was a different story. He sat down on the edge of her bed, and looked at her body.

There was a tug at his heart. It seemed like she was so vulnerable. Something he had never seen with Hermione. She was always headstrong and brave. The Hermione that he had met all over again was someone different altogether. Drunkard, broken, and he hated to say it, cowardly as well. He touched her skin, his fingers dancing of the bumps of what once he knew was soft and smooth. What had happened to her that made her turn out this way?

Severus turned his head towards the nightstand. A few things on it had caught his attention. In a small picture frame, there was a picture of him and Hermione taken nine years ago he remembered. The both of them dancing were dancing closely and looking at each other with warm smiles. That night he remembered vividly. He hated Yule Balls and chaperoning the students. Hermione however was the highlight for him. She wore a navy blue dress, which made her look like a goddess.

A frown went on Severus's brow as he saw a flower holder, with two red roses. One rose was dead, its petals having the darkest shade or maroon, as it wilted. The other one was bright and red and perfect, but something was a little off about it. He reached out and touched it—it was a fake. Why would she have a fake red rose, and a real one that was dead and wilting?

There was a pet name he had for her when they were together. Severus used to call her 'My Rose.' Every week, with no avail, he would give her a single red rose. Hermione had always seemed perfect to him before, like she was the most perfect rose in the whole world. Until…

Remembering the past with her pained him. He didn't want to remember it, anything of it—the good and the bad. She had penetrated into his heart deeper than anyone could, and broke it.

"Severus…" Hermione murmured softly as she snuggled into her pillow a little more.

Severus turned his attention towards Hermione. He frowned when he wondered why in the world she would call to him in her sleep.

Not wanting to stay a second later because of the many questions that were building up behind his head, Severus reached for the sheets, tucking Hermione beneath them. Just before exiting the room, he turned the light switch off and silently closed the door behind her.

Outside Severus stood, with his hand still on the doorknob. He massaged his temples in frustration and confusion. He had a feeling that he shouldn't have accepted Alan's offer.

-----

AN – What are your assumptions about the two roses? **Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 5

Hermione looked out the car window of the Audi saloon car that she and Severus was riding. In the front, a chauffeur was the one at the wheel. The days when Hermione was going to work regularly, there was always a chauffeur waiting for her outside the house on standby. He worked for the company, and was directly employed by Alan for her.

Hermione did know how to drive, and knew her way around San Francisco and some parts throughout the California state. Her top down Mini Cooper was rarely used. On occasion she would take it out for a drive, spending a day or two out of town on her own. However, because of her drinking problems, Alan didn't allow her to drive most of the time, even before her accident. She understood the reasons. She herself didn't approve of drinking and driving. Other people may get hurt because of her, and that was something that she couldn't handle. During the times when she would drive, she made sure she was sober and not drink at all.

"I can feel you staring at me," Hermione hissed at. She was wearing her usual sweatshirt with her hood, and her sun glasses. "I know how I look. Stop it and look outside your own blasted window!"

"I wasn't staring at your scar if that's what you think," Severus replied. Actually, he was staring at her because he was trying to read her, and figure her out. He thought about using Legilimens on her, but remembered that she was skilled at it. She would be able to feel him try to penetrate her mind, and she would shove him out of it. During the days of the war, he had trained her, just like he had trained Harry.

"You can say whatever you want," Hermione said as she reached into her pocket for her metal flask. After taking a few gulps of from it, she continued to speak. "Everyone stares at me because of how I look… _hideous._"

"That's a harsh word to use," Severus said. She didn't look hideous to him at all. "Isn't it a little too early to drink?"

"Never too early," Hermione replied, and then drank a little again. "With the breakfast you cooked earlier, I'm all good. It'll take awhile for the alcohol to get into my system thanks to your pancakes."

"God damn Hermione," Severus muttered as he shook his head in disbelief.

"God damn what?!" Hermione snapped at him, raising her voice. She turned towards him, took off her sunglasses, and looked directly into his eyes. "Come on, say it! Don't hold back and speak your mind!"

"I'm not going to say anything," Severus said lowly. "I came and agreed to work with you. Things are complicated as they are. I'd rather keep to myself so as things won't get more complicated."

"Too scared to speak the truth?" Hermione asked.

"No," Severus replied. "You're the one who should be scared to hear it."

"Screw you!" Hermione said. She turned her head and looked outside the window again after putting on her sunglasses. He was right. She was too scared to hear the truth, most especially if she had to hear it from him.

---

Inside Hermione's private office and lab, Severus remained seated on a tall stool as his elbows rested on the cool metal of the potions table in front of him. Instead of Hermione showing him around the place, she let him glance around on his own. The only thing that she pointed at and told him to keep out off was the small refrigerator that stood beneath a shelf that had a variety of alcohol in them, as well as a few boxes of microwavable food. He was surprised that she had alcohol in her office, more surprised when she pulled out a cold can of beer and drank a few gulps quickly.

"Aren't you going to start working?" Hermione asked as she lounged on the sofa bed on one side of the room. She had spent many hours on it. When she wouldn't go home from working too hard, it's where she would spend the night.

"Me?" Severus arched a brow. "Isn't it supposed to be we?"

Hermione shook her head and sighed. "When are you ever going to get it?" she murmured against her beer can, before tipping it over on her mouth. "I can't brew for shit."

"That's why I'm here," Severus said as he stood up from the stool. He started to walk around, so that he knew where things were, and that he could get a feel for the place. There were so many rare ingredients besides unicorn's blood in the ingredients shelf. Working for a man such as Alan did have its bonuses, and getting hands on such ingredients were simpler, and maybe even endless.

Hermione watched him behind her sunglasses with sharp eyes. Severus was about a step towards her little corkboard of notes, cards, pictures and whatnots. Her pulse started to race, knowing that Severus would see things and probably was going to question them.

Severus frowned as he stepped in front of Hermione's corkboard. It looked like the ones that teenagers had in their room. There were heart and star stickers, receipts, notes and scribbles, and of course pictures. The frown on his face deepened when he saw a picture of him and Hermione on his bed long ago, laughing at the camera. He remembered that it was her that took the picture, having her arm stick out in the air, holding the camera. It was a joke that they were laughing about, or something, he couldn't quite remember that part.

Seeing himself laugh made Severus feel uneasy. He couldn't quite remember the last time he had done it. It seemed like years ago when he last remembered when. Sure, he had a fiancé, Giselle, but things with them were different. He tried to recall one moment of laughter with Giselle, through the past three years with her. No. She never made him laugh. It was only Hermione that made him laugh. She was different from Giselle in so many ways, and as he thought about it more, he was starting to feel bothered.

Needing to focus elsewhere, Severus spotted another picture. It was recent he could tell. Hermione was smiling brightly with a very large rose tucked behind her ear. At the background there was a big wooden and simple structure, with a sign that read 'Alice's Inn and Rose Farm.' In the photo, Hermione wasn't wearing her sunglasses or sweatshirt. Her bright smile seemed very insecurity free even with her scar showing. She seemed like the Hermione he knew before.

"Why do you have pictures of us?" Severus asked as he turned to face her. He saw her sigh and shake her head. "Not just here, but in your home as well."

"My personal life is none of your concern Snape!" Hermione said dangerously. It already was hard enough hearing that he was engaged, and worse, hear painful words come from his own mouth.

Severus arched a brow at her. "Oh really? Then why _our _pictures?" he said pointing at them on the wall.

"I like to keep them, so what?" Hermione spat back. "What is it to you anyway? You've moved on with what's her name?—Giselle. Why do you look so surprised?" she asked seeing him frown in confusion. "Lucius told me about her when you were in Paris. Nothing personal really, except the fact that you're engaged." Thankfully she was wearing her sunglasses, otherwise her teary eyes would be seen. But she refused to let them fall. Not this time, not over a woman she knew nothing off or never seen.

"Like I said, you were the one that ruined it," Severus growled as he stalked around the table and sat back on the stool.

"Like you know the truth!" Hermione shouted.

"Of course I know the truth!" Severus bellowed. "I saw it with my own eyes—you and Weasley. And of all things, in my bed, in my chambers!"

"You never even gave me a chance to explain myself."

"What was there to explain Hermione? The truth doesn't get more real than what my eyes saw. Like people say, seeing is believing, and I believe what I saw."

Hermione bit on her bottom lip. Severus was as stubborn as one could get. If she said something else, their argument would never end, and would even get worse. She didn't want to go down that path. Her head ached from last night, and she was in no mood to fight. She crossed her arms over her chest when she threw the empty beer can away, and kept silent to herself.

"Nothing to say?" Severus sneered. When Hermione didn't say anything, he decided to change the subject. "Well, are you going to help me or not? If we work together, we will get things done faster. Merlin only knows how much I don't want to be here and around you. The sooner this project finishes, the sooner I can get back to Hogwarts and my life."

How could he be that cruel and hurtful to her? Hermione felt her lip start to tremble. She jumped out off the sofa quickly, and headed towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Severus shouted after her.

"Work on your own Snape! You don't want me here, I'm not working with you." Hermione walked out of her office, slamming the door as hard as she could.

"Bugger!" Severus muttered, as he massaged the space between his eyes. He knew he had to get some work done. He walked towards the filing cabinet, and searched for any notes that he would need, besides the ones that Alan had given him.

-----

"I cannot—will not work with Snape!" Hermione said aloud as she stormed inside Alan's office. Just a second ago, when Hilda said that he wasn't in a meeting, she didn't bother to wait and be called in.

Alan, who was working on his ledgers, looked up at Hermione, and placed his pen down. "I know you two have a past, but you'll have to set your differences aside," he said calmly. "And when you do, I'm sure you'll get the project done in no time."

"Easier said than done," Hermione snorted as she walked towards the windows and looked outside.

"He agreed to work with you, why can't you do the same?" Alan asked.

"I can't stand him," Hermione said as she leaned her forehead on the cool glass.

"Oh my God!" Alan exclaimed when he realized what was happening. "You're still in love with him," he said. It wasn't a question.

"This is shit!" Hermione said as she started to walk towards the door.

"Where you going?" Alan asked.

"Don't bother asking," Hermione replied before she walked out of his office.

Alan sat back in his chair, very much deep in thought. Hermione was going to go out and get drunk again, no doubt. He knew that she and Severus were at item in the past. Though she never did explain how and why they got together, or even why they had broken up. He always wondered why she kept things from their past in her home, and office. Now, he knew the answer.

---

AN – Some of you were partially correct on guessing what they meant to Hermione. It'll come out eventually, but nowhere too soon. First day of hell. What do you think? **Review!**

**Blog: **I just started a blog for my fanfiction. URL is in my profile. Please do check it out. :)


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 6

Severus stirred the potion in the cauldron slowly in a clockwise motion, making sure to count every single stir properly, until he reached twenty. He reached for the pixie dust nearby, and added a pinch of the silvery substance in, before stirring again. When he finished, he put the potion on a simmer, for it had to simmer for at least twenty-four hours before continuing on.

When he came into the office earlier, he came alone. Hermione wasn't home anymore when he was calling her for breakfast. It didn't surprise him. Second day with her, and into work, again she was missing, and probably drinking her arse off somewhere. Last night he saw her arrive past midnight, stumbling into the house. He watched her silently in the shadows of the living room, until he saw her climb the stairs and slam the door.

Yes, there were times in his life were Severus did drink an excessive amount of alcohol because of whatever problems. However, he always did it in the privacy of his own home. He did drink a lot during those times, but the definition of a lot for him changed with the present Hermione. In the past, she would stop with two glasses of wine for she would already be somewhat tipsy. Now, with the amount of alcohol that he had seen in her home, he wondered if she would ever stop at all. It was just too much, too abusive of a substance that could be dangerous on such levels.

Severus didn't want to worry, he couldn't—but he did. He worried about the project not being able to get done, worried about Hermione not working with him or without him. She was already a pain in his arse, and it was something that he didn't want to deal with. On a personal level, though he did seem cold-hearted, he did worry for her and about her—drinking, health… everything. He didn't want to, but he couldn't stop himself.

The door opened, and Hermione walked in. She removed her sunglasses as she walked towards the refrigerator. After opening the door, she pulled out a pack of breakfast Hotpockets, and popped it in the microwave.

"Had enough rum in your coffee?" Severus sneered.

"Can you shut the fuck up?!" Hermione asked, her back remained towards him. She was tired and exhausted. Her wrist and hand hurt even though she already took a pain potion. Even her head hurt with a throbbing migraine. "God dammit!"

"You know we had work, and here I am again, working all on my own," Severus said angrily. "I need to know your whereabouts at least, just in case I have to ask questions. I don't want to tolerate your drinking, but I swear Hermione, if it really gets to me, I will throw every single bit of alcohol that you have away."

"For your information, I wasn't out drinking," Hermione snapped as she turned to face him. "I came from the hospital and just had my physical therapy. And right now, I'm starving since I haven't eaten breakfast." She opened the microwave and held the small plate in her right hand. Her hand suddenly shook, allowing the plate to slip from her grasp. It shattered to the floor as the fell into a messy mush. "Shit!" Hermione cursed as she cradled her right arm in her left.

Severus got off his stool right away, and made his way towards Hermione. "Don't Hermione," he said as he stopped her from squatting down on the ground. "Sit down. I'll clean up and heat up a new one."

Hermione didn't complain as she made her way towards the sofa bed. She lay down immediately, feeling more tired. The physical therapy session she had earlier had taken a lot out of her. It had been over a month since she last went. Trying to make her mind concentrate and tell her arm not to shake, squeeze, turn and more was tiring. She tried to command her body to do something that it wouldn't or couldn't do. By the end of the session, her head had broken out in a sweat at the effort she put in.

"Orange or cranberry juice?" Severus asked.

"Anything," Hermione sighed weakly.

Severus grabbed a tetra pack of orange juice, and poked a straw in it. After, he gave it to Hermione along with the Hotpocket. "How was therapy?"

"Why do you care?" Hermione asked with her mouth full. "It was a pain. I'm sure you're thrilled to know that."

Severus ignored her comment. "Next time tell me when you have a session. You don't have to go to work when you're too tired."

"Then I'll just have my therapy everyday so that I don't have to work with you," Hermione mumbled as she set the small plate on her stomach. "Just give me a few minutes to rest, and I'll get my arse off this couch and help you."

Severus didn't say anything as he watched Hermione close her eyes. He took hold of the plate in one hand, her little breakfast only half done. He set the plate aside along with the tetra pack, before grabbing the throw. Unfolding it, he covered her and made sure she was kept warm.

There was nothing else to do, Severus thought as he finished Hermione's Hotpocket. He was teaching himself how to brew Wolfsbane 6 with her notes. He saw the latest potions journal on her desk, and decided to read it.

---

Hermione woke up, and slowly stretched her body and arched her neck a few times, getting the cranks out in it. With a few pops, she felt relieved. As she opened her eyes, she was surprised to find herself in her office. Suddenly, she remembered what had happened, and turned to see Severus seated behind her desk.

"Evening," Severus said as he saw Hermione look at him.

"Jesus Christ!" Hermione moaned as she sat herself up. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"Long time. It's already seven," Severus informed her.

Long time, Hermione thought to herself, considering the fact that she was sober. Most of the times that had sleeping for lengths at a time, it was because of the alcohol. She stood up slowly, and raised her arms up in the air as she yawned. "I guess the fatigue finally caught up with me." She said as she walked towards the potions table. "What are you brewing?" she asked, noticing the simmering cauldron.

"Wolfsbane 6," Severus answered, showing her a letter, and handed it to her. "It's from Potter. It arrived earlier from the mailroom."

Hermione frowned at the letter before taking it. She had never heard from Harry or anyone else since she had left for America. She never wrote to them either.

---

_Hermione,_

_I heard that you were here the other week. Something to do with you working with Snape. Why didn't you tell me or drop by? We've missed you. Hope to catch up on things._

_Your friend,_

_Harry_

---

'Your friend.' Those words were a bother to Hermione as she questioned them. How could she regard Harry as a friend when he turned her back on her? Harry, just like everyone else, was mad and furious when they found out that she had slept with Ron. They were shocked that she did such a thing—cheating on Severus with Ron. But to her, she never cheated, for her heart wasn't in it. No one believed her, which was also one of the reasons why she left.

"The potion is actually quite simple, which surprises me. It's the brewing process though that takes a while," Severus said as he moved across the table to sit on the stool across from her.

"Yeah well… we should give Remus one," Hermione said softly as she crumpled the letter and shot it into the trash bin. "He'll be happy not having to drink Wolfsbane every day."

"I'm amazed at how far you've come with lycanthropy research," Severus commented.

"I learned from the best," Hermione said softly, lowering her head. She couldn't look at him, and felt a slight heat build beneath her cheeks.

She made a promise to herself and that was not to show that she had feelings for him. Even though he had been a bastard to her recently, she really still loved him and wanted him. After all, she could still dream and hope couldn't she? But she knew long ago that she had lost him, so it was all she could do, and hang on to the old memories of the times they once shared.

"How'd you do it?" Severus asked.

"Getting blood directly from werewolves is better than getting it from them when they are in human form," Hermione replied. "Why do you think my accident happened? I dealt a lot with them. Ever since, Alan has other people collect their blood, not wanting me to ever go near them again."

"Well that is a dangerous process. I don't think I've ever thought about going that far," Severus replied. For his research, Remus was always a call away, and would gladly give blood samples needed.

"I paid a price," Hermione said sadly. "And I don't regret it."

"Hermione listen," Severus paused, until she looked at him, "we'll have to set some ground rules between us. We don't both don't want to have to deal with each other, but to find a cure of lycanthropy, we have to work together."

"I can't fucking do anything on my own," Hermione reminded him.

"Which is why I'm here," he said back. "If you want, you can do all the thinking, and I'll do everything physical. You don't have to lift a finger, and I'll be your potions bitch."

Hermione sighed. Potions was more than thinking. She touched the wooden spoon with her hand and stared at it. It involved all the senses. Being able to stir the spoon physically was a big part of brewing potions. Stirring is what would bind everything together, and define ingredients as a whole potion. Stirring, pouring, everything physical about potion brewing was something she could no longer do on her own. She needed tow hands when she really only had one to work with.

"Hermione, _I _need your help," Severus said slowly. Hard to admit what he just said, but he did. "You are the brainchild of this project. Even if I could do things on my own, it alone would take me years."

"Fine," Hermione finally said. She could see how he wanted to get things done quickly. Clearly, he didn't want to spend more time with her than usual. Made her feel all the more unwanted, when she wanted him all the more. "I'll cooperate with you."

"Good," Severus said with a nod. He glanced over at the wall clock and then asked. "You hungry? Know of any decent places where there's good food?"

-----

AN – Dinner next for our favorite two people. **Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 7

Bay Magic Bar was a popular bar in San Francisco to locals—muggles and magical folk. The place was set up in one of the busiest areas in the city. During lunch, dinner, and happy hours, the place was crowded. The food and the drinks that were favorites among many that had become regulars.

They were both seated in the booth seat on the far end of the restaurant. They didn't have to wait for a table like some of the other guests. Hermione was a regular to the establishment, and knew the owner first hand through the years of dining at Bay Magic Bar.

"Like it?" Hermione asked as he took a bit out of his pulled pork sandwich. She was given the liberty to order for him since he didn't know exactly what was good.

"Pretty good," Severus replied as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Do you always have to drink?" he asked watching Hermione wave her mug in the air, signaling to the bartender at the bar that she needed a refill.

"Beer, burger and fries—can't go wrong with that combination," Hermione replied as she continued to eat her food.

"You know what I mean," Severus spoke. "You weren't an alcoholic before, not even a heavy drinker. What happened?"

"It's none of your business Severus," Hermione said firmly. "People change. You don't hear me asking about your fiancé."

"It has become my business. I live with you, and the other night you were drunk as hell," Severus reminded her. "You couldn't even stand up on your own feet that I had to bloody carry you up the stairs."

"No one asked you to."

"Alan did."

"So you're really just doing things for me because Alan's paying you to do so. Wonderful, an overpriced babysitter."

"Hey, don't turn things around witch!" Severus hissed.

"Admit it, if it weren't for Alan, you wouldn't be here," Hermione said angrily. "Just forget about your damned Slytherin pride and admit it."

"Like you forgot about your Gryffindor pride?" he sneered back in question.

"Damn you!" Hermione said above a whisper. That was a low blow, and she took it very personally. She looked at him as her eyes got teary, refusing to cry in a public place with many people that didn't know her. "You really do hate me that much."

"I never said I liked you either," Severus said. He knew what he had said, and could see the pain all over Hermione's face. He wasn't going to apologize for it though, or apologize to her at all. After all, she never apologized to him eight years ago.

"Two days with you and it's already hell," Hermione sniffled. "We're going to continue to argue and fight till Merlin knows when." Working and spending time with Severus was going to be hard for her. He was there, right in front of her, and was going to continue to be with her day and night until the project was over. Part of her was happy and the other part very sad. Even though Severus was hurting her feelings, she was going to accept him the way he was treating her. She still loved him, and with that, wanted to treasure whatever moments they would have together, even if it wasn't romantic. She had a feeling that after the project, she would never see him again.

"You're the one that's making it difficult," Severus sighed before he drank from his Coke can. He followed his principles clearly when it came to work, and that was not to mix work with personal life. Years ago, that line was crossed though with Hermione, and again, he was afraid that the line would blur, though not in a romantic way. Things were already getting personal between them, that they could only get worse later on.

"Maybe we should just not talk to each other except when it relates to work," Hermione suggested. "Let's put all our personal issues aside and get things done when we can.

"Let's," Severus said with a nod. He frowned when he watched her stand up and tossed a few bills on the table. "Now where are you going?"

"Out for a drink elsewhere," Hermione replied, putting her sun glasses on.

"Oh I think not!" Severus said through clenched teeth.

"It's a personal thing Severus, it's not work related. I'm sure you know how to get and find your way home." She gave him a single wave and walked away quickly.

Severus added some more bills with Hermione's, and quickly handed them to a waiter. Not bothering with the change, he exited the bar. "Shit!" he hissed softly as he ran a hand through his hair. When he looked left and right, he couldn't see Hermione, knowing that she had apparated somewhere, but where?

---

The view of the city lights were quite a sight as Hermione sat in the middle of the helipad at Grand Tower where she worked. It was a place that she seldom went to when she needed time to think in the city. Above one of the tallest buildings, it was easier to get a breather, and get the mind space that was needed.

As the cool night wind blew, Hermione tugged on the hood of her sweatshirt, and took a gulp out from her flask. She closed her eyes, remembering her time with Severus in the past.

---

_A sigh of content left Hermione's lips as she felt strong arms pull at her from behind. She had given herself to Severus—the man she loved. For hours on end, they made passionate love with each other. And to top it all off, it was a life changing experience for her. _

"_You alright?" Severus asked, lightly kissing the back of her neck. He inhaled the sweet scent of her hair, never seeming to get enough of it._

"_I'm perfect Sev," Hermione replied, bringing his hand up between her breasts. "It's just… wow. I never expected it to be like that."_

"_Like how?" Severus asked curiously against the skin of Hermione's shoulder._

_Hermione turned around in his arms, and threw her leg of his. "Like… perfect. I've heard stories from other girls, and they were nothing compared to what we just did."_

"_Who?" Severus's eyes narrowed. "A few of your classmates I presume? Why am I not surprised that they would be humping behind the corridors? Randy teenagers!" he muttered._

_Hermione chuckled and kissed furrow between Severus's eyes. "You really are one to complain. And it's former classmates. I've graduated a few weeks ago, and will soon apprentice for someone in potions."_

"_Really now?" Severus asked curiously as he arched a brow at her. This was news to him. "Potions you say? There are very few masters and mistresses out there that do accept apprentices."_

_Hermione smirked. "Yes. But I've contacted Horace Slughorn and he said that he's willing to take me under his wing. You see, there's this potions master in Hogwarts that is such a git. I'm afraid that he won't accept my apprenticeship. All the others that have applied for him in the past were all rejected."_

"_All of them must've been dunderheads," Severus mumbled. He then grabbed hold of Hermione's hips, making her squeal in surprise when he turned the both of them so that he could be in top of her. "But I'm sure that this git potions master will say yes to you."_

_Hermione looked up in Severus in shock. "Really?" she gasped._

"_Why do you seem so shocked?" he questioned back. "Of course I'll accept you. All you had to do was ask."_

"_But you've never had an apprentice in the past—ever."_

"_It's because no one was ever capable before. You on the other hand are."_

_Right away, Hermione pulled Severus in for a quick kiss, and then squealed in excitement. She clapped her hands a few times, and smiled brightly. "You have no idea how happy I am." For anyone that wanted to apprentice, it was a dream to work for someone like Severus, or anyone in his stature in the industry. He was the best of the best._

_The corner of Severus's mouth slightly lifted. Seeing Hermione smile and knowing that he was the reason that made her smile meant so much to him. It was hard for him to believe that Hermione herself was the one that captured his heart, and he loved her unconditionally, as did she in return._

"_I love you," Hermione said softly, pushing his hair away from his face._

"_My Rose," Severus said softly, as he kissed the inner palm of her hand. He rarely said those three words, but did once in a while._

_Hermione traced his lips with her finger, knowing that he loved her. Severus wasn't the kind of man to say those three words a lot. Usually, he responded with other words, which she knew meant 'I love you.' Though once in awhile, he would say those exact three words, and it would catch her by surprise._

_Severus rubbed his nose against hers, giving her a quick peck on her lips. He looked deep into her amber colored eyes. If he were to see them when he every day for the rest of his life, he couldn't care less about any sunset or sunrise. "I don't deserve you," he admitted softly._

_Hermione wrapped her arms around Severus and reassured him. "I love you."_

_Severus lowered his lips to hers, and captured them into a slow and tender kiss. "Are we going to join the party upstairs in the Great Hall and reveal our secret relationship now that the Dark Lord is dead? Or are we going to stay here and in my bed and continue our little celebration?"_

_For her reply, she pulled Severus into a deeper, heated and passionate kiss. Revealing her relationship with Severus was the last thing on her mind. Even if people were going to disapprove about it, she was going to stay with Severus no matter what._

---

Hermione shook her head as she hung it between her knees. She hated herself with so much pain. Severus's words echoed in her head all the time.

"_I don't deserve you."_

For eight years, she was bitching to herself, trying to drown all her sorrows away. It was she that didn't deserve him. Even though she didn't mean to, she betrayed their love. His hatred towards her after eight years, though harsh, that is what she deserved. Her life was shitty and miserable.

-----

AN – Okay, some of you are complaining that it's Hermione's fault and all. Don't blame her yet, there is something more. **Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 8

Severus stood in front of the full length mirror in his bathroom, checking to see if his all black tuxedo looked crisp and perfect on him. It was Lucius's birthday, and he, Alan and Hermione were all invited at Malfoy Manor for a small party, and spend the weekend there.

Over the weeks or short months, he and Hermione had gone through some progress in the research project. Still, there were many instances in which she would drink, and in some cases, during work. The times when she was sober, were times well spent were a lot of work had been done.

Aside from work, Severus watched Hermione closely. There were more habits and quirks that he noticed, more things that were unusual behavior. Other than that, he found it odd that a dead and wilted rose would be sent to the house every week. Was there a someone—a significant other in her life that no one knew of? Dead roses, it didn't make sense. What person in their right mind would send someone a dead rose?

Hermione's drinking problems were becoming more of a pain for him every day. It had become a practice for him to fend after the passed out witch, not just at home, but even fetch her in public places when Alan would call for him. She was well taken care of by many locals. Alan was a very powerful man in the city, and even though he wasn't around, there were eyes and people that watched over Hermione.

Severus didn't like the definition of Alan's way of taking care of Hermione. He once had a talk with the man, and the answer he got was more than complicated.

---

"_It doesn't get in the way of her work, and she gets it done. It's what she wants to do. I don't approve of it either, and tried to stop her on occasion. Don't get me wrong, I care for her very much, but things were different when I made her stop drinking._

"_She completely shut down, and distanced herself from everyone and everything. Once when I went to her house to check on things, I found her unconscious on the kitchen floor years ago. Blood was coming out from her wrists. She tried to kill herself. I made her try and see someone for help, but that did her no good._

"_Her drinking did get worse after the accident. She does things because she needs to. You have to understand that people like Hermione need to vent out somewhere. She doesn't talk to anyone about her problems, and I can't force it out of her, and I won't if it will make her do more drastic things. I don't know what happened in her past. She never told me exactly anything."_

---

Severus tried to figure out what had happened to Hermione that she had changed completely. It couldn't have been their breakup. Facing Voldemort before was more traumatizing. And during those times, he remembered her being so brave and head strong. So there had to be another reason.

---

Hermione stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She was wearing her usual, and casual every day clothes; jeans, shirt, and one of her many hoodies. No, she wasn't going to get all dressed up just because it was Lucius Malfoy's party. She never dressed up any more for any occasion after her accident. Never did she attend anymore company parties or whatever other social events with Alan.

It was by force that made Hermione have to go to Lucius's party. She didn't want to at all, knowing that she was going to have to see everyone else. It's wasn't just people in the past that she was going to see, but a new one as well—that in the name of Giselle. Severus had informed her that Lucius also invited her. All the more, she didn't want to go. But she had to admit, she wanted to see the woman first hand.

Hermione reached for the Jack Daniel's bottle and took a big gulp out of it. She had been drinking quite during the past hour or so. After, she put her hood and sunglasses, and made sure her hair hung and covered the right side of her face. What was the use of hiding them though when everyone would see her scars later? She wasn't looking forward to that, not wanting questions or pity.

"Alan said that he won't be able to make it tonight. Something about an emergency meeting with the board," Severus said when he walked. He frowned at Hermione's attire. "You're not yet dressed?"

"I am all dressed and ready," Hermione said patting her hoodie pocket. She had shrunk her backpack along with her flask and a few shrunken bottles of her favorite drink. It's not that she needed any, knowing that Lucius would have a collection to drink. "Do I get to unpack and stay then?" she then putting on a plastic smile.

"Alan said you still have to go," Severus replied. "He'll catch up tomorrow."

"Fuck that!" Hermione cursed.

"You've been drinking," Severus noticed smelling the alcohol from her breath. He shook his head, and ground his teeth.

"Never too early to drink, I'm a little sober anyways," Hermione said with a shrug. "And when we get there, it'll be dinner time already. Timezone difference."

"I don't like tolerating your drinking habits," Severus said.

"Who said you had to?" Hermione asked shoving past him. She quickly made her way up to her garden rooftop—the place she used to apparate. Not bothering to wait another second for Severus, she disappeared.

---

"You really are going to make it a habit to disappear on me aren't you?" Severus said aloud as he walked after Hermione towards the front door.

"Afraid I ran off somewhere Snape!" Hermione said sarcastically as she rang the doorbell. "Maybe I should've since I really don't want to be here."

"You'd better behave tonight witch," he said, narrowing his eyes at her. "If you pass out drunk in the pool, I will not jump in and save you."

"Hermione, Severus, so good that you've come," Lucius said with a bright smile as he opened the door. "Dinner's just about to start. Where's Alan?"

"Alan couldn't make it, he'll catch up tomorrow," Severus said.

"Giselle is inside with the others," Lucius informed Severus as he stepped aside, and allowed the dark wizard to walk in.

"Happy Birthday Lucius," Hermione greeted him as she rose on her toes to kiss him on the cheek.

Lucius smiled and kissed her in return. "I thought you wouldn't come. I'm happy you did. He closed the door behind him, and offered her his arm as they walked past the foyer. "Nice attire by the way."

"No dress matches well with my sweatshirt," Hermione said. "So I decided to stick with my usual jeans and Chuck Taylors."

"Baby pink looks good on you," Lucius chuckled. He knew the reasons why Hermione was wearing her usual clothes. He couldn't blame her for not wanting to show her scars which made her feel very insecure. "I'm sure everyone will be pleased to see you."

"I don't really care Lucius. I just came here because it's your birthday," Hermione said softly. "Not really looking forward to seeing them. Maybe the highlight of my night will be your liquor. Though I must admit that I'm already drunk."

Lucius let out a throaty laugh. "You started partying without the celebrant? The good stuff is in my study. Let's drink and talk later on tonight after the party."

"Can't wait till then," Hermione said, barely smiling up at Lucius. She was the only person that she opened up to about the truth. It felt good to know that she could talk to someone who didn't judge her.

---

The dining room had one long table in which everyone was seated around. The guests that Lucius had invited to his party were members of the Order, some of the staff of Hogwarts, the Weasley family—minus Ron, along with the head of the family, Arthur who was presently the Minister of Magic.

"Hermione!" Ginny said in surprise as she saw her walk into the room with Lucius.

Hermione gave a curt nod as some of them greeted her. When she saw Harry, she wasn't at all happy to see him. She couldn't stand his smile. How could he smile after betraying her? Probably a fake and plastic smile. When she saw Remus, she stopped and pulled out six vials out of her pockets and handed it to him. "For you," she whispered. "Wolfsbane 6."

Remus looked up at Hermione as she started to walk away, and nod at him. His jaw was wide open for he was speechless. He heard about Wolfsbane 6, and tried to find a potions master or mistress who could brew it. Horace told him it was a rumor, nothing factual yet. Now, he was holding it in his hands, and he still couldn't believe it. How?

As Hermione sat herself down, sitting right next to Lucius, she noticed an unfamiliar face in the crowd across from her. Sitting next to Severus, there sat a tall raven haired woman, who looked very beautiful, and seemed very poise. Right away, she knew that it was Severus's fiancé, Giselle. To her surprise, the woman looked at her with a smile and nodded her greeting. Not to be rude, Hermione too did the same.

"Here's some wine for now," Lucius said softly as he poured in a generous amount of it into Hermione's glass.

Hermione didn't say anything, but just continued to stare at Giselle. Thankfully she was wearing her sunglasses otherwise she wouldn't have done it.

The woman had long straight hair that seemed perfect, with no tangles or curls. The way she presented herself was proper and well mannered like many high society women. Her skin had a bright glow, and was flawless. Hermione had a feeling that Giselle was over thirty, or even thirty-five. She seemed like a model of sorts, and didn't look a day over thirty.

A few words were exchanged towards the couple. Hermione also looked at Severus, who didn't even look at her. She stared at them both, trying to see how the relationship was between the two. There wasn't much closeness that she could see. Once in a while, she would see the witch put a hand atop Severus's and squeeze it, before slowly slipping away. Of course, she her eyes quickly took notice of the large diamond ring the shined oh so very brightly. It was gorgeous.

Hermione could tell there wasn't much intimacy between the two. Or maybe she was wrong, and they kept it to themselves. It was so different from when she was with Severus. Hermione remembered always having her arms around him when everyone knew of their relationship. They were very close, and showed much affection with each other with simple kisses and caresses.

Still, Hermione could only feel very jealous of Giselle. After all, the woman had captured the heart of the man she still loved. If things didn't fuck up eight years ago, she knew that it was supposed to be her to marry him, and perhaps, even have children now. Giselle was quite a catch. She was very pretty and seemed perfect—something that Hermione couldn't compete with even if she wanted to.

Hermione grabbed her glass of red wine, and chugged it down quickly, only savoring its taste when it was all done. Taste wasn't what she was after, but the need to put more alcohol into her system.

"Slow down Hermione," Harry told her with a frown. He had been watching her, though seemed confused at her odd behavior. "Aren't you drinking a little too fast?"

Hermione smirked as she reached into her pocket for bottle of Jack Daniel's. With a simple wave of her finger, it enlarged to normal size, and placed it down on the table. "Why Harry, afraid I'm going to out drink you?" she questioned back at him. "Don't be surprised if I do because trust me… I can," she said as she raised the bottle towards him. After, she took a few quick gulps, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"So now you have a drinking problem I see?" Harry asked, his eyes narrowing at her.

Hermione let out a snort. "Why Harry, going to lecture to again this time? The-Boy-Who-Lived who thinks he's so high and mighty will tell me about morals, and what is right and wrong. First it was who I could and couldn't fuck; now it's my drinking."

"What is your problem Hermione?" Harry asked in annoyance. He was surprised just like everyone else, but kept it to himself, and was angrier at her.

"You are," Hermione replied, pushing herself away from the table and stood up.

"Hermione, dinner hasn't been served yet," Lucius said as he looked up at her. He wanted her to stay.

"Sorry Lucius, I'll see you at the after party," Hermione said and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she stormed out of the dining room.

"What's going on Darling?" Narcissa asked her husband, confused after watching Hermione walk out. "What after party?"

"Just a little drinking between Hermione and I."

"Don't tell me that you are going to tolerate her drinking as well, just like Alan?" Severus asked in disgust.

"It's more of an understanding Severus," Lucius simply replied.

-----

AN – A lot of conflict, and there's still more to come. **Review!  
**(Wasn't planning to upload until tomorrow or this weekend. But it is my birthday, and I decided that this was going to be my birthday giveaway. Like it's Lucius's birthday.)


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 9

In an overstuffed armchair, Hermione looked outside as the stars twinkled in the moonless sky. With no sunglasses on, it allowed her to see the beauty of it all. Sighing for a moment, she shook her head and returned to reading the book that was in her lap. The bottle in her hand wasn't helping her get her mind off things, and decided it was best to try and do something, and grabbed one of the many books inside the study.

Unfortunately for her, the book wasn't helping. Jane Austin's 'Sense and Sensibility' was about a lovesick Marianne that wanted her Willoughby and was later heart broken by him. She had read the book so many times before. It was the first title she recognized earlier, not really bothering to look at whatever else there was. Lucky for Marianne, she had a Colonel Brandon in her life, her mother, and her sisters. She on the other hand felt like she had no one that understood her.

"Hermione?" Lucius called her name when both he and Remus walked inside.

Hermione turned on saw the both of them approaching her with a few plates in hand. "I'm not hungry," she told them, getting back to her reading.

"You must eat," Lucius stated firmly, putting down the food on the coffee table.

"I'm here to keep you company and join you," Remus said. Surprised, he noticed the scars on her face, but kept to himself.

"Don't you mean babysit me?" she asked rudely, not looking at him.

"Hermione," Lucius said in a warning tone.

Hermione eyed the salad and then the rib-eye steak in front of her. "I can't cut that," she told Lucius. The food that she ate was simpler to eat, ones were she didn't need a knife.

Lucius understood her, and took the liberty of cutting her meat in bite size pieces. "Do you need anything else? Maybe a good aged bottle of whiskey?"

Hermione turned and looked up at Lucius, the corner of her mouth lifted just a bit. "Thanks, but I think I'll wait for you. My Jack is good enough for now."

"Don't pass out without me," Lucius said right before he left the study.

There was an uneasy silence between them. Remus didn't know what to do, and knew that Hermione was pissed. He didn't want to push her buttons some more, and get shouted at like she did to Harry.

The discussion eight years ago between Hermione and Harry, Remus knew about it. Actually, it wasn't more of a discussion, but rather, more of an argument that had exploded. He didn't witness it firsthand, but could here muffled sounds coming from the floor above him when he was seated in the living room at Grimmauld Place. Next thing that happened, Hermione stormed down the stairs and out the house with tears in her eyes. He never saw or heard from her again.

Remus had confronted Harry about it, and asked what happened. The only answer that he got was that she was too selfish, and thought that the world revolved around her since she was a know-it-all. Hearing an answer such as that surprised him. He never thought that Harry would call on Hermione like that in such a rudely manner when they were known to be the best friends. It caused a deep rift between friendships he thought that would never be broken.

With Hermione's blow out earlier at the dining room, Remus had a hunch as to what the discussion was all about. Harry was one who always voiced out his opinion on things strongly. Though he was a good judge of character, once he felt that he was either betrayed, or someone did something wrong, he wouldn't hold back his words, not caring much about how people felt. Whatever he told Hermione that night really hurt her. Harry obviously had said a few things to her, telling her she was all wrong, when he himself couldn't see the mistakes as to what he was doing—ruining his friendship with Hermione.

"I'm sorry about my burst out earlier," Hermione spoke. "I'm just really pissed off at Harry _freaking_ Potter." She set the book down on the side table, and looked at Remus.

"I haven't accused you or said anything," Remus said as he sat himself down on the couch closest to her. "But I think I should apologize for Harry. He can be a hot head, and at times, a little too egotistical for his own good.

Hermione shook her head. "It isn't your fault Remus. He wasn't there when I needed him the most. I was called a whore by the press and he wasn't even there to stand up for me and be there for me like a real friend should."

"If you needed someone, you could've come to me you know," he told her.

Hermione sighed. "I guess I needed Harry more that time because he was my best friend. Some best friend he turned out to be. Things with Ron were awkward after that morning. He apologized as did I. He left, I left; we never talked since." With her right hand, Hermione picked up her fork and started to eat her salad. As she was about to dig in her third bite, her hand started to shake uncontrollably, dropping her fork. "Shit!" she cursed as she painfully fisted her hand a few times.

"Whoa!" Remus said as he reached for her hand to steady it. He saw the agony on her face as he felt her hand slightly shake under his. "You okay?"

"Fucking drawback with my accident," Hermione said as she winced. "Hit my head, that I can't control my motor skills in my hand. That's why I can't work much on potions anymore."

"Hermione… I'm sorry," was all Remus could say.

She shook her head. "It's not your fault Remus. It was another wolf. If it was you, maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about it. But hey, I did it for the research. Never blamed myself for it. Just fucked things really bad. I need Severus's help with the brewing." After pulling her hand away, she tucked it in her pocket, and started to eat with her left hand instead.

"Thanks for the potions by the way," he smiled at her. "You really have given wizards like me hope."

"No problem Remus," she nodded. "Still have much to figure out, and then lycanthropy will be a thing of the past for you."

"Just be careful Hermione," Remus told her softly. "I wouldn't want you to get into another accident."

"Severus is always a few steps away when we work together. Even though he acts like a bastard towards me, he wouldn't let anything bad happen," Hermione assured him.

Remus kept silent as he started to eat his own salad. That was another thing he worried about Hermione—Severus. There was tension between them, and he knew that tension and work only complicated things more. True, Severus would keep an eye out for her, but he also was a cause for problems. Remus didn't want Hermione to get hurt further, seeing it all in her eyes.

Over an hour later, due to a drinking contest between the two, Remus was passed out on the couch and snoring loudly. Hermione on the other hand, though very drunk was grinning to herself. She had won. Earlier on, she found it very hot, and had decided to take her sweatshirt off.

Not forgetting that she was very angry at Harry, she stood on her feet, and felt the room turn a bit. After the dizziness passed away, she made her way to the door in a wayward walk, and was about to give him a piece of her mind.

---

"Really Professor Snape, I can't believe that you've been putting up with an alcoholic Hermione for weeks," Harry said in disgust. Ever since her walk out earlier, he had been ranting about her nonstop.

"Oh, shut it Potter!" Draco groaned. He couldn't stand the complaining anymore.

"Professor, you haven't said a word," Harry spoke looking at Snape, who was just scowling. "I thought of all people, you'd be the one to complain about her, but here you are saying nothing." His head snapped at his wife when she hit his arm. He didn't say anything, but ignored her angry look.

Severus finally had enough of Potter's annoying chitchat at the table, throwing down his napkin. Actually it wasn't just annoying, but the way the boy talked about Hermione was just rude, considering that they were the best of friends at one point. He knew that they had a fallout obviously after not being in contact for years, but Severus never knew how bad until tonight. And something in his gut told him that he was the cause of division between them.

"Well Professor?" Harry urged.

"My working relationship and judgments towards Hermione are strictly none of your business Potter," Severus finally answered. "Do not make assumptions to something you know nothing of. Now, like Draco said, shut it!"

Harry looked around the table. No one else had spoken since earlier. "Really? Am I the only one here that's voicing out my opinion? Alcoholism is stupid, and Hermione being one is even stupider."

"Potter, I never knew you still cared," Hermione slurred as she walked through the door. She made her way towards him with a glare, almost losing her balance once.

Harry was about to say something, but instead, his jaw hung in silence when he saw the scars on her face. A few other people in the table were also as shocked as he was.

"No answer?" Hermione asked as she stood next to him, looking down at him. "No wait, I know. You're looking at my ugly face. Come on, say something about it with that smart mouth of yours."

Harry remained unmoving and speechless for awhile, until he remembered what he was talking about just before Hermione walked in. "You're drunk," he intoned.

"Ah yes," she replied. "Remus and I had a little drinking contest. Right now he's sleeping like a baby. He couldn't hack me, but can you? I'm still game." She saw his champagne glass and grabbed it with her right hand, and gulped down half of its contents.

"You really are quite something," he said back at her as he rose onto his feet. "I thought you were a know-it-all. Well you should know that I hate drunkards. Alcohol is not an excuse for anything."

"Harry!" Ginny snapped at him, as she pulled on the back of his tuxedo.

Sirius stood up from his chair, and stood between Harry and Hermione, facing his godson. "That's enough now Harry."

"You're defending her as well?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Jealous?" Hermione questioned. Just then, Hermione's hand started to spasm. Her muscles twitched and partially clenched around the champagne glass, making it crack in her hand. Shards, big and small, dug into her skin painfully as she shouted out in pain. "Shit!" she hissed, allowing her knees to give out and fall to the floor.

"She's bleeding!" Sirius said as he dropped to his knees.

Right away Severus leapt from his seat, and ran to Hermione's side. Lucius also did the same.

"I can't stop shaking!" Hermione said in a panic, trying to still herself. But it didn't work, and there was so much blood and pain. The largest shard had entered deep into the center of her palm.

"Only an idiot would hurt themselves to be the center of attention," Harry said.

Severus didn't say anything at first until he gathered Hermione up in his arms and stood up. He glared daggers at Harry and said, "Only fools such are yourself would speak out of line when they don't know the truth. She has an injury that you know nothing of, but as if you care." With that, he carried Hermione out of the room and up to her guest rooms, as Lucius told Draco to call for Poppy.

Harry turned around, and saw that everyone looked at disappointment towards him, most especially his wife. He did feel somewhat guilty. "How was I supposed to know?"

---

With her head hanging off the edge of the bed, Hermione groaned as the last contents of her stomach emptied into the trash bin. The room around her was spinning. She didn't have the strength to lie back in bed on her own, until a pair of hands helped her, and pulled her in.

Severus who was seated at the edge of Hermione's bed the entire time since awhile ago helped Hermione. He comforted her through her pain with Poppy as he held her hand still, held her hair back when she was vomiting, and now, tucked her beneath the warm sheets. He placed a few vials of potions against her lips one at a time, making her drink them, since he knew that she wasn't going to throw them up anymore.

Hermione sputtered slightly, hating the taste of some of the potions that she had to take. She didn't bother asking what they were, but her brain somewhat told her that it may have been for her pain, a sober potion, and a sleeping potion. "Friendships suck," Hermione said barely above a whisper.

Severus gently brushed away some of the unruly curls away from Hermione's face. "Sleep Hermione," he told her. He looked down at her bandaged hand, and partially entwined her fingers in his.

"Sev…" Hermione said before she closed her eyes.

"I'm right here," Severus replied. He felt a very familiar tug in his heart, which was very hard to ignore. There he remained seated as he stared at her sleeping form silently with the light coming from the fireplace.

---

From the partially opened door of Hermione's room, Giselle kept her focus on Severus. Earlier, she came up and decided to look for him and check on Hermione herself. She never got passed the door when she saw the look on Severus's face, and how he treated Hermione with such care. She wasn't blind.

-----

AN – I never meant for this to be a Harry bashing story, but apparently, that is what it has become. Plot bunnies in control here, not me. Hopefully, he will come around. **Review!  
**(Just like Lucius, my birthday parties end today. Some friends could only attend today, being Sunday. Thank you so much for all your well wishes and birthday greetings!)


	10. Chapter 10

AN - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 10

It was a bright and sunny Sunday. The Malfoys, Alan, Severus and Giselle were all out in the patio gathered around the picnic table beneath the cool shade. Not far away, a few house elves were busy preparing lunch, while one stood on a stool in front of the barbeque grill.

Hermione stepped out onto the patio, and squinted at the brightness of the damned sunlight. She placed her sunglasses on quickly, grumbling slightly as she went to the cooler and grabbed a can of ice cold beer. She felt the opposite of what the day was, and that was gloomy.

"Hi Hermione," Alan greeted as she sat down beside him. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and looked at her hand. "You okay after last night? Do you have a migraine? Do you need an M.R.I. scan when we get back to San Francisco?"

"Stop!" Hermione snapped as she opened her beer. She took one big chug and shook her head. "I'm fine Alan, I just forgot to take my medication. Poppy gave me what I needed and I had a good night's rest."

"You were supposed to keep a very close eye on her," Alan said firmly as he turned to Severus.

"It's not his fault!" Hermione interjected angrily. "If you want to know the problem, it was Harry. He's still a fucking arse!" she snapped. She stood up from the table, not excusing herself from them, and walked out towards the poolside, and walked around the body of water, and lounged back into one of the lounge chairs. She pulled on the hoodie of her white sweatshirt on and stared at the group across the water from behind her sunglasses.

Without a doubt, Hermione knew that they were talking about her and last night. She remembered exactly what had happened last night despite the fact that she was drunk. How she wished that she was drunk enough not to remember, but sadly that wasn't the case.

Harry-Fucking-Potter, for the nth time, had hurt her just like he had done many years ago. First he was all smiling and peachy, like he was in the letter weeks ago. He was acting as if nothing had happened between them and that they were still the best of friends. And then when it came to her drinking, that was when all the harmful judgments came into play once again.

How dare he tell her what to do! How dare he speak his mind like he is above her! He may have defeated Voldemort, but it didn't give him the right to act all Godly. Potter was just as human as anyone and everyone else. His mistakes weren't as drastic as hers, sure, but where was his decency? Maybe he was really just as plastic as any other fucking self righteous celebrity.

Hermione wasn't denying that her life was in shambles and wasn't perfect. Sure, she may have had the dream job, with the dream salary, but it really didn't matter to her. She wasn't happy, and hated herself. Like Severus said before, he didn't recognize her, and she's thought about it many times, as she herself didn't recognize who she had become. She was an alcoholic and rarely at times, a suicidal person. Though it had been awhile since she last attempted to kill herself, thoughts of such actions still ran through her head.

Years ago, things were so different. Never had she imagined herself to fall in such a position and become who she was. Before, she never approved of it either, whether it was alcohol, drugs, or anything abusive towards oneself. But things changed drastically, making her change at a certain point in her life.

Hermione was having an internal battle with herself. It was tougher so to speak. She rather would've wanted to face Voldemort all over again. It seemed easier to solve problems concerning him back then. Problem with herself however were a different story. They weren't solvable, and things with her life just continued to get worse. She didn't know what to do. What had she done in her life that mad everything go down a very deep hole? Never was she selfish, and always thought about others before herself. Maybe sleeping with Ron, though it was accidental, and had no meaning was the mistake. After all, that is where it all began.

Her thoughts were disrupted when she saw a woman approach towards her.

"May I sit?" Giselle asked, standing next to the other lounger.

"Sure," Hermione replied. The ex-girlfriend about to talk to the current fiancé? The situation was going to get awkward between the both of them that she knew.

"This is for you," Giselle said, handing Hermione another cold can of ice cold beer.

"Thanks," Hermione replied back. She looked at her who was just smiling away, like there were no troubles in the world. Yes, she was perfect indeed. The woman seemed like she had no qualms. She still remained poised and all even in a very casual environment.

"I'm Giselle by the way." She reached out with her right hand, offering it to Hermione.

Hermione just looked at the other witch's hand, and didn't shake it. "Sorry, my hand's fucked up," she reminded her, raising her right hand in. "And I do know exactly who you are."

"So do I. Severus does speak about you at times."

"He doesn't say anything about you," Hermione murmured before she drank from the can. She didn't care about the woman, but she was reminded of her jealousy.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them, before Giselle spoke. "He still loves you, you know?"

Hermione turned to her and raised an eyebrow at the woman, and it went above the rim of her sunglasses. Things had just gotten more awkward between the both of them. "Excuse me? I think you got things all wrong. He said he hates me, and that he pities me. That's more than enough in your face information that I would like to hear from him. He _doesn't _love me… not anymore."

"You know Severus, he doesn't exactly wear his feelings on his sleeve all the time. He covers them beneath his scowl, anger, and whatever other armor of feelings he has perfected over the years. He still has feelings for you. And if I'm not mistaken, you still love him as well."

"He's your fiancé, he loves you, and that's that. Any other feelings he has of me are ones of hatred that was formed years ago." Hermione tugged on her hood firmly, making sure that it was still on her head. It was like a coat of armor for her, and Giselle, the witch she knew almost nothing about was reading straight though her. "And _if_ I did have any feelings, it would mean nothing to him.

"Just take my advice, and don't you hurt him and break his heart." Having had enough of their conversation, Hermione stood up and headed back towards the table where everyone was, as lunch was about to be served.

---

Severus glanced over the pool looking at his fiancé as she smiled and talked with Hermione, his ex. He stomach turned, feeling a little uncomfortable about the situation, currently not caring about the business talk at the table. Giselle wasn't going to be a problem that he knew, it was Hermione he was worried about.

Giselle always knew when to keep her mouth shut, and when to keep her opinions to herself. Never in his years with her has he ever heard her speak badly about someone else. They rarely had arguments and fought even, now that he thought about it. Her personality and character was more conservative than others. She was perfect in different ways that Hermione wasn't.

Hermione was the complete opposite of what Giselle was. She was far more forward, and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She was gutsy, and one hell of a witch that was scary to mess with when she had a temper. Severus and Hermione were both similar on so many levels. Their stubbornness is what made their fights last longer than usual as neither one was willing to back down on an argument. Their relationship was a rollercoaster ride, with extreme highs, lows, and even had a few loops. He was still missing it, or rather, her to be exact.

"Alan?" Severus asked.

"Yes?" Alan asked, stopping the conversation he was having with Lucius.

"Hermione," Severus started, still looking at her. "Is she involved with someone?"

"Not that I know of," Alan answered. Curiosity stirred him, wondering why Severus would ask such a question. Maybe he too still had feelings for Hermione. The others around the table were also just as curious as him. "Why ask?"

"Someone sends her a dead rose every week. No card, no note, nothing," Severus replied.

"Don't you mean a black rose?" Draco asked. "No fool would send a woman a dead rose to show their affections. That's just whacked."

Understanding Severus, Alan nodded. "No, it really is a dead rose. And with regards to whose sending them to her, I really have no idea. She's been receiving them for years. Over six if I'm not mistaken. I really don't know anything else besides that. Haven't asked her. She's very secretive about her life, and I respect that, not wanting to anger her and cross the line."

Draco let out a snicker. "Whoever is sending her those roses then needs help. Hopefully Hermione isn't interested in him at all."

Lucius kept silent to himself, and wondered who the sender was. Last he remembered, Hermione told him that she hadn't moved on, so there couldn't have been anyone special in her life. So, who or what exactly? Was it just a secret courtship that had been going on for years? The dead roses didn't make sense.

"Well, she does go out on vacation a few times a year. She turns her phone off not wanting contact from anyone, even me. She drives out somewhere, sober I'm promised. She never got into any accidents. Usually is about a week or two long," Alan added. "However, since the accident, she's been taking more vacations than before."

"To see the douche?" Draco questioned. He then kept his mouth shut when he saw Hermione and Giselle approach the table.

Soon, lunch was served, and everyone was eating.

---

As the meal progressed, Giselle continued to watch how attentive her fiancé was to Hermione. Yes, he was attentive to her as well, but perhaps a little too attentive towards the other woman.

Well, she couldn't blame Hermione after all. She was injured and couldn't cut her food properly. He was helping her out without even being asked. And, she wasn't even thanking him in return. The tension between them was worse than she thought. All the while, for weeks, when Severus would call her, he would complain left and right about Hermione being a pain, but where were the complaints? There wasn't a single one.

Last night, she stayed alone a good number of hours in her guest rooms, waiting for Severus to arrive. While she waited, there was no doubt in her mind that he was in Hermione's room. Even though she knew there was nothing really happening, like the both of them having sex or sleeping together, she was bothered. Both were in denial, and still in love.

Severus promised her that they would spend private time together after no seeing each other for weeks. However, that wasn't the case. Instead of having his attention at her, he was more focused on Hermione. He wasn't cheating, in fact, it was worse than cheating. For the first time in their relationship, she felt like second place.

"You aren't eating," Severus told Giselle softly as he leaned towards her. "Do you need anything for your lobster? Perhaps some more lemon butter?"

"No thank you Severus. I just remembered, I need to make a call to Paris," she lied. She actually needed to get out and continue to witness the unknown silence between the former couple. She excused herself from the table, and gave Severus a kiss on the cheek, before heading back inside.

Across the table, Hermione remained deep in thought as she had been since the beginning of the meal. Things were stressing up on her very much. Work, Potter, and not to mention, Severus and Giselle. She needed some time off, planning to escape to her special place. "I need to take a vacation," she told Alan.

"You mean _that_ vacation?" Alan asked as he quickly glanced at the others before looking at Hermione.

Hermione frowned at her employer. "I don't understand what you mean. There is really only one vacation that I take, and that is _my_ vacation," she stressed, meaning that he was to mind his own business.

"You can always take the company car then and the chauffer if you need," he offered.

"I always drive my Mini. I'll be fine." Hermione looked at her watch. "Well, looks like I'll have to pack, before I head back to San Francisco." She looked at Severus as she stood up from her seat. "I'll be gone for some time. You can do whatever you want, and spend more quality time with your fiancé."

"So she's really going to see the douche?" Draco questioned softly when Hermione was a good distance away from the table. "That's fucked."

"Indeed," Severus muttered to himself as he watched Hermione walk inside and disappear. He was jealous, and wondered who exactly Hermione was seeing.

-----

AN – Any assumptions of your own? **Review!  
**(**Important: **I'm not sure if I can update any time soon. My laptop has just crashed. Hopefully, I will be able to retrieve my files, most especially my fics. Sucks! Have to try and have it fixed, amongst other things. Backup? Well, I do copy some of my stories into a flashdisk... _some! _So, please do keep out for updates of this story, as well as the others. Will really try to type and update when I can.)


	11. Chapter 11

AN - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 11

Sweatshirtless, but with her cap and sunglasses, Hermione smiled to herself when she saw her destination come in sight. She had been driving for a few hours, with the top down, and the cool wind blowing through her hair. And now, she was almost there. Her eyes spotted the many colors of different type of roses through the acres, as the sweet and subtle scent of them intoxicated her senses. It was good to come back to Alice's Inn and Rose Farm.

Alice's Inn and Rose Farm was a place that Hermione had been coming to for years. Ever since the first time she had come, Hermione felt more at ease, as if she was in another world. Her problems of course were for from forgotten, but they weren't exactly bothering her as much. It was a special place where she felt that time stood still at some point. No, it wasn't number one on her list of being her favorite place in the whole world, which was being in Severus's arms. For some odd reason though, the place made her feel content at one point. Her addiction to alcohol was forgotten as she would rarely to never drink.

Other than that, Hermione made well with the people in the farm and the small main town nearby. She mixed in well with them, and for people who didn't know her, she seemed like a local. Friendships were formed, but they were nothing like Hermione had in the past. Purposely, she kept herself at a certain distance from them, or put up a wall. Losing her friends and only man she loved before had crushed her beyond limits, and she didn't want that to happen again. She drew a line between her life here, and her life in San Francisco and the U.K. People in the town were close, and she became one of them easily.

Alice Wallace was the proprietor of Alice's Inn and Rose Farm. She was an elderly woman, and became a mother figure to Hermione in ways. The wizarding world wasn't unknown to her. Truth be told, she was a muggle born witch, but decided not to live her life around magic. Her employees as well knew about the secret world, as they were all squibs. They all worked together, making the business grow into what it was, never using the aid of magic. Orders for roses weren't only made nationwide, but worldwide, in both worlds. People also from all over, visited the inn, and learned much about roses.

Hermione was one of them, and surprisingly, she had the touch for roses, having the special green thumb. Before, she only found roses nice to look at. Only when Severus started to give them to her when they were together was when she found them fascinating. It was on one lonesome work day when she found an ad on Alice's Inn and Rose Farm. Her fascination only grew after that.

"Hermione!" a man exclaimed as he stood in front of the steps on the inn. When her car pulled up in front of him, he opened the door, and greeted her with a quick but firm hug.

"Hey Dean," Hermione smiled.

Dean Williams was the head farmer for Alice, and also one of her right hand men. The other man was Philippe Garson, a French man who was in charge of the inn. His position was concierge. Even without Alice around to keep an eye on things all the time, the two made sure the place ran smoothly.

"Where's Alice?" Hermione asked.

"Inside, handling a few calls. She's in her office and wants to see you about and talk over some legal stuff." Dean answered. Hermione's bandaged hand didn't go unnoticed. "What happened to your hand?"

"Just got into a minor accident the other day. Nothing to worry over." Hermione turned and reached out to get her luggage on the small backseats of her Mini.

Dean stopped Hermione before she could lift a single thing out of the car. "Don't. I'll do that after I park your car. Go on inside." When Hermione didn't budge, he pushed her lightly her towards the entrance.

The few times that Hermione had come, she had become one of them and even worked in the area, doing physical labor that visitors weren't supposed to do. Her devotion to roses and the place grew deep, as she too got her hands dirty just like all the other employees. Never did she complain. He and the others would object and remember that she was a customer, but eventually, she was really more than that. Hermione was always one to help others, and she enjoyed it, objecting back with her stubbornness.

"Fine," Hermione sighed as she moved forward. She looked over her shoulder, and smirked. "I'll be using your pick-up truck again when I get around."

"You should get your own," Dean said getting in the Mini, before driving it to the parking lot at the side of the inn.

---

The inn had a warm and inviting feel once inside. Despite it being a large in, it had a homey feeling that Hermione liked. Alice's Rose Farm and Inn was her home away from… No, it couldn't be called _home_. London was home long before, in another lifetime. San Francisco on the other hand, though she lived there for years, she still felt at a loss at times.

If Hermione could have things her way, she would build a small cottage on one side of the property and live there. Alice lived in the inn, having a private area to herself. No, a cottage is what Hermione really wanted, it would make her feel closer to the roses and nature. She wasn't even interested in going to any other flower farm in the world. Nothing compared to this place, the nearby town, and its people. It was her own private place to have solitude from everything, even if it was only temporary.

Hermione took off her sunglasses as she walked through the lobby. She smiled casually at the people who looked at her, whether they were customers or employees. When she saw Philippe, she gave him a wave, deciding not to bother him as he dealt with a couple. Spotting the vacant restaurant, she decided to take a small detour.

As soon as she walked in it, her nostrils flooded with the wonderful scent of food, making her mouth start to water somewhat. The smell was coming from the back door next to the bar. It opened up to the kitchen of the inn.

"What's cooking?" Hermione asked stepping into the kitchen with a wide smile.

Everyone in the kitchen, who was in a chef's attire, turned to look at Hermione. One in particular, who was a chubby woman and stuck out like a sore thumb wearing the only pink clothes in the kitchen, dropped her spatula in her mixing bowl, and went to her straight away. "Hermione!" she exclaimed happily.

"Hey Sheila," Hermione greeted her as the both hugged.

Sheila McKenn was the head chef of the kitchen. She cooked everything with such love and passion for food. It showed in her cooking, as everything tasted wonderful. A seasonal chef is what she was as she cooked with local products. Among everyone in the inn, she was the most lively. Always and mostly joyful, wanting to make everyone around her happy, and food was her secret weapon.

Again, Hermione's bandaged hand became a topic when Sheila saw it. Hermione's answer was the same as she told Dean earlier. She didn't want people to worry so much over her, especially her hand. Everyone knew it was her bad hand, but it really was nothing to worry over about.

"So, what do you want for dinner later on?" Sheila asked Hermione.

"Anything's fine Sheila, you know me," she answered. "I'll eat everything you cook 'cause it's all fabulous." She saw the big refrigerator and headed towards it, knowing that was in it. "But I'll have a rose macaroon, if you mind."

"Oh, try the one that's a little darker in color. I added some mint in them," Sheila informed Hermione.

Hermione did as told, and happily started to eat on one of the two little desserts she had in hand. Sheila made the best macaroons. She would eat all of them if they weren't so rich. "Well, I got to talk to the boss," she said before she left the kitchen and left Sheila and everyone else to continue on with their jobs.

---

Before knocking on the door, Hermione paused for a moment as she tried to figure out what Alice wanted to talk to her about. Never did she get involved with the business, crossing the line of 'Mind your own business.' Hermione only voiced out her opinions on roses, and worked around, nothing more. It wasn't her place, and she wasn't one to pry.

The word legal though stuck in her ears, thanks to Dean. What legal stuff did the woman want to talk about? After enough thinking, she finally knocked on the door, and opened it once she was invited in.

"Hermione, it's so good to see you again," Alice said brightly as she stood from behind her desk, walking to greet her in a welcoming hug. "I actually expected you sooner a few weeks ago since you've been coming here more. At least here you are."

"Well, things have been really fucked up these past few months Alice. Seems like life will never give me a break, putting more shit on my plate." Hermione shook her head and sighed as she scratched her brow with her right hand.

"What happened to your hand?" Alice asked worriedly.

"It's not what you think. I was holding a crystal glass in my hand before I lost control of it," Hermione explained. "My injuries though are not what's bothering me."

As Alice sat behind her desk, she watched Hermione as the young witch made her way to the window, staring outside. "Pining over him again?" Alice asked.

Hermione's man, whoever his name was became a subject that Hermione would only talk about with her. Only the need to knows was what Alice knew—no name, no picture. She didn't ask for more, and simply allowed Hermione to speak her heart when those times came.

Alice had become more than a shoulder to lean on, and was more like a mother figure to her so to speak. It was also similar the other way around as she looked at Hermione like the daughter that she never had. Their relationship may have just been brief and simple, but it was deep and had meaning.

Alice knew how Hermione felt, but in some circumstances, her love life long ago was very different. She couldn't marry the wizard that her heart belonged to. And like Hermione, never again did she love. She didn't like it when she saw herself in her. And what's worse is that it seemed that Hermione was in a deeper, and darker position than she was long before. No one deserved to live in such misery, most especially Hermione. She was a good judge at character. She saw Hermione as a good and very genuine person, and was more than just the war hero that people knew about. The young witch was really just looking understanding and meaning in life, and most of all love that could mend her broken heart.

"He's back in my life, and I mean literally," Hermione explained. She glanced at Alice briefly seeing the confusion on her face. "My boss has finally made me work on my potion's project again, on the condition that I work with _him."_

"What?" Alice asked softly in surprise.

"Of all the potions masters in the world, it had to be him," Hermione snorted. "No surprise, he's the best of the best."

"And I take it, things aren't going well?"

"No. He hates me, and said so himself. He's even moved on and is engaged to marry a French perfume maker, who by the way is perfect—poised, pretty and all. It's a love hate relationship that we have. He takes care of me because he has to. And at the end of it all, even though he's being a bastard with painful words, _I still love him."_ Hermione sniffled as she went silent for a few minutes before she spoke again. "Thanks for sending me the dead roses again."

"You asked me to send them. Maybe I should stop with the way things are going," Alice suggested.

Hermione shook her head. "No. I need to be reminded more that things are over between us. Like a dead rose, our love is dead, and no more. Let's just change the subject. Why did you want to see me? Dean said it was something legal?" she asked as her eyes remained casting over the farm outside the window.

"I am handling a few things at a time," Alice replied. It wasn't easy to say what she was going to say next, but she was going to say it eventually. "I'm selling the farm."

Hermione's head snapped as she faced Alice. She couldn't believe what she just heard. "What? Why? It's doing so well."

"I'm an old woman Hermione," Alice started to explain. "Most of my life has been devoted to this farm. I need to venture out, travel the world. Maybe do things I've never done before.

"I've made up my decision Hermione, and the offers have been coming in. However, if possible, I prefer that you would buy it. I feel and know that there is no one else better to handle it than you. Frankly, your green thumb is better than mine. I saw roses I thought I would never imagine, thanks to your hybrids, that I thought would never work in the first place. You are very much like me, and I see you as the daughter I never had. You have such passion for roses—passion bigger than mine. You will do this place well."

Hermione dragged her feet slowly as she made her way towards one of the two chairs, across Alice's desk. Her brain tried to register what was happening. Alice was actually offering her to have the farm. She never thought that this day would come at any point. The opportunity was right in front of her, but could she accept?

It was recently over the years that Hermione too discovered her green thumb. She loved roses, there was no denying that. She loved spending her time in Alice's farm, and worked around it on many occasions. But buy it? Grow roses for a living? It was something completely different when she was still in Hogwarts. Potions was what she excelled in, loved and chose to be her career path, nothing related to Herbology.

"Can you give me some time to think about it?" she asked.

"Of course dear," Alice replied with a small smile. "Now that you've told me that you're working again, I'll give you some months to think about it. No rush here."

Soon after, Hermione had made it up to her room, and stared blankly at the luggage that she had yet to unpack. The last thing on her mind though wasn't luggage, but what Alice and she just talked about. She was completely at a crossroads in her life, standing still in a complete pause. Where would she go from here?

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AN – Now you all know what the dead rose means to Hermione. **Review!  
(Still haven't gotten around to get my laptop fixed. Will get to it when I can. Again please check my blog for any updates.)**


	12. Chapter 12

AN - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 12

It was early in the morning; the sun had just risen above the farm. Inside her bathroom, Hermione was leaning on her sink with her arms as she look at the small black velvet pouch that she had placed there last night when she unpacked her things.

Inside the pouch was a white gold pendant that hung around a chain. The pendant was shaped into a rose, and in the middle of nestled a small pink diamond. At the back of it, there was an engraving that read _My Rose_ and _S.S._ Yes, it was a gift that Severus had given to Hermione, specifically on the last birthday that she celebrated when they were still together.

The only times she wore it was when she was on the farm and then only taking it off soon after she arrived back from the city. This place— the farm, was where good memories were remembered. Memories of when her life was happy and full with her friends from the past and most of all, Severus. She would hang on to those memories as they remained close to her heart, and were still buried deep inside.

Now, as she stared at the pouch, she remembered her recent times with Severus. There were moments in which he was nice to her, but then she remembered that it was all because of Alan, and that he paid him to keep an eye and take care of her. She remembered his words of anger and hate towards her. It seemed that he no longer recognized the love that they once shared. What did it matter? She was the one who faulted after all. He moved on with another woman, and similar to the past eight years, all she had were memories, and nothing more.

Hermione finally reached for the pouch and opened it, putting the piece of jewelry on. Alice's offer too was what kept her thoughts running. She was still as lost as she was last night. It was time to get out and try to enjoy herself out in the open air. A little work, or maybe some horseback riding would make her feel better and clear up her thoughts.

---

_It was a Hogsmeade weekend. The grounds were clear of students around Hogwarts as Hermione marched angrily towards the farther part of the Black Lake. It was an area that students were too lazy to get to, and with the trees, it made it more secluded. The place became a special spot of her and Severus, seldom watching sunsets, sunrises, and even having a small picnic on occasion._

_She sat herself down, leaning back against a tree, hugging her knees as she stared at the lake through her tears. Hermione and Severus had just had a fight, and it was their first actual fight since they had become a couple. Six months of perfection seemed to be thrown out the window quickly. And to make things worse, it was exactly six months in their relationship. Did he even know?_

_They argued over potions again, like they always did. But before, they would always debate around the subject and be okay with things later on. They divided a line between potions and their love lives. Earlier though, Severus just snapped at her and crossed the line—calling her a stupid little girl because of her mistake._

_Hermione felt really hurt. Like she had been brought back to her own school days when he used to ridicule and humiliate her in front of class. Was she still seen that way to him? Would he ever see her as an equal on the potions field, and respect her? Or was that too much to ask from Severus Snape, the greatest potions master that lived today?_

"_I left for a reason," Hermione said brokenly as she heard the rustling of footsteps in the grass nearby. She knew it was Severus without a doubt, and she didn't want to see or deal with him at the moment._

_Severus didn't say anything, nor did he listen to Hermione, knowing that she didn't want him around. He felt guilty, and he felt his chest tighten earlier when he realized what he had said and done to her. He knew he had to apologize as he tried to figure out how to begin as he wasn't one to apologize. Well, at one point, he also thought that he wasn't one to fall in love, but Hermione changed him. The impossible became possible. If he could become more human and fall in love, apologizing couldn't have been that hard. And for Hermione, he would do anything for her. He sat himself down right next to her, and stared at the grass between his boots._

_From the corner of her eyes, Hermione could see Severus clearly. He was silent for awhile and she couldn't stand it when his hands started to fidget. What was he here for? What was he going to say? Fed up and not willing to wait a second longer, she stood up on her feet, only to be stopped gently by his hand, making her sit back down._

"_Hermione…" Severus spoke, unable to continue. The words were choked up in his throat. Apologizing was harder than he thought, harder than saying that he loved her. He had to swallow his pride and it wasn't easy._

"_What Severus?" Hermione questioned. "Is that how you still see me, a stupid little girl that you're teaching? Me being a student at Hogwarts, and being your apprentice, is it all the same? Will you continue to belittle me so?"_

"_No, of course not," Severus replied, turning to look at her. "You are great with potions, there is no doubt. And one day, you will be a very good potions mistress. I respect you highly, believe it."_

_Hermione snorted, not believing him. "You certainly have a way of showing it and giving me praise."_

"_I snapped Hermione, okay. I've been stressed a lot lately. Students are being hard headed, and all. I really hate it when it's NEWTS time. And with the research I'm doing. Extra work, stress, everything. And with you as my apprentice, it just adds more into that. You know me, I tend to snap when I'm stressed or angry, and it's something that I'm not proud of."_

_Hermione understood. She witnessed those times when he would lose his cool in Grimmauld place when he was still a double spy. She knew his behavior, character and personality, and in the end, she still fell in love with him. "You can stop apprenticing me if it's too much Severus, really."_

"_What? Don't be absurd," Severus said softly in surprise. He pulled her with both his arms and made her sit astride his lap. "I can handle it Hermione. It's nothing like my spying days, but still stressful," he murmured against her temple. He kissed her brow softly and sighed placing his head on her shoulder. Her simple embrace made him relax, making him able to apologize. "I'm sorry. Forgive me."_

_Hermione felt her heart tighten at the sincerity of his voice. He was true to his word, and seeing a softer side of him did take her breath away. Rare wasn't the right word, but over time, he continued to open up to her more, and she really felt touched by it. "You're forgiven Severus. Next time, it's better to talk things out. I know it's hard for you, but try."_

"_I will."_

_Hermione lowered her head, and kissed the skin of his neck. "You should get your mind off things for a bit. What do you want to do tonight? Eat out someplace nice? I'll even give you a nice relaxing body massage before you sleep? It's our six month anniversary."_

"_Oh shit!" Severus cursed softly, pulling away._

_Hermione gave him a small smile. "You forgot didn't you?"_

"_I had things planned out two weeks ago. Dinner at a hotel and a room to spend the night in. It slipped my mind. I'm sorry My Rose."_

_Hermione cupped Severus's face in her hands, kissing his nose and then his lips. "It doesn't matter where or how we celebrate, as long as I'm with you. Even being just here with you is enough." Her lips met his another time, kissing him deeply. She felt him shift her, and soon found herself lying back on the soft grass._

---

Hermione touched the grass at her side with her hand, as her feet and legs were submerged in the cool water of the stream at the back of the farm. It was a nice place to have breakfast since it wasn't too hot in the day. She was having a breakfast picnic alone, as the horse that she rode earlier was tied up to the tree nearby, probably eating the rich grass. Biting into her bacon and egg sandwich, she remembered how they celebrated their sixth month anniversary.

They had gone to watch a movie in muggle London, and then had a simple dinner at a pub nearby. She was more concerned about him and his stress, wanting him to enjoy the night with a beer or two. When they had gotten home, she not only massaged him but brought him to orgasm as she pleasure him with her hands and mouth while he just laid down and relaxed.

It was before she slept she heard him say the three words, _"I love you."_

She missed those words painfully, just as much as she missed him calling her 'My Rose.' She couldn't forget the night that he arrived in her home. Those words were replaced with 'I hate you' and 'I pity you.'

Hermione wondered and asked herself if she was to ever hear words of love come out of his mouth. She couldn't help it, even though she knew that he was engaged, she wanted him so much. A part of her heart still hoped and believed that there was a chance, and she was willing to wait an entire lifetime if she had to. Like she told herself before, she was willing to have him around regardless of how he treated her. Love was worth the pain, wasn't it?

Her heart was already broken long before. Whatever was left, continued to break since he started to work with her. In the end, she wasn't so sure she could handle him walking away, never seeing again. Over eight years ago was tough, and the second time around would only be tougher.

"Good morning Hermione," Dean greeted her as he walked towards her.

Disrupted from her thoughts, Hermione turned to the direction of Dean's voice. She smiled from cheek to cheek, seeing the most adorable little puppy in his arms. "Puppy! It's so cute!"

"I just got him this morning," Dean informed as he sat down right next to her, handing her the little one. "He's a chocolate Labrador that I bought at Edison, a town just north from here." He chuckled and watched as Hermione cooed the little one, and giggled when it licked her chin. "He likes you."

"What's his name?" she asked.

"Haven't really thought of anything yet. Watch it," he warned, seeing the puppy start to eat Hermione's sandwich.

"It's alright, I wasn't hungry anymore," Hermione said as she stroked the soft fur on the puppy's back. She frowned as she watched it eat her sandwich, seeing him only eat parts of it. There was no bacon left, only bits of bread and a whole lot of egg. She raised her head up and saw the same look on Dean's face. "I think Bacon's a good name."

"Bacon it is," Dean laughed, watching Bacon walk to the side of the water and drink when he was done eating. "Hermione," he started, "I know I'm not one to intrude, but I have to ask… Love life bugging you again?"

Hermione sighed and shook her head. "What did Alice tell you?"

"She didn't tell me anything," Dean replied. "Sometimes you're an open book, and your broken heart is written all over your face."

"So everyone else knows?"

"Yeah, a few years I guess. It's not just me."

"Shit!" Hermione cursed. "That's the downfall of small towns… Everyone knows everything."

"What about this farm? Are you going to buy it?" he asked changing the subject. The look on her face about her love life was sad, and he didn't want to sadden her further. Obviously, the previous subject at hand was a very sensitive and personal matter.

"Alice told you about it?" Hermione asked. Just to be safe, she thought it was a private subject between her and Alice, not wanting the others to find out, fearing that she would cause a conflict if they didn't know.

"No one else knows about Alice selling, just Philippe and I," Dean replied.

"I told Alice I need some time to think about it."

"Honestly Hermione, Philippe and I are with Alice. Wouldn't want her to sell to anyone else but you. She might even sell to some corporation without even knowing. I hate it when farms are taken over by corporations. It changes everything, not just the farm, but the town itself. Greedy scum bags, thinking about themselves and not the people. It isn't right."

Hermione thought for a moment, and felt slightly pressured to take Alice's offer. "You think I'll do well?"

"Just as good as Alice, or even better," Dean replied. "Even your hybrid ideas blew me away."

Later, after their small talk, Hermione accompanied Dean into town to buy things for Bacon. She drove his pickup truck, while Bacon stayed on her lap. It was very obvious that the little puppy took well to Hermione, better than he had taken to his owner. Dean wasn't going to complain.

-----

AN – I _love_ bacon! I could eat it all the time. I'd probably die early though. Haha! **Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

AN - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 13

Hermione woke up, feeling an unusual coldness against her nose. She pulled back, opened her eyes, and waited for her vision to clear. There next to her pillow lay Bacon on his stomach still very much asleep.

Over a week had passed by quickly, and Bacon was far too attached with Hermione going with her where ever she went. Even without a leash at times, he still walked along her side, or was carried up in her arms. The little one's behavior not only surprised Hermione, but everyone as well. Sure, he did do his bathroom business almost anywhere for he was yet to be trained, but other than that, he was well behaved. Watching Bacon sleep peacefully like a baby, Hermione couldn't help but think about motherhood.

When she and Severus were still together, she imagined that the two of them were happily married and with children. As their relationship continued to get serious over time, they had talked about the subject a few times when marriage became a topic. For Severus, it was still hard for him to believe that she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with him and even carry his children. Hermione reassured him that she wanted nothing more, and that he truly was the one.

Those dreams of the two them together had fizzled away. Since the day that Hermione made that accidental mistake, the years that passed by, they were just dreams of her imagination. She knew that they no longer could become a reality. Still, she hung on to them. What would their children look like? Curly hair? Hooked nose? Deep rich brown on black eyes?

To Hermione, there was no doubt in her mind that Severus would become a wonderful father. Under all that façade and cold hearted person that many thought of, he was a man with a heart, and could love a great deal. In fact, among everyone that Hermione knew in her life, Severus was probably the person with the softest heart. She opened his heart long ago, and taught him how to love.

Now, that Severus loved someone else, it gutted her. He had moved on with someone else, while she still lived in the past. It was hard to move on, especially when she always loved him. Ron was just a slip up in her life, her heart never belonged to him. Sadly, Severus knew that, and even if she told him that now, what was the use?

A pitiful whimper had caught Hermione's attention. She saw that Bacon had opened his puppy dog eyes and looked at her sadly. "Good morning you," she saw rubbing the back of his ear softly.

For years, she was lonesome every time she woke up alone in bed. Now for over a week, Bacon had been sleeping right next to her. The puppy was always tired at the end of the day, and Hermione didn't want Dean to wake him in his peaceful slumber, so that is where he remained, not going home with his master. It felt good to wake up next to him even though he was a puppy. Dogs where man's best friend after all. "What do you say we have some bacon Bacon?"

Bacon stood up on his four feet, and wagged his tail excitedly. He barked three times before jumping towards Hermione, licking her face.

"Alright, alright!" Hermione giggled. She picked him up, put him on the floor and walked to the bathroom, getting ready for the day.

---

Hermione stared outside the window from where she sat. For breakfast, she decided to stop by Lucy's Diner in town. There was a delivery of roses that had to be brought to the town church, and she took it, thinking she wanted some diner breakfast at the diner.

Lucy's Diner was owned be Mary Stevens, a town local that had the diner past down from her mother Lucy. Many people around town ate there a lot, in fact, some almost every day. The establishment served great diner, comforting classics, which was different from the food served at the inn. Sometimes Hermione needed a break from eating the fancy food that Sheila made, so her meals would volley between the both of them.

"Here you are sweety," Mary said, placing a small bowl of water next to the almost empty plate of bacon beneath the table where Bacon was eating.

"Thanks Mary," Hermione said with a small smile as she continued eating her chocolate chip waffles.

"You sure he's Dean's and not yours?" Mary asked pouring coffee in Hermione's cup.

"He is Dean's, he just hangs out with me a lot," Hermione replied. "He does listen to him when Dean does play and train him. He doesn't complain."

"Bacon is an adorable, smart fella.' I've never seen a dog take to one so much, especially a puppy that's only three months old. It's unheard of. When will you be here until by the way?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow night," Hermione replied.

Bacon who had finished drinking, sat back on his back feet, and looked up at Hermione. He whimpered sadly and put his small foot on Hermione's patting at it.

"See? He understands you and doesn't want you to leave."

When Mary left to serve coffee to another customer, Hermione picked up Bacon in her arms, and held him close to her. "I wish I could take you along with me buddy," she said softly. "I just have a lot of work to do back in the city, and I won't be able to play with you. And things are different there, that you wouldn't even like it."

Bacon only continued to whimper and settled his head on Hermione's shoulder.

Hermione thought about how she and Bacon had just bonded and become so close quickly. It was like her relationship with Crookshanks long ago. Except for some odd reason, it was different. There was another degree of closeness, and she couldn't explain what it was. She'd miss him the most when it was time to leave. But when she would come back, he was the first thing she would want to see.

---

At the town's park and square in the center of town, Hermione watched Bacon turn in a circle and finally do his business. When he was all done, with a paper bag in hand, she cleaned up his mess and properly deposited it in the garbage can. At seeing an empty park bench, she decided to sit down a bit and think back on Alice's offer.

By Hermione's estimations, she could afford the place. It would cost her a few million, and she would have more to spare. Alan paid her more than well with her potions. But could she turn back from potions and make something else her life? She couldn't work alone on it anyhow. Planting roses were much easier to work with, and not life threatening. Her injury was never a problem with it.

But if she did it, it would be the biggest step in her life, so she had to think about it really well. Hermione was clearly a workaholic, everyone knew. Owning a business though, that was something different. She was a leader, and could lead people yes, but it really was a whole different ball park. Could she do it, especially continue with what Alice did?

As she continued to think about it, she noticed that she was happy with working with roses. And her happiness with potions… come to think of it, she wasn't happy at all. Satisfied, yes, but not happy.

Was it because of Severus? Maybe. Before they had become a couple, she did want to become a potions mistress. And when they were a couple, she did imagine them working together in tandem. Maybe because that reality no longer existed, her feeling of potions changed along with it.

Hermione looked down right next to her, and Bacon was standing up, and his head was tilted to one side. He seemed like he was reading and examining her. "You get me, don't you?" she asked.

Bacon barked once in reply, and placed a little paw in her thigh.

"What do you think I should do?" Hermione asked. "Buy the farm?"

Again he barked.

"I think you're only saying yes because you want me here forever," Hermione smiled. "Trust me, when I'm not here, I'll miss you very much."

Bacon moved and settled himself in her lap, hanging his head low between her legs.

"Come on buddy," Hermione said as she stood up and carried him. She knew that he was sad and needed to cheer him up. "Let's get you a big bag of bacon chew bits in the supermarket."

---

For hours, Hermione checked on some of the roses in the farm, specifically the hybrids that she created. Some of them were in temperature controlled environments in separate rose barns, while others grew well normally outside. As she stared at them, she couldn't help but be smug that she created roses that were so beautiful.

The farm had become more famous because of them. Alice even had mentioned her name in a few interviews and gardening magazines. Hermione never really bothered herself. She didn't want any more fame after being labeled a whore. She was pleased alone, knowing that she created something beautiful and that many people loved as well. That was all the satisfaction that Hermione needed to have with her roses.

Her back protested in pain when she stood up straight. Squatting down and being bent over for hours was a hazard. Hermione looked around and noticed that Bacon was still where she left him, tied under a tree. Instead of playing with his little toy ball, he was asleep under the cool shade. Decided to rest for herself, Hermione made her way towards him, and sat back against the tree truck, sighed in relief.

"Mind if I join you?" Alice asked. She too had been working at some of the roses for hours, though not as long as Hermione.

Hermione only nodded, taking her own gloves off, and tossing them aside.

"I once loved a wizard long ago," Alice spoke softly.

Right away, Hermione had all her attention and focus towards Alice. This was new to her. Alice never opened up about her love life.

"I couldn't marry him. It was all because of muggle born and pureblooded politics. I'm sure you know what I mean, but it was worse before," Alice continued as she looked ahead of her, remembering her own past. She decided to open up to Hermione before things got worse with her. "He was a pureblood, he couldn't marry me, and his parents wouldn't allow it. So, I let him go, knowing that we couldn't continue anymore.

"However, my heart didn't let him go. There was a time when another wizard was interested in me. He started to court me, and I eventually had feelings for him. But those feelings didn't grow into love. My heart was closed to that idea. After years—decades, I finally realized my mistake."

"You shouldn't have let him go?" Hermione asked.

"No, I should've given my heart a chance to open and love again," Alice answered. She turned to face Hermione and saw the confused look on her face. "There are a many things we can't control in this world that is the reality. And love doesn't always come knocking at your door."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Pining over him for the rest of your life isn't worth it. You can love another Hermione, it'll just take time. You'll regret it when love comes knocking at your door again, and you miss the bus."

"I believe that there is only one true love in a lifetime. _He's_ the only one that I'll ever love," Hermione said. She knew that Alice was already trying to tell her, and the words refused to sink in.

"Love is like life. It isn't a fairytale. For some, they are very lucky, but for others… You refuse to believe it now, but hopefully, you'll see it soon enough. I don't want you to live alone and depressed at the end of your life. It's not worth it." Alice stood up and walked away, leaving Hermione to ponder on her words.

"It's worth it," Hermione said to herself, hanging her head. Without a doubt, she knew that her heart belonged to Severus and no one else.

-----

AN – What do you think Hermione should do? **Review!  
(Still no new laptop for me, but I'm still trying.)**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 14

Severus was seated on the living room couch, waiting impatiently for over a week for Hermione's return. When was the damn witch going to return? He tried to contact her many times, but with no such luck. Hermione's cellphone remained out of reach.

After the weekend at Malfoy Manor, Severus had planned that he would go back to Paris with Giselle since Hermione decided that she was going on a vacation for a week. It was what he needed he thought since he and Giselle hadn't seen each other in months. Severus's plans however were shot lived. Not only did he spend less than twenty four hours with Giselle, their relationship had ended.

---

"_I don't understand," Severus spoke. He and Giselle were seated in her living room sofa. "You're ending our engagement—our relationship?"_

"_Yes," Giselle replied sadly._

"_Why? Have I done something wrong?" Severus asked._

_Giselle shook her head. "You still love Hermione, Severus. And to you, I'll never compare to that."_

"_What?! What did she say to you when you two had a talk? Don't take her words seriously Giselle," Severus said in anger. What did she say do or rather say this time? The woman already broke his heart years ago, and now she was breaking up his relationship with someone else?_

"_She didn't tell me anything," Giselle replied calmly. "She didn't have to. I can see it all… She still loves you, and you do her."_

"_You've got to be joking!" Severus stood up and started to pace back and forth, until he stopped and crossed his arms. Maybe Giselle was just jealous about not just him working with Hermione, but also living with her. "I'll quit the project right now if you want me to. I won't have to work and live with her anymore. It'll just be you."_

_Once again, Giselle saw what Severus couldn't see. He was still in love with Hermione, because she didn't hear what she needed to hear. Severus didn't acknowledge her previous comment, or deny it. It was all over his face, and actions. His arms crossed over his chest was, a subconscious sign of self defense. She knew him well enough. And since the beginning, she should've seen more of the signs when she felt his heart wasn't in it fully. She thought that it was just him, but when Hermione came into the picture, she understood._

_They have been engaged for over a year, but a wedding date was never planned. A few times, Giselle had asked Severus what date would be good for him so that they could start planning. His excuse was that he was busy. But when the project came along, he dropped everything and went to San Francisco. It wasn't for the project she realized, but for Hermione. If Severus did love Giselle that much, then he would've dropped whatever needed so that they could move forward in their relationship and get married. But how could they, when there was someone else in his heart?_

_Giselle stood up on her feet and slowly made her way towards Severus. Once in front of him, she stared down at her engagement ring. Her heart pained yes, but she wasn't angry at him. It wasn't his fault for he was blinded by his own pain. "Maybe we're just better off as friends." She took off the ring, and placed it in his hand._

_Severus stared down at the ring in his open palm. His relationship had ended, and it was all because of Hermione._

---

Hermione drove down the city streets of San Francisco, nearing home. In one hand, she held an open carbonated drink that was in an unlabeled bottle. No, it wasn't beer, but a specially made carbonated drink that was rose flavored. She already was missing the place severely, most especially Bacon.

Before she had departed from Alice's Rose Farm and Inn, she was carrying Bacon in her arms. As her bags were being put in her car by Dean, the little puppy kept on crying and whimpering in her arms. The way Bacon's side brow eyes looked up at her, she knew that he didn't want her to leave, but she had to. She promised him that she'd return soon, feeling all teary eyed. And as she started to drive down the driveway, she refused to look back at Bacon, but could hear his little short puppy dog howls. It pained her that she left him, but she would see him soon when she returned.

After pulling into her garage, Hermione stared down at the drink she was holding. Throughout her entire trip back, she was sipped it slowly, tasting the rose flavored goodness, making the taste linger on her tongue. Her vacation was almost alcohol free as she did drink some wine during some of her meals. She knew her alcoholism was going to get back on track soon. It was back to the _real world_, and she wasn't happy about it. Sighing a curse to herself softly, she got out of the car, and carried her luggage and duffel back, walking her way to the kitchen door.

"Where have you been?" Severus asked aloud in anger as he watched her walk in. "I've been trying to call you all week!"

Hermione frowned at him. What blew his top off? "What's your problem?" she asked placing the bags on the floor nearby. Before she knew it, she found herself pinned against the wooden door, looking at a very angry Severus Snape. The drink that she was holding slipped from her hold, and crashed to the ground, making a fizzy mess on the floor.

"You're my problem woman!" Severus bellowed as his hands squeeze her upper arms tightly. "What the fuck did you tell my fiancé the other weekend? What?!"

"Bloody hell Severus!" Hermione said allowed, trying to squirm away. He was too strong, his tightening and it was hurting her. "I don't know what you're getting at."

"She broke up with me because of you, you know that?!"

Hermione froze in complete shock. Because of her? How could she have become a cause?

"So, since you were having fun out with your boyfriend or whoever that sends you those fucking dead roses, my love life has been flushed down the toilet. And for what? Did you plan all this, wanting to tear me and her apart?"

"What? No!" Hermione answered aloud. She was honestly frightened of him at this moment. Never had she seen him angry before. He was angrier than he was the morning he had found her sleeping with Ron. His face was no longer pale, but red from anger. Next to his brows, she could see his veins pulsating. Severus's black eyes were filled with so much anger, as if there was actual fire burning within them. "I'd never do that to you—"

"Bullshit!" he interrupted. "First you broke my heart, and then you stand in the way of Giselle and I! Are you purposely causing pain and misery to me? Are you?!"

Hermione's mouth gaped open for a moment. She was too shocked to answer right away. Finally, she was able to shout to a level that pared with his voice. "No!"

Reluctantly, Severus let her go, but remained standing in front of her. "For months, you have become a pain in my arse; a burden not only to my work, but apparently, to my relationship as well." He looked down at the ground and kicked a big piece of the broken bottle, smashing into small pieces as it hit the wall. "Giselle said that you loved me, not that I care. And then she said that I still loved you. Guess what?"

Hermione flinched and covered her face the split second she saw Severus's fist coming towards her. Instead of getting hit, there was a very loud sound right next to her ears when his fist hit the wood behind her, barely away from her ear.

"It's gone Hermione! It went out the fucking window when you slept with that Weasley boy! And yet, up to now, you still manage to break my heart when I'm involved with someone else. What did I do to you to make you break me again and again?" Severus waited for an answer. He didn't care about her tears. They didn't unnerve him, not this time. He was too angry. "Give me a fucking answer!"

Hermione couldn't answer, too overwhelmed with everything that he just said and accused her of. Tears kept on flowing out of her eyes. No longer could she look at the man that she loved. He was blaming her for everything. And even though not everything was her fault, she was at fault to begin with. She hung her head low and just sobbed.

Severus stepped away from Hermione and moved towards the kitchen island. He bent himself over, resting his elbows on the wood, and hanging his head between his hands. His heart was tightening in pain. As he ran his fingers through his hair, he started to speak. "At the beginning of our relationship, you've healed me from being a broken man. And then you break me when you sleep with another. Then you break me when I was with Giselle. Just because you were the one that healed me first doesn't give you the right to break me whenever you want… Damn you Hermione. Damn you."

"Severus… I never meant to. Please—" Hermione said brokenly before she was interrupted.

"Why don't you just do me a favor and drop dead Hermione," Severus said softly. He closed his eyes, groaning when he felt the beginnings of a migraine build up.

Hermione looked at Severus's back through her tears. His last words were the final straw. Severus had caused her the worst kind of pain imaginable. She wanted to tell him the truth and say that she didn't mean to breakup his relationship. But with the way things were, she decided not to. Things were too painful as they were, and his mind was already more than made up on how he portrayed things. Broken is what everything was between them. It was like the past had repeated itself again. If she said anything else, she was afraid that it would make things worse, if that were possible.

Silently, Hermione walked out the door behind her, leaving Severus alone. She knew when she wasn't wanted, but her heart… It still wanted and loved him.

---

The night seemed darker to Hermione as she viewed the world behind her sunglasses. It was very much late in the night, almost midnight. She had been walking for almost an hour to the closest twenty-four hour shop that she knew had liquor. The other shops that were closer by were already closed as they weren't open twenty-four hours. It was a long and hard walk. Taking a cab may have been faster. Apperating as well, if she didn't forget her wand in her duffel bag, but the walking would do her some good.

Drinking the night away is what she had in mind. Nothing like a lot of alcohol couldn't numb, even if it was just temporary. Going to one of her usual bars wasn't an option. This was one of the moments were she just really wanted to be alone. The helipad? Maybe if it wasn't too damned far. Having her best friend, Jack Daniel's was really all that mattered.

Hermione tried to not think of what Severus had told her. His words were utterly painful. He wanted her dead. Honestly, it was killing her slowly and softly. No longer could she hear the words of love that once echoed into her ears and down to her heart. Now it was words of hatred and death. Severus may have said them before, but this last time was different. He once loved her, and all that was left was nothing but hate. He even said so himself, in his own different and hurtful words.

The tears continued on. They never stopped, but only slowed. Hermione could feel the heat of them on her skin as the cool night wind blew on her cheeks. She cried over him for years, but now it wasn't just him. She was crying because of herself.

Hermione felt like she had been ran over by a truck. She was the one to blame for everything. Not just how he destroyed his life, but hers as well. She was right before, everything happened after she slept with Ron. And again, she pained Severus's life without knowing. On top of that, all that dreaming made her selfish, and she got what she rightfully deserved—a shit ass life.

"Fucking hell…" she sniffled to herself as suicidal thoughts started to cross her mind. She remembered the first and only time she tried to take her life. There was no alcohol to help her numb the pain. Now, the pain was so unbearable, maybe the alcohol wouldn't help. Maybe it would be best if she did die. That's what Severus wanted after all.

---

After Hermione placed her items on the counter, she pulled out a few dollars from her pocket and paid. Just before her drinks and mints were going to be packed by the Indian man behind the cashier, a punk looking man rudely shoved her out of the way, and started to talk to the Indian guy.

"You sir must wait your turn," the Indian man said rudely. Actually he was the owner of the place, and recognized Hermione as a regular customer, coming in at the afterhours of the night. She was one of the few that never gave him trouble. Just paid and walked away.

"Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?" the punk asked.

"Hey buddy, like he said, wait your turn," Hermione snapped. She was angry and wanted to get out of the shop as soon as possible. Suddenly, she stepped back and raised her arms up in the air. Fear coursed through her veins in less than a second when she found a gun pointing straight at her.

"And what are you going to do about it lady?" he asked raising his chin up. "This is a hold up!" he shouted.

The few other customers that were in the shop all froze on the spot for a moment before ducking behind the short aisles not wanting to get shot if the time came.

The punk turned towards the owner, pointing his gun at him. "All the cash in your safe and in the register, now!"

The owner did as told, grabbing a grocery bag behind him, and started filling it with money.

Hermione started to walk backwards, not wanting to stay so close to the punk. He looked nervous, wanting everything to be done quickly. Perhaps the owner had pressed an emergency button beneath his counter to call for help. If she had her wand, she would've done something, regardless if she was in muggle territory. Obviously she didn't have her wand, and felt scared and hopeless standing next to an armed person.

The punk man looked at Hermione, and stretched his hand out. "Your fucking necklace. Give it to me lady!"

Immediately, Hermione held onto the pendant with one hand. She couldn't give it. Severus had given it to her. It was valuable and she wasn't going to part with it what so ever. "No!" she said firmly in refusal. She gulped when she watched him cock the gun.

"Give it!" he demanded.

"No…" Hermione said nervously. For a brief split second, she heard the sound of a gunshot, and then a severe pain in her belly. She looked down at her stomach and saw the blood. Her knees unbuckled, making her fall to the ground.

The pain was agonizing, and was nothing like Hermione felt. She brought to hands to the open wound, not knowing what to hold on to. There was so much blood coming out that everything around her started to slow down, blur and the sounds echoed in her ears.

When a person had come into her eyes sight, part of her brain remembered who it was. She brought her hand up towards her pendant, and felt another hand hold onto hers. With what little strength she had left, she held onto the pendant for life as she felt the chain tug and break around her neck. It was tug of war between her and the punk. But it wasn't a game.

Upon hearing the sounds of sirens from afar, and closing in, the punk gave up on his fight for the pendant. He leapt on to his feet and started to run towards the door. On the way, he grabbed the money bag and fired one random shot into the ceiling before running outside.

Hermione couldn't breathe. She tasted the familiar taste of copper that had flooded her mouth quickly. She unclasped her hand, and saw the pendant covered in her own blood. Before everything went dark, the last thing that came into her mind was that Severus got his wish…

She was going to die.

-----

AN – Was able to do a quick update because of the long weekend :) Cliffy! Cliffy! Cliffy! **Review! Review! Review!**


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 15

San Francisco Medical Hospital was the prime hospital in the city. It catered to patients both muggle and wizard. The hospital had distinct wings around the building, one of them being the Grand Wing, which was funded by Alan himself when it was built. Unknown to the muggle eye, it only catered to wizards and witches.

Inside the Grand Wing ICU department, Severus was standing right outside Hermione's room. He was staring at her through the glass window, watching as the machines around her monitored her vitals. Sighing, he leaned his brow against the cool glass, wondering if she was ever going to forgive him.

Hours ago, around one AM, Alan had called him on his cellphone. Once he heard the name Hermione, he wanted to hang up right away. But as the Alan continued on, he felt his heart drop down to his stomach when he heard that Hermione had gotten shot and was being rushed to the hospital.

Severus remembered exactly what he had told Hermione when they were arguing. He told her to drop dead, and that is what almost had happened. Again, his anger had gotten the best of him, making him say things that he really didn't mean to say, and additionally, never thinking that they would happen. But it _almost_ did happen. And if Hermione were to drop dead, he didn't know if he could take it.

Every single fiber and bone in his body regretted what he had told her. His chest tightened at the thought of Hermione dying. He prayed to God for the nth time in the past few hours, wishing he could take back everything that he said, and praying that she would soon regain consciousness.

"Severus?" Alan's voice called.

"Yes?" Severus said hoarsely, not turning to face him. He was afraid that if he kept his eyes off Hermione for a single moment, something else would happen to her.

"I just talked to the police," Alan started. "They caught the man that held up the shop, and shot Hermione."

"He should go to Azkaban," Severus said lowly with much hatred and anger.

"If he weren't a muggle, he would. But he'll get his punishment, and is being charged with attempted murder to the first degree. If Hermione does… you know…" Alan said with uneasiness, not being able to say. He didn't want Hermione to die, but he was speaking the truth. "Those charges will change."

Inhaling deeply, Severus clenched his jaw and fists. No, Hermione couldn't die. He wasn't going to accept it. With his fists at his side, he wanted to beat whoever the man was that shot her to a pulp.

"The police gave me this," Alan said taking out a small clear piece of plastic. "I think that you should hold on to it first."

Severus turned to Alan and watched him take out a piece of jewelry, and placing it in his hand. Instantly, he recognized it despite all the blood. His thumb traced the ridges of the golden petals, bringing him back to the happy past he once had with Hermione.

"Witnesses at the shop say that the man asked for it twice, but Hermione refused to give it. Police say that she probably wouldn't have gotten shot if she had just given up. When they got to the scene, even though she had lost consciousness, she was still holding it tightly." Alan looked at Severus, knowing that the pendant had some sort of past between him and Hermione. "It must be of some sentimental value since she really didn't want to let it go. I'll go and talk to the healers and see if there is any progress," he said, leaving the dark wizard with his own thoughts again.

---

_The school day had ended with the last schedule of classes. Severus made his way towards the private potions lab, knowing he would find Hermione there. And he was right, seeing her stooped over a potions book that was open on the potions table. She was too into her book to even notice him entering._

"_Aah!" Hermione screamed in shock, jumping from her stool when she felt something go around her. When she noticed it was Severus, she gave him a firm slap on his shoulder, and shrugged out of his arms. "That wasn't funny!"_

"_I didn't mean to scare you Hermione," Severus said as he pulled her into his arms again. "What are you reading anyway? Once again, you are too caught up in your reading."_

"_Lycanthropy and Wolfsbane," Hermione answered with the title of the book._

"_And what did you think?" Severus asked. He knew the many answers that could come out of Hermione's mouth. She read the book one too many times. In fact, he knew that book well, like the back of his hand. It was he that wrote the book._

"_The author's brilliant," she answered, bringing up a hand to his face, cupping a cheek. "You're brilliant."_

_Severus felt his stomach clench uncomfortably. He was never one to take praise and compliments easily, for there were very few that did so directly to him. And the way Hermione said it, he knew there was an additional add on to it, and that was love. "Enough about me," he said wanting to change the subject. "It's your birthday."_

"_And I had a wonderful day," Hermione said sarcastically. Teaching some potions classes wasn't her idea of spending the majority of her day._

"_This weekend, I do have something special planned," Severus informed her. If there weren't any classes tomorrow, they could've moved on with his plans. "But for now," he pulled out a small pouch from his pocket, "all I can give you is your gift."_

_Hermione stared at the black pouch as it was handed to her. She then looked at Severus, and saw him urge her to open it. She did so, pulling out the contents of it. Her eyes widened as she gasped in surprise seeing a white gold rose pedant, with a pink diamond that glittered brightly in the center of it._

"_Read what's behind it," Severus said._

_Hermione turned the pendant around. Her eyes got all misty when she saw what was engraved behind it. "Oh Severus, it's beautiful."_

_Severus took the pendant and its chain, placing it around Hermione's neck. "Not as beautiful as you. And even if I've given you this, it doesn't mean I'll stop giving you a single red rose every week."_

_Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Thank you Severus. I love it and I love you."_

_Severus nodded and placed his brow against hers. One hand went up to hold the back of her neck as the other took hold of the pendant. "I may not say it often Hermione, but this pendant is a symbol of that. I love you, and I always will."_

"_Me too Severus. Always," Hermione said softly._

"_Always."_

---

Lucius poked his head into one of the waiting rooms in the ICU, and saw Severus sitting alone. He had been looking for his old friend for a while, carrying some breakfast items in a paper bag. He knew that there was a high probability that Severus didn't have any breakfast, or hasn't had anything to eat in hours.

"It's all my fault," Severus said solemnly when he saw Lucius sit beside him from the corner of his eye. He had his head hung low as he kept on thinking about Hermione. He wanted to be at her bedside and hold her hand, but because of his feelings of guilt, he couldn't even walk into her room. "Fuck me!" he cursed as he rubbed the back of his already aching neck.

"Why not have some coffee first?" Lucius suggested as he handed Severus one of the two large coffee cups. After Severus took his coffee, he reached into the paper bag, pulling out two bagels, giving one to him again. "I came here as soon as Alan called me."

"It's all my fault," Severus said again. He only touched his coffee, leaving the bagel on his lap. He really didn't have much of an appetite. "It wouldn't have—shouldn't have happened."

"I know that Alan asked you to keep an extra eye out on Hermione, but it doesn't mean you have to be with her _all_ the time," the blonde wizard spoke. "Hermione drinks, we all know that. She just walked into the wrong store at the wrong time."

"Because of me Lucius. Me!" Severus growled, turning to see him eye to eye.

Lucius watched Severus in slight surprise. He could see his chest heaving and the coffee cup in hand shaking. If he were to lose his control, he knew that the coffee going to get squeezed out of his hand, and explode straight away. With caution, he reached for the cup, and placed it not so close to Severus so as it wouldn't spill all over the place, but also not so far so he could just reach for it and drink.

"Giselle broke up with me last week," Severus said calmly.

"I heard," Lucius said slightly confused. First they were talking about Hermione and then they had jumped to the subject of Giselle. "Draco went to Paris for business and met up with Giselle when he called her for lunch. She told him it was over between the both of you and Draco relayed it to me."

Severus turned away and shook his head. "That's why we fought. I blamed her for the breakup. Not only that, but I said cruel things to her. That's why she walked out."

"Severus, there is no connection between your fight and what happened to Hermione. No direct connection. Don't blame yourself for it."

"No. You don't understand," Severus said brokenly. "My exact words to her were, 'Why don't you just do be a favor and drop dead.' That is why she walked out. That is why I'm to blame. Merlin dammit… I'm still a bastard aren't I?"

Lucius didn't answer. Instead, he watched Severus closely. His friend's emotional walls were all down. He had only seen him like this once before, and that was over eight years ago after Hermione had slept with the youngest Weasley son. However, it was different. Before Severus's pain was more of anger. Now, it was more of sadness. Both similarities were of heartbreak.

If there was anyone in the world that knew Severus best, Lucius put himself at the top of the list. He knew Severus well for a many number of years. It may have seemed that the man was emotionless, but he was more than that.

Behind the walls be puts up, Severus would be considered the most sensitive man he ever knew. He was far from emotionless as he carried quite a heavy load full of it in his heart. He was never one to take things likely, and when it came to pain, sadness, and all the other negative emotions, he carried them as if he carried the weight of the world. With all the physical pain that Severus had endured, it was really nothing compared to what he had inside him. And it worried Lucius many times. He was afraid that his friend would never be happy, that was until Hermione came into his heart. He could see that he still loved her, beyond it all. But could he himself see it?

"I'll never forgive myself if she actually dies Lucius. And if she doesn't and she'll never forgive me," Severus said softly. Both ways were painful, but he didn't want Hermione to die. Heck, he probably wouldn't forgive himself either if she lived.

Lucius handed Severus back his coffee, and patted him on the shoulder. "There is another side to it all Severus. You'll come and see it eventually." He paused for a moment, knowing that Severus's silence meant that he wanted his privacy. "I'll go check on her now since I haven't had my visit."

Alone again, there was one word that continued to haunt Severus as he thought about the pedant in the pocket of his jeans. 'Always…'

Maybe Giselle was correct, maybe he did still love Hermione. But the question was, would it remain the same after everything that had just happened for Hermione? Severus wasn't sure anymore, and honestly, it scared him.

-----

AN – A guilty feeling Severus… **Review!**


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 16

A week went by, and there was much progress with Hermione's condition. No longer did she need so many machines to aid her. She was transferred from the ICU and moved to a regular private room—specifically the Presidential Suite in the Grand Wing by Alan's orders. But she hadn't regained consciousness yet.

During the week that past, Hermione had some visitors. It was Lucius who informed everyone else about what had happened, and many of her old friends came, bringing prayers and flowers. Amongst all of them Severus was surprised to see Potter.

---

_Severus was seated alone, in a table, inside the cafeteria. In front of him, was a plate full of spaghetti with meat sauce. He had barely touched his lunch. It wasn't that the food was bland, as all hospital food was, but it was because he really didn't have much of an appetite. If there was any eating, it was his guilt that was eating him._

"_Professor Snape?" a nearby voice called._

_Upon snapping his head up, Severus noticed Harry standing next to the empty chair in front of him. "Potter," he drawled, narrowing his eyes. "What is it you want? The vet's down the road if you need anything." He wanted to be alone, and most definitely didn't want to spend anytime whatsoever with The-Boy-Who-Lived-And-Killed-Voldemort._

_Harry ignored Severus's comment, and sat himself down on the vacant chair. "I just came here to visit Hermione," he informed._

"_Obviously she isn't here," Severus hissed. "Ninth floor Potter, or are you really that stupid? Why'd you even come? After her outbreak with you at Malfoy Manor, I think she'd still be pissed off at you for whatever reason. Not that it's my problem."_

"_You're right professor, I am stupid. I only realized my mistakes with Hermione after she almost died." Harry placed his hands on the table and cracked his knuckles before he continued. "Out of everybody, I was the last one to approve of the relationship that the both of you had before. She obviously didn't care, and always followed after her own heart. As a friend, I could do nothing but accept it. As long as she was happy and that you didn't hurt her, I didn't complain. And then when she slept with Ron, things turned upside down."_

_Severus clenched his jaw, and started to breath heavily. He didn't want to be reminded of The-Fucking-Redhead-That-His-Ex-Fucked-And-Cheated-With. It was a subject he hadn't talked about for years._

"_She explained things to me, but I wouldn't listen. She made a bad arse mistake which was against my morals. Even though it was you, you were the one who got hurt. You may not have known it, but at that time, I was on your side by choice." Harry shook his head, and clenched his hands into fists. "Ever wondered how the press found out about it?"_

_Severus looked at Harry and didn't say anything. Honestly though, he was curious, and the question did cross his mind in the past. Who was the one who leaked the affair to the press? All the while, he thought that it was Weasley as he himself ran off to another country. But that was only an assumption, an assumption that he soon believed. The boy did have a mouth on him and didn't know when to shut up, and wanted nothing more than to be the center of attention and be popular._

"_It was me. I spilled the beans to the press," Harry finally admitted._

_On the outside, Severus remained to seem impassive, keeping his shock to himself. Off all people, he didn't expect it to be him. Now after his admittance, he thought that the younger wizard was better than that._

"_I did it because I wanted not just Hermione, but Ron as well to realize their mistakes. He was trying to go after her for awhile, but then she ended up with you instead. Anyways, you know how the press are. I never told them she was a whore. It was them that used their own words. I just wanted to get some sense knocked into them most especially her since she was in a relationship. I thought that she could stand up against them, and not bother with all their crap like I did. But with a broken heart, I guess she didn't have the strength to." Harry cursed to himself and hung his head low as he took off his glasses to rub his eyes. He wasn't going to cry. His eyes felt tired as he had stayed up the night before, unable to sleep. He had difficulty in trying to find the words to write in Hermione's get well card. It was more than a get well card as he also wanted to apologize to her._

_If there was any room for anger left inside Severus, he would've grabbed Harry by the collar and knocked him down on the floor, giving him a few good solid punches. Potter was the one that needed to get some sense knocked into him. On top of that, it was he that made Hermione feel humiliated. But he had to step back and think again. Would he have run to Hermione's side if he knew it was Potter that leaked to the press?_

_Severus knew his answer as he pondered on his own question harder. It was a no. He remembered seeing her all hurt around Potter. Their friendship had all broken up, hurting her even further. She stood alone, having no one else to run to, making her runaway from everything and everyone. It bothered Severus as he continued to think about the past with more questions._

_If he had just taken a step back and noticed, would he have opened his arms to her? Would he have seen her past his heartbreak as a friend in need? Would he ever forgive her for what she did? Again, Severus's answer to himself was no._

_The past was exactly the same as the present. His anger had clouded everything. Maybe if he just set it aside for even just a second, he would've listened to Hermione himself. She probably wouldn't have had disappeared over eight years ago. Most of all, she wouldn't have had walked out the door last week._

_It was then and there that Severus promised himself that he would try to set his anger aside. Maybe his answer would change into yes's and he could forgive her._

"_What you did was beneath you Potter," he spoke, continuing their discussion. "No matter what lesson you are trying to teach, humiliation isn't the way—friends or not… unless of course you follow the ways of the Dark Lord."_

"_No!" Harry answered right away. "I just…" He murmured nonsense words into his hand as he tried to figure out what to say. "I regret it. It cost me my friendship with Hermione and Ron. I'm not proud of what I did. I want to try and sort things out with them—Hermione first. Don't think she'd want to talk to me, so I apologized in a card."_

"_A cowardly route," Severus said. But new questions came into mind. How was he going to apologize to Hermione? Would he be able to face her, or take the same route as Potter?_

"_Defeating Voldemort was easier," Harry said as he stood up. "Ginny must be looking for me. I'll see you when I see you professor," he said before walking away._

_Severus had to agree with Potter. He would need more courage to face Hermione._

---

At Hermione's bedside, there Severus sat. Perhaps it was all the machines that scared him when she was in the ICU. After her transfer, he finally had the courage to walk past the door. Now, there he sat, as he stared at her hand that lay close to the edge of the bed.

Not knowing that he held his breath, he reached for her hand. When his hand touched hers, he instantly held hers firmly. There was a need that Severus wanted Hermione to respond to his hold, but it didn't happen. With his other hand, he made her fingers entwine with his other hand, imagining that she was actually holding his hand.

Severus's hands were much larger than Hermione's. So many times before, he had held them. It was the simplest form of affection between lovers, showing the world that they were together or that they were there for each other. Hermione's hands did so much for him, loving and taking of him. Touch was a simple act that broke all bounds. Her touch is what made him who he was.

He raised Hermione's hand up towards his mouth, letting his fingers touch his lips. Softly, he planted a small kiss on each of them. When done, he made them run over the thick stubble that had grown over night. As he thought about shaving later on, he remembered the way Hermione used to shave him on some mornings. She always took her time, making sure to give him the cleanest and closest shave possible. Never was there a moment were she nipped at his skin accidentally. It was always perfect.

Giselle was far from his thoughts as Severus continued to think about Hermione. It was because of him. There was no other reason why she was there in bed, unconscious, seeming very vulnerable. He prayed that she would regain her consciousness very soon, as every minute that passed by seeing her in such a way was agonizing.

Slowly, Severus moved himself closer to her. He moved so that part of his upper body lay right at the edge of the bed. He brushed away the curly tangles away from her face, and kissed her temple.

"Hermione…" he spoke in a whispered strangle. He swallowed the lump that formed beneath his throat before he continued. "I'm so sorry. Please, you have to wake up soon. I can only hope that you'll forgive me." He sighed sadly and then inhaled the sweet scent of her hair—one of the many other facets that he missed about her. The words then came out of his mouth, not realizing just how deep they meant to him. "I need you."

-----

AN – Harry-bashing, done by Harry himself. **Review!**


	17. Chapter 17

AN - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 17

Something felt off. It was dark, and her body didn't feel right. Hermione felt as if she was floating, and yet it also felt like something was holding her down. Her midsection hurt as hell, as she swallowed, feeling the dryness of her throat. She tried to move, and if felt like she was carrying a heavy weight load. It took much effort, but eventually she was able to open her eyes.

Hermione squinted as the light hit her eyes. It was a shock to her eyes as she blinked again and again trying to focus on the surroundings around her. The sound of a familiar voice calling her name echoed into her ears. Soon, a blur of different colors or figures started to go left and right. Soon enough, everything did come into focus.

The room was exactly as she had remembered. It was where Hermione was also confined a little over a year ago after her werewolf accident. Around her bed, she recognized the people standing. Her healer name Jacobson, Alan, and lastly, Severus. Sighing, she closed her eyes, not answering Healer Jacobson's questions when he started to wave his wand above her.

When Severus's made the briefest eye contact with Hermione, he saw her sadness. It was he that was at her bedside when she regained consciousness. Relief flooded through him as well as joy, and he leapt out of his seat to call for the healer. However, his relief and joy were short lived, reading Hermione right through her eyes.

"Bloody hell! I'm fine," Hermione said in protest, pulling her wrist away from the healer as he was checking her pulse. It was a lie. She was anything but fine. Physically feeling like shit wasn't the problem. Emotionally feeling like she was, was the problem. Fear, guilt, and sadness was all balling up inside her.

"You were unconscious Hermione, for over a week because you got shot in the stomach," Alan informed her firmly. "Just let him do his job and see if you're alright."

Hermione crossed her arms over her chest and grumbled. When she was asked questions by the healer, she only responded with a single word. Either it was yes or no. She hated hospitals and healers or doctors. Since her accident, she's had more than enough of them and with the way things were going in her life, she wondered if it would ever end.

"We managed to stitch the wound, but it will take some time to heal," Jacobson told Hermione. "So that means, no drinking of your hard alcohol until then."

Hermione snapped her head towards Jacobson, shocked. She hoped that she heard him wrong. "What?!"

"If you don't, your wound won't heal. So laying off your alcohol is a must," Jacobson continued.

Hermione looked at Alan. Her eyes narrowing as her jaw tightened. "Some trick to get me off drinking?" she asked angrily. "Using my current injury as an excuse? That's low."

"I'm not trying to stop you," Alan replied, not taking it as an insult. He wasn't going to try and stop her after the first, last, and only time he tried. Even though his intentions meant well, he didn't dare try and get in the way of her coping. He hoped that it was a phase and if the time did come, he would help her if she asked for it. "He's not joking."

"The mix of alcohol and stomach acid won't do you well, making you feel like your stomach is burning," Jacobson started to explain. "The wound will never heal, and reopen allowing blood to enter. And it will be another time when life or death borders in a few minutes."

Hermione processed his words ever so slowly, trying to register what he had just said. No alcohol? She knew she was at a new low level in her life. Only Jack was the one who could numb her pain, and give her the comfort that she needed. Now, she needed to drink more than anything else, but she couldn't have it. It was off limits or death very soon. Personally, she just wished that she did die.

She tried to ignore seeing Severus, but it was useless since he was standing within her vision. It was as if it had just happened a second ago. The argument that they had kept on replaying in her mind as his words repeated again and again in her ears. She remembered seeing his fist when she thought it would come straight for her. If he actually did hit her, there was no doubt that it would be worse than getting shot. But there was a small part of her that wished he did it.

"Hermione, seriously, no drinking," Alan spoke, pulling out of Hermione from her thoughts.

"Whatever," she murmured softly. She then tried to turn on her side with what little strength she had, grimacing at the pain in her stomach. When she finally got to her side, she curled up pulling the blankets up to her chin. "Leave, I want to be alone."

"Just so you know Hermione, the robber was caught." Alan looked at Severus, and gave a single nod to him before he and Healer Jacobson left.

Hermione wished that all three people left, but saw Severus still standing not far from the foot of her bed. She shut her eyes tightly and wished that he would leave soon. She did want to be left alone with herself and no one else. Damn him for still being in the room.

Severus walked slowly and made his way towards the chair he was in earlier. It was the direction that Hermione was currently facing and thought that now was best time as any to apologize. "Hermione?" he said her name softly as he sat himself down.

Upon opening her eyes, she saw Severus's eyes level with hers as he rested his chin on the bed. She fought against her tears, refusing to cry in front of him, but she could feel her eyes already get all misty.

"Hermione, I'm—"

"Disappointed that I'm still alive," she finished for him, her voice broken. She couldn't stand looking into his deep black eyes, and closed her eyes again. It hurt to look at him—to look at the man that hated her, for she still loved him.

"What?" Severus asked in complete shock. Hermione's words hitting him not only in the stomach, but straight to his heart. "No Hermione, please—will you not look at me?" he asked when he saw her eyes close.

In reply, Hermione shook her head. "I can't look at someone that hates me so. Maybe if I was six feet under, I would open my eyes because that's where you wish me to be right?"

Severus moved cupping the back of her head gently, and resting his lips and nose on her cheek. "Hermione, I'm sorry."

Hermione tightened her hold on the edge of her sheets, willing herself not to reach out and touch him. His soft voice, against her cheek was trying to penetrate through her walls. As much as she wanted to just hug him for comfort, she kept herself in check. If she were to let him in, he would destroy what was left of her heart. One could only handle so much, and she wasn't so sure how much more she could handle.

"Okay, you're angry at me, I understand," Severus said softly as he pulled away. He wanted to do things right with her and not push at the wrong buttons. "I'll say it again, I'm sorry Hermione. And if it'll take a million times for me to say that before I am forgiven, then I'm sorry." When she didn't say anything after about a minute, he urged on. "What'll it take to prove myself to you?"

"Don't you mean prove yourself to someone else?" Hermione questioned back. He was wrong in so many ways. She wasn't angry at him, but at herself. And with regards to apologizing, it was her that had to say sorry to him. She ruined his life, and she didn't know how to say sorry for that.

"Hermione…" Severus said, unable to form a full sentence. He knew that she was talking about Giselle, and it wasn't something that he wanted to talk about. His thoughts were on Hermione and her alone. Nothing else mattered.

Hermione opened her eyes, disappointed to see Severus still in front of her. "Go to Giselle, she's the one for you," she said tersely. Before Severus was about to object, she raised her voice at him. "Go and fucking leave me alone! Don't you have anything better to do?" She grabbed one of the pillows beneath her head and threw it at him hard.

Severus saw the pillow coming at him, but remained still. His eyes flinched as it hit him straight in the face. He deserved that and much more.

"Leave me!" Hermione shouted through her tears. "Leave!"

Not saying anything else, Severus stood up from his chair, and walked away. at the door, he paused for a moment, hearing her heart wrenching cries. If he could, he wanted to run to her and pull her up into his arms, and ease all her pain away. But how could he? He was the one that caused it. With his head hung low, and hands in his pocket, he walked off thinking of what exactly he was going to do next.

Alone, Hermione cried her heart out, screaming into her pillow as she hugged it with one hand. With the other, she clutched her hand to her chest, imagining herself clawing at her heart as she fisted her hand tightly in her grasp. Suddenly, she remembered the pendant.

She looked down at her chest, lifting the hospital gown. It wasn't there. She then vaguely remembered her holding onto it before she blacked out. Thinking that it might be on the big nightstand on her bedside, she looked up. Again, it wasn't there, so she opened the drawer. No success. She thought hard and wondered where it went.

Maybe the punk robber got it after she blacked out. But didn't she see him run away? Hermione wasn't sure, thinking that she imagined things. But Alan said that they caught him, so where was it? Wouldn't the police have given back all the belongings to the owners soon after? Then again, he could've dumped it somewhere, or it could've fallen down carelessly. She didn't know where it was, or didn't want to question it anymore when her head came up with all the different scenarios.

Hermione no longer had the pendant she valued so much. No other piece of jewelry compared to that. No price tag could be put on it. It felt as if she had lost another part of Severus within her. Was it a sign for her to let go of him completely? How, when her heart couldn't forget?

---

Day had turned into night, and Hermione remained alone in her room for a few hours. In front of her was the hospital table where her dinner tray was served. She wasn't interested in it. Her interest was on the card that she placed on the table earlier.

---

_Hermione,_

_I have one thing to confess to you. If you'll never want to speak to me again, then I deserve it. The reason that I didn't defend you from the press is that because it was me. I was the one that told them about you and Ron having an affair. But it wasn't me who labeled you as a whore. I would never call a friend that. Still, I betrayed our friendship, even with Ron. I'm sorry._

_Hope that you get well soon._

_All the best,_

_Harry_

---

Hermione's anger for Harry only intensified, but she felt somewhat numb. There were too much anger and negative feelings within her, that she couldn't feel it rise or fall. On the other hand, maybe it was the drugs and painkillers that she was on. Other than that, she felt weaker than usual.

It was unbelievable, then again, maybe not. Not only did Harry leave her to stand alone, but also was the reason of why everything heightened up to such a degree. But she did deserve it, she thought to herself. They were correct. She was a whore. She slept with another, and destroyed something perfect. It was only downhill from there, and that's how it really went from then on—her alcoholism, her accident, and then this. There was no one else to blame but her and her alone. Hermione brought it on all to herself.

Hermione flicked the card, making it land onto the floor. She couldn't stand looking at it anymore, and just stared blankly at her food. Forgiving Harry wasn't a single bit on her mind. She just tried to ignore him, remembering how harsh and cruel he was long ago. How could friends destroy each other? She laid her head back onto the pillows, feeling the buildup of tears again in her eyes.

"Evening Hermione," Severus greeted when he walked in. In his hands he carried two clear cups of a green drink, and a big paper bag. "I brought some Japanese food and some iced green tea for dinner."

Hermione didn't say anything, and just stared up at the ceiling through her tears. Severus was here as much as she liked it, but it wasn't for the reasons that she wanted. One of them being that he didn't want to be here in the first place. It was all just because of guilt and Alan.

"I see you haven't eaten your dinner yet," Severus spoke, placing the items down on the table, and placing the tray elsewhere. "Not that I can blame you, hospital food does taste bland. I got something light for you. Your favorites," he said unpacking everything, including chopsticks. "Salmon sashimi and chicken teriyaki with some rice." When she didn't respond, Severus pressed one of the buttons at the side of her bed, making the top half rise, so she was sitting up straight.

"Not hungry," Hermione sniffled.

Severus frowned seeing her tears, and he looked around for a moment and wondered what was making her cry. He saw a card on the floor, picked it up, and read it. "You shouldn't think too much about Potter," he told her tossing the card aside. "Come now, you must eat." He held out a pair for chopsticks for her and waited for her to take it.

Hermione shook her head, pushing them away.

"Please Hermione," Severus said in a soft plea. "Let's just put our issues aside first, and deal with them later on. No more fighting okay?"

Reluctantly, Hermione took the chopsticks. The Japanese food in front of her did look very tempting. Her stomach growled slightly, not having anything solid in it for some time. After dipping the raw fish into the soy sauce, she tried to bring it to her mouth, before her hand started to shake. She lost grip on her chopsticks, making it fall on her lap along with the sashimi. She shook her head to herself, ashamed that she couldn't even feed herself.

"I got it," Severus said quickly, picking up the fallen objects, and wiping the soy with some tissue. He forgot requesting for some plastic utensils, remembering that Hermione had a problem with her right hand. With his chopsticks, he decided best to feed her himself.

Hermione frowned when Severus brought a new piece of sashimi towards her mouth. Was he seriously feeding her?

"Eat," Severus urged.

Hermione did as followed and opened her mouth. As she chewed on the fish, the wonderful taste of it wasn't what she was focused on. Instead, she looked at Severus who gave her one of his rare smiles. She couldn't recall him smiling at her ever since he was forced to work with her.

Behind the smile, Hermione knew there was no care, love or meaning. Severus was only doing it just because. It seemed like there was much sincerity behind it, but Hermione knew better. It only pained her more, knowing that once, his smiles were only for her.

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AN – Forgiveness is hard. **Review!**


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 18

Severus looked over at Hermione from his side of the car. They were on the way home from the hospital, as the company chauffer drove for them. Despite being in her sweatshirt and sunglasses outfit all over again, Severus could tell that Hermione wasn't her usual self. She was different ever since the night they had shared Japanese food, and he could only wonder why.

Hermione had barely spoken since then, and it worried Severus. The subject of Giselle, their fighting, or whatever else bothered her was never brought up. He was unsure about her silence, seeing also how distant she seemed. She was so off at times that he actually had to feed her, reminding her to open her mouth and chew. At times, he preferred that she actually do something, even if they had to fight. Throw a pillow at him again, slap him in the face, shout for the entire world to hear, whatever. He just wanted her to respond.

The sun started to set, making the sky turn into a beautiful orange color as it shined over the bay. The beauty of it though was unnoticed by Hermione. She hadn't said a single word during after departing from the hospital. As much as she hated staying in the hospital, a part of her didn't want to go home.

There were moments shared between her and Severus in the hospital, moments that she missed. He held her hand at times, and spoke to her in his gentle tone. He fed her with her favorite foods, trying to cheer her up. But Hermione wouldn't cheer up, becoming more saddened. Those moments, as much as she liked them, he was faking it all. He hated her, and was only taking care of her on Alan's orders.

Now, out from the hospital, those moments were gone. They were going back to her house, back to the way things were between them—working, bickering and fighting. She wasn't looking forward to it, and didn't have the strength in her heart anymore.

"We're home," Severus said softly. He helped her out of the car, pulling her to her feet, placing an arm around her waist.

"I can walk myself," Hermione said as she shrugged out of his hold. Better if she was the one pushing him away, instead of her being pushed away from him later on.

After watching Hermione walk through the front door, Severus walked towards the back of the car, popping the trunk open. He pulled out a backpack and a duffel bag that were filled with his and her belongings. Along with them, he also pulled out a huge teddy bear which was over half the size of his body. It was a get well gift that had come from the Weasley twins. Thankfully, there was no trickery built into it.

Once inside, Hermione made her way inside the living room, towards her bar. There was a different array of alcohol, but only one she was interested in. Slowly, she took the Jack Daniel's in her hand, and stared down at it. She was so tempted to drink it, remembering that she also had a few boxes of them in her pantry. But with the pain in the middle of her gut, she placed it back down. It was bearable; thanks to the medication she was taking. She remembered the physical pain that tore through her when she got shot. No, she didn't want that.

After unpacking and coming down the stairs, Severus found Hermione staring at a bottle of Jack Daniel's. He didn't say anything, and just stared at her himself until she placed it down on the bar. "I could marinate some ribs in a Jack Daniel's sauce of sorts," he told Hermione. It wouldn't cause any damage to her, with the alcohol cooking off, leaving only the flavor. "How does that sound?"

Hermione didn't answer. Instead, she walked towards the pantry, ignoring the boxes of Jack Daniel's and grabbed a bag of Ruffles, and a new container of salsa. She then went to the refrigerator, grabbing a hold of cold cola, and started to walk to the stairs.

"Hermione, what do you want for dinner?" Severus asked. "I can cook, or would you rather have something delivered."

Hermione stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and turned to face him. "Thanks but no thanks Severus. I'm not going to be a burden to you anymore. You don't have to cook dinner or do anything for me. I'll be fine with a bag of chips." With that, she continued up the stairs, never looking down at him.

Severus cursed to himself when he made his way towards the kitchen. He leaned on the kitchen island, thinking of what to do next. Dinner, he finally decided. Hopefully, the ribs would cheer her up. After all, she needed something decent to eat, and not just chips.

---

The chips forgotten ignored, after only have a few bites, Hermione was in the bathroom, seated on the cold floor, reclining against the side of the tub. Only wearing her knickers, and a shirt, her body shivered slightly. Was it because of the cold tiles, or the sight of blood that started to flow heavily from her right wrist?

Hermione had just slit her wrist with a blade that she got from her medicine cabinet. She wanted to do the same with her left, but gave up when her hand started to shake. How she wanted to make the process faster.

There Hermione sat, staring at the blade, blood, and two roses that she got from her nightstand, all on the floor. Her body, unmoving, aside from the occasional spasm of her hand. Not just blood came out from her, but tears as she wept silently. She wanted to die, she deserved it. She almost did. Most of all, this was what he wanted.

---

Severus walked into Hermione's room. With him he carried a tray with ribs, baked potato and two soda cans. There was a lot of food on the tray, hoping that she would eat. The past couple of days in the hospital, her appetite grew a bit each day. Now that they were back home, surely she would eat more.

Upon seeing the chips, on an empty bed, he frowned slightly, and saw that the bathroom door was slightly open. He set the tray and drinks down on the bed, and rolled up the bag of chips so that they wouldn't get stale. He waited for a moment, expecting to hear some sort of sound come from the bathroom, but there was none.

"Hermione?" he called as he walked towards the door. "Is everything alright?" He got no answer, and again, didn't hear a sound. "I'm coming in now," he warned.

As soon as he pushed the door open, his heart stopped for a moment, seeing the sight in front of him. He quickly got to his senses and ran inside, grabbing the towel before landing to his knees in front of Hermione.

"God dammit!" Severus cursed as he placed pressure on her wound with the towel. "What has gotten into you Hermione?" He jumped to his feet, and went to the medicine cabinet, and got the bandage roll when he saw it. Soon, he was back on his knees. He worked on her wound, healing it with his wand.

All the while, Hermione remained silent, still staring at the stuff on the floor.

Severus saw the blade on the floor after bandaging Hermione up. He picked it up and raised it in front of her as she looked into her eyes. "Do you have some sort of death wish woman?" he growled in anger. He turned and tossed the blade into the trash bin behind him.

"You do?" Hermione barely answered.

Severus faced her yet again and grabbed her by the chin, forcing her to look directly at him. "What did you say?" he asked, his face inches away from hers. Actually, he heard her, but wanted to hear her again. "Say it again!"

"You're the one that wished me dead," Hermione replied, tears falling down her cheeks, as her voice quivered. "I'm just finishing something that should've been done the other week."

Severus's heart clenched at Hermione's words feeling his guilt intensify. His anger rose as he clenched his jaws and raised his voice. "Is that what you think? Are you angry at me? Come on Hermione, hit me if you are. Fucking shout at me if you want!" He took her hand, placing her palm against his cheek. "Hit me dammit! Hit me!" he said, wanting her to slap him.

Hermione shook her head, hand feeling his cheek. Once, she was able to touch him in such a way, sharing him love and affection. He may have hated her, but her touch remained the same, loving him wholeheartedly. "I can't hit you."

"Then shout at me! Don't pent up all your anger for me," Severus growled again. He didn't want Hermione to wallow in something he was to blame for. When they fought before, things were never physical. Both their mouths and the words that came out of it was enough. "Say something! Do something! Hit me!" he shouted. He pulled her hand away with his and started to bring it back towards him with force.

Before she could hit him hard with the aid of his hand, Hermione slowed things down putting some force in her hand with whatever strength she had. "No!" she shouted back, her voice matching his. "I can't," she said in a softer tone, sobbing. "I can't… I love you."

Severus thought of all the words possible, readying himself for the onslaught. But what Hermione just said wasn't what he was ready for. His mouth gaped open just a bit, his eyes widening in surprise. No longer was he shouting as no words came out from his mouth anymore. He was too shocked. Not knowing how to react, he just pulled away, and slumped back against the toilet.

Hermione immediately felt rejected. Her hand slipped down to her lap as he pulled away. The emotions that she read in his eyes were pain and sadness, similar to her own. "I still love you Severus… believe it," she choked, hanging her head between her knees. "If you only knew. There's so much I want to tell and explain to you."

"Then tell me," Severus said looking at her. He couldn't believe what she just said after everything. She cheated on him with Weasley and for him, things ended for the both of them there. He didn't give her a chance to explain, and only gave it to her now. Obviously there was something else he didn't know, making her broken, feeling more hurt, even more so than him.

Hermione counted numbers in her head, trying to be calmer and get her thoughts straight. She dreamt of telling him the truth many times before, but not imagining it would be this way. Things had gotten more complicated, and feelings were hurt yet again. It was now or never. There was no better way than to start than the beginning.

"Ron… I never meant to slept with him," she started, still looking down at the floor. "You were out on a potion symposium in Dublin that time, and I just thought I'd have a good time out with my friends. He was the only one that came with since Harry had other plans with Ginny. We went to a pub, had a few too many drinks. You know me and alcohol before—I was too drunk to get home on my own.

"Honestly, I don't remember anything after leaving the pub. Next thing I knew, you were towering over me, with Ron lying naked next to me in your bed. I tried to go after you. I tried to explain things to you, but you wouldn't have it. You couldn't even look at me." Hermione shook her head, cursing under her breath before she continued. "He took advantage of the situation that night. If I knew what was happening, if I wasn't so bloody fucking drunk, I wouldn't have slept with him at all. My heart always belonged to you, and not him.

"When things blew up with the press and all, he left and I figured so would I. There was no reason for me to stay. Love of my life, gone. One best friend has slept with me when I didn't love him. Only the reality of my feelings made sense to him when everything exploded. The other, wasn't a shoulder to lean on when I needed one. Instead, he just made everything worse, making me feel humiliated.

"I left, needing to start a new life. But with it, I was still haunted by my past. I had so much emotional baggage. For years, I've been bitching to myself of the mistake I've done. I didn't do it intentionally, but it was still me. If I could point the blame on alcohol I would, but it's really all on me. And ironically, I became an alcoholic.

"Then the accident and everything. I don't have to explain anymore," Hermione said, concluding her story there. "If my feelings changed at all for you, it would be because my love for you only became stronger."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you press on further, knowing how stubborn I am?" Severus asked. "You know you could've called it rape with what he did to you?"

"You are who you are Severus, and there's nothing else I would change about you." Hermione raised her head up and finally made eye contact. "Even if I meant it or not, I still slept with him. You are a person that values trust more than anything else, and I broke that trust. I've thought about it once, pressing charges for rape, but I didn't. He was my friend. I'm stupid, and I'm just too nice. I couldn't do it."

There was an uncomfortable silence between them. Severus was too shocked to say anything again as the truth was told. He was right the other week, if he just let his anger aside, things would be different. Hermione on the other hand, even though she felt a load get off her chest, she still felt the same. Not loved by him, not meaning anything to him. What difference did it make if she told him the truth? He had moved on, forgetting about their love.

Hermione reached out for the roses and held them in her hand. "There was never anyone at all," she said looking at the black rose. "I'm the one sending dead roses to myself. Like the days when you would send me one. Except this time around, I'm reminding myself that what we had is dead and gone.

"This plastic rose," she started as she looked at it, "is a symbol of all the dreams that I had of us together. Marriage, kids, whatever else more. But all those dreams have become false since then. I'm just faking myself just like this rose." She looked at the roses one last time, letting go of something inside of her. "I should stop bullshitting myself. This is where it all ends." Tossing them in the trash bin made her feel like she threw her heart into it.

"You're still thinking about killing yourself aren't you?" Severus questioned. He could see past her tears and in her eyes. The brightness that he once saw years ago, that glimmer of happiness wasn't present in them. It was like he was seeing himself in her, before she loved him, long time ago.

"I deserve it after all, don't I?" Hermione questioned back. "Everything that's fucked up in my life is because of what I've done with yours. I never ever meant to hurt you in anyway, even with Giselle. She said that you still love me, and I think that she's wrong. You said so yourself, you don't. I can't blame you for hating me. Shit…" she snorted, "I hate myself.

"Hermione, you're not the only one at fault. I'm to blame. I was angry before, and angry the other week. It got the best of me, and I should've let you explain," Severus confessed.

"It doesn't matter," she sniffled back. "All's been said and done. You deserve all the happiness in this world Severus, and I've accepted it no matter what. I love you that much, and I've sacrificed my heart for it, and would do the same with my life. Even though I mean nothing to you, you mean so much to me."

"Is that what you think? That I think nothing of you?"

"Yes. There was a time that I used to mean the world to you." More tears started to flow from her eyes yet again. She hung her head low as he shoulders started to shake with her cries. "I only want what makes you happy. I didn't mean to ruin anything. I'm so sorry Severus… I'm sorry…"

Severus slid towards Hermione, and pulled her into his lap, making her bury her head in the crook of his neck. "Hush Hermione, it's alright," he said against her ear. He continued to hear 'I'm sorry' from her again and again. All he could do was whisper sweet nothings into her hear. He kissed her temple and realized just how much she meant to him.

Hermione was wrong, she still meant the world to him.

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AN – The truth finally comes out. I'm crying… **Review **please. It'll put a smile on my face. I caught a bug somewhere. Hopefully it'll go away soon.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 19

Morning arrived hours ago. The sun's rays slightly penetrated through the beige curtains in Hermione's room, creating a soft light that didn't disturb her slumber. She was peacefully sleeping in Severus's arms. Her head on his shoulder, and arm around his bare chest, and a leg curled up over his torso. Throughout the night, he held her close to him, even when he slept.

The night before, Hermione had cried heavily for almost two hours on the bathroom floor. Severus had held her tightly and continued to whisper sweet nothings into her ear. Eventually, later on, the sounds that he heard were the occasional hiccup. It was then he knew that she had fallen asleep, and carried her to bed.

Severus never felt so much guilt in his life. The week before, he noticed just what type of a heartless bastard he was. He wished that Hermione would drop dead, and it almost happened. It was very wrong of him, and he said it directly to her, which only made things worse. Other than that, more guilt came right like being trampled under a group of hippogriffs. He only just realized his mistake, not allowing her to tell her what really happened. He should've known better that Hermione wasn't the type to betray anyone, most especially cheat on him, or anyone. She was loyal and had given her heart to him fully a long time ago.

There were many times in the past in which they have fought during their relationship. And during those times, it was mostly, or rather, always him that started the arguments. His temper would get riled up so quickly, and sometimes, for reasons that were not her fault, she stood in front of his wrath. It was only later when he realized his errors, and would apologize soon after. But after eight years, was his apology too late?

Without a doubt, Severus was convinced that the stupid Weasley boy had raped Hermione. He had taken advantage of the situation in her drunken state, or drugged her drink since she admitted she couldn't remember much after the pub. He wanted to hunt the Weasley, and wring his neck, ripping off his bones limb for limb for what he had done.

If it was an innocent act, then he would've stood up by Hermione's side and defended the both of them when all hell broke loose with the press. Obviously he didn't. Instead, he ran off like a chicken and remained hidden elsewhere, afraid that one day, someone would see the truth in his acts, and that was rape. That day had come, and Ronald Weasley would soon pay for his actions.

Severus turned his head slightly, and looked at Hermione's face, mere inches away from his. His heart swelled, like it had so many times before, so long ago. With his emotions, devoid of his anger towards her, he was finally able to see the truth. Giselle was right, he still loved Hermione… he always had.

His arms tightened around her after running his fingers through her soft curly hair. He missed this—waking up with her in his arms. It was the most natural thing in the world, having her right next to him. He had missed it so much, that he was afraid that he would miss more. No, he couldn't let that happen. With his arms firmly wrapped around her, he also vowed to protect her from anything that would be of harm to her. Sadly though, he knew that he was also the cause of her pain. He'd have to try to be better for her, after all, she said she still loved him. Merlin only knew why he deserved her in his life, but there was no doubt in his mind that he wanted her in his life… forever.

---

Sighing softly, Hermione started to wake up. She snuggled up onto the warmth that felt wonderful against her, making her feel safe. She couldn't remember the last time she slept so peacefully. When she opened her eyes, she couldn't believe the position that she found herself in.

For the first time in over eight years, she only dreamed of being where she was—in her favorite place. And that was in Severus's arms. Hard to believe, and she thought that she was probably dreaming until she remembered the night before when she clung on to him tightly on the bathroom floor. Now, here she was her head resting atop his heart, and an arm firmly wrapped around his torso. Was she that afraid to let him go, even in her sleep? Perhaps, yes.

"Good morning," Severus greeted her, seeing her eyelids flutter open slowly, seeing her beautiful brown eyes.

Hermione didn't know what to say and frowned slightly. She was embarrassed to find herself in the position she was in, clinging on to him, and yet it seemed like it didn't bother him at all. It took a while for her to think that he was just being nice, and probably being driven by his own guilt. In her view though, he had nothing to be guilty about when his words were true. She had ruined his life, and because of that, she did deserve to die. Why in Merlin's name didn't she? She felt that she was in a more than awkward situation, and didn't want to deal with anything anymore. It was all too much.

There was a look that she saw in Severus's face, along with a glimmer in his eyes. No, she couldn't have been reading him right, the man did change anyhow ever the years, so yes, she had to be wrong. Yet, the look did make her heart beat faster and her stomach flutter. And plus his hands softly touching her. This, him being here, it was wrong. She had to push him away, but if things were to be like this between them, it was going to be difficult.

With a slight tilt of his head, Severus placed his mouth on her brow, giving her a soft and lovingly kiss. After, he kept his mouth against her skin, and inhaled the scent of her brown curls. It is what he always did many times before, another one of the things he missed when with her years ago.

Hermione closed her eyes, cursing to herself inwardly. She had to, just had to push and distance herself from him, or at least try. Better, she had to more than try. She couldn't deny it from herself, feeling wonderful in his arms, her favorite place in the whole world. But the feeling was different unlike before. She felt as if she was in a place she no longer belonged. The thought of getting hurt again, or worse, hurting him frightened her.

"Are you alright? Hungry?" Severus asked, rubbing circles on the small of her back. "I can reheat and potatoes and ribs last night, and we can have them for brunch." When Hermione didn't answer, thinking that she wasn't interested, he suggested another alternative. "Or we can eat out if you want. Take a small stroll out into the city."

Yes, was the simple answer which Hermione wanted to give, but she knew better. He was only being nice because he had to, not because he wanted to. She wasn't stupid and knew that he felt guilty—guilt that was hers. No. He had to be elsewhere with someone else, not her. He had to get on with his life, as did she, without him. Not being able to answer, she slowly disentangled herself from his arms, turned away from him, and sat up at the edge of the bed. "We have to get to work right away."

"Hermione?" Severus questioned in confusion. He sat himself up and placed a hand on her shoulder, moving directly behind her. "Healer said you had to take some more time off before you can work, at least a week at best. There's no need to rush, you still need your rest."

Hermione shook her head in disagreement. She could do without the rest. Screw the healers orders. "And you need to get back with Giselle," she stated firmly.

"What?" Severus asked in shock. Were his ears hearing properly after last night? Didn't she say that she still loved him? "I'm with you. This is where I need to be."

"Please Severus," she said in a plea. Pushing him away was hard enough as it was, and he was making it more difficult. She was sensitive and prone after everything. There was no strength left in her to build walls around herself and fight. "Fine… since we have a few days off, just leave now and try to fix things up with her. I'll be here when you return." Unless of course she decided to try and kill herself again.

Sighing, Severus shook his head. "You said you loved me last night, and here I am."

"But this isn't where you need to be."

"It is!" Severus replied, keeping his anger at bay. "Giselle was right. I still have feelings for you. I love—"

"Don't finish that sentence, or you might regret it later," Hermione hanging her head low. She knew exactly what he was going to say. Though she wanted to hear, she couldn't let him.

Severus couldn't hear a single tone of anger in her voice. She wasn't angry at him, but at herself. There was no need to explain further after last night. Clearly it was evident. "Will you not face me?"

Hermione replied brokenly. "I can't. I can't face a man whose life I have ruined."

"If there are any words I regret saying, it's what I told you a week ago. If I could take it back, I would. Those were just angry words."

"But they were words of truth. The truth hurts, and I've learned to accept it long ago. It would've been better off if I died… Maybe I should've died long ago… werewolf accident, or even as early as the war. Things would've been better for you without me in the way." She couldn't stop the tears that flowed heavily from her eyes.

"No Hermione, you made me better. You taught me how to love. I am a different man because of you. If you died… I don't think I could live with that." Severus placed his brow on her shoulder, and tentatively wrapped his arms around her, pulling herself against him, thanking that she didn't stiffen or push away. "If you want to hear words of truth…" he whispered and placed his lips close to her ear, "I love you."

Hermione shut her eyes tight, and started to sob. She couldn't believe the words that she just heard. Again, there was no verbal response as she sobbed her eyes out. She didn't feel herself being pulled onto Severus's lap, not knowing that she herself wrapped her arms around his neck.

After she had calmed, Severus pulled back and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. "I love you," he said again, meaning it with all of his heart. He expected her to respond to his words, with similar words I return, or exact words, but they didn't come. He lowered his lips to hers, feeling her soft ones against his thin ones. Lightly, he grazed on them as he kissed her. Like his words, she didn't respond, and kept her lips still. It was then he knew why. "I'm sorry Hermione," he said pressing his brow on hers as he cupped her cheeks. "I'll do whatever you want me to do to prove myself to you if you think me worthy. Don't doubt, I do love you, more than anything and anyone."

Hermione didn't say anything, but buried her face in the crook of his neck, and continued to sob.

"We'll take things slow. We're going to be alright Hermione, I promise," he murmured.

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AN – Still along with me on this one? **Review!**


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 20

Hermione tossed the bare rib bone on her plate, making it land next to the other bones. At the coffee table in the living room is where Severus and she just had her brunch of the ribs and potatoes. She only had a few, but was satisfied enough, not having much of an appetite.

"Done?" Severus asked handing Hermione another moist towelette to wipe the sticky sauce off of her fingers.

Hermione just gave a single nod in reply, and reached for her cold glass of fresh lemonade soda. As she took a few sips from it, she wondered yet again about her Jack Daniel's, wishing she could drink it. She needed her alcohol and needed it now. The way that Severus was acting around, it was as if they were back together—a couple. Even the look in his eyes, the softness, was the same look that she had seen during the days when he was in love with her. It couldn't be true; he couldn't be in love with her. It was all an act.

Things weren't going to be alright, she knew. As much as she wanted to be happy that he said he loved her, and having him back in her life, it wasn't the same. The path that they were on was going to have a bad ending. Before reaching that end however, she needed to take a detour, and hopefully push Severus back on his path without her. The only thing worse than sadness and loneliness was false happiness.

How could Severus be in love with her when she destroyed him? How could she love him when she didn't love herself? She was ugly and broken both inside and out. Giselle was definitely better and more attractive than her. He was wasting his time on being with her than making up with the other witch. Why fake it and feel guilty over her faults? Didn't he see that his life could be better without her?

Hermione placed her hands on the edge of the couch behind her, and with more effort than she expected, she pushed herself onto the couch and lay on it sideways, her eyes focused on the TV. She was weak, and just that simple effort took a lot out of her. Like the healers said, it was going to take awhile for her to get strong. And by the looks of it, it might take longer than she expected. Working, physical therapies and whatever else more… Hopefully her stomach stitches would heal faster because she really needed her alcohol.

After cleaning his own hands, Severus looked at Hermione, with his chin on the edge of the couch. With his face inches away from hers, he brushed away the curls that covered her face, seeing just how beautiful she was. The scar didn't bother him. She was as beautiful as he remembered, if not, even more.

The feeling of his fingers on her scarred cheek, no matter how great it was, made Hermione also feel uncomfortable. Flinching at his touch, she pulled back, trying her best to hide half her face onto the pillow.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked softly. "You haven't said much this morning." He wasn't used to Hermione having silent treatments, not knowing her like this. Before she would speak her mind, or even shout to the world if she wanted to. The silence was bothersome because it made him worry. He stood up slightly until he lowered himself to lay right in front of her, keeping her between him and the back of the couch.

Hermione took a deep breath for a moment and closed her eyes. He was holding her close yet again, and she could smell his scent that was just so… Severus—musky with a hint of rain. He was torturing her, did he know? Weak is what she was, not being able to defend herself from him. She was trying to build a wall around her heart, brick by brick, but he successfully pushed them away as if they were nothing.

With an arm on the side of her hip, Severus spoke. "It hurts me to see you like this," he started. "I'd honestly prefer it if you were all mad at me, and wouldn't mind getting hit or having things thrown at me." Touching her scarred cheek, he continued when she didn't pull back. "You're like this because of me. If I just listened, things would be different. I wouldn't have allowed you to get into a werewolf accident, much less allow you to walk out in the middle of the night if I wasn't so angry. I wish I could take this—your pains away."

"You think I'm ugly?" Hermione whimpered.

"Of course not!" Severus said in a frown. "You are by far the most beautiful woman in my eyes."

"They make me feel ugly."

"I can see the pain that they caused because of me. I should have been there for you since day one. Keep an eye on you, take care of you, protect you and not harm you."

Hermione snuggled closer to him, burying her face in the side of his neck. "It's not your fault," she said against his skin, loving the feel of him holding her. "I'm sorry."

"You've said sorry more than enough, and you have nothing to apologize for," he said back. "It's me that's sorry. Forgive me."

Hermione kissed Severus's cheek, and kept her lips there. "I missed this," she said, changing the subject.

"Stop blaming yourself Hermione, please" Severus said, knowing that she intentionally changed the subject. He kept silent for a while. "I love you," he admitted to her yet again. He didn't count how many times he told her he loved her the entire morning. There were a few times during brunch that he said those words to her. He was sure though that he had said them more this morning than he had ever did in a few months time years ago. Without another word, he wrapped his arms around her, and just held her as she did him.

---

Sleep had almost taken Hermione when she heard a familiar male voice speak.

"Alan," Lucius said as the both of them made it just behind the couch, staring over the couple holding each other. He couldn't help but smile. "I think we may be disturbing something."

"I agree," Alan said with a similar expression as the other wizard had. They planned to check up on Hermione, and this was a complete, but pleasant surprise, seeing her close to Severus in such a manner.

Severus kept his eyes shut, as he continued to lay still. He was wide awake of course, wanting to curse the other two into oblivion. He and Hermione were alone, having a moment with each other. Slowly, they were reconnecting, and hopefully soon enough, things would be forgotten and be at thing of the past. However, the moment had been ruined. Finally, he decided sit up, doing so with an annoyed grunt. "You were disturbing nothing," he lied. "Perhaps Hermione's well needed rest though."

Immediately missing being in Severus's arms, Hermione opened her eyes, and just focused them yet again on whatever was showing on the TV. She was in no mood to see anyone, having had enough hospital guests and blasted healers come in her room and disturb her peace when she was in the hospital.

"We just came to check on the ex-patient. Glad to see that she already has eaten," Alan said as he walked around the couch to look at Hermione. His eyes were quick, spotting the bandaged wrist. They slightly narrowed as he looked at it and then directly at Severus and then Hermione. "You tried to kill yourself again didn't you?" he asked clenching his jaw.

Keeping to herself, Hermione kept quiet and just hid her bandaged wrist beneath the pillow under her head. She remembered how Alan got mad at her before during her first attempt at slashing her wrist, later calming somewhat on the subject. Still, it was quite scary to see him very angry. She never forgot what kind of powerful wizard he was.

"You're supposed to be watching and taking care of her," Alan reminded Severus. "Where were you when this happened?"

"I was cooking dinner while she was upstairs," Severus replied. He couldn't believe his ears. Was Alan blaming him?

"I warned you this could happen."

Severus stood up on his feet, standing right in front of his employer, not at all intimidated by him. The both of them were almost chest to chest. "Oh, and you think I wanted it to happen?"

"You weren't there when it did happen."

"Like you weren't there last time it happened."

Lucius quickly stepped in between the both of them as the continued to argue, blaming each other. Even swear words were exchanged soon enough. If he didn't step in soon enough, things would have evidently gotten physical. He was pushing both wizards as best as he could apart from each other as they did threaten to punch each other. "The both of you are acting quite immature," he growled aloud addressing them both.

Hermione was too shocked, trying to register what was happening right in front of her. Her mouth gaped open as she slowly sat up, speechless. They were really fighting, trying to get at each other, and it was all because of her. Finally, when she had enough, and her shock absorbed, she shouted at the top of her lungs. "Stop it! Just stop it!" When all eyes were focused on her, she looked at Alan. "If there's anyone to blame, it's me, not him," she said not noticing that there were tears coming from her eyes. Before anyone could say another word, she turned on her feet and ran towards the stairs and up to her bed room.

Severus let out a groan, forgetting about Alan and quickly followed Hermione up the stairs.

"I wasn't angry at Hermione," Alan clarified.

"Nor should you have been angry at Severus," Lucius added.

"I just… I care about her," Alan said.

"We all do," Lucius said. He walked towards the bar, putting down his cane at the edge. He made them drinks while they waited for Severus to return. Hopefully things were better later on.

---

On her bed, Hermione continued to cry her tears, clutching onto her pillow. Severus was being blamed by Alan, and it was all because of her. Again, bad things were happening to him when she really had no bad intentions towards him. There was nothing more than to believe the truth. She had to be out of his life.

"Hermione," Severus said softly. He laid himself down on his side right in front of her, and tried to pull the pillow away from her. "Let go of the pillow, I'm here."

Refusing to let go, Hermione only held onto the pillow tighter, muffling her cries into it. "It's my fault, and he's blaming you."

"It's nothing Hermione, I can handle myself," he said brushing her curls away.

"Because of me… because I'm stupid, I've ruined your life yet again," she said.

Severus, shocked at her words, gave the pillow a firmer tug. Right after, Hermione was clutching onto him like she had with the pillow earlier. He pulled her into his arms, and planted soft kisses on her cheeks, kissing away her salty tears. "No. You are certainly not stupid and you didn't ruin my life. He was just angry Hermione. He didn't want anything bad to happen to you anymore, and he's right, I should've kept a closer eye on you."

"Not your fault," Hermione repeated a few times, like a mantra. After a few short minutes, her cries subsided.

"I should get back downstairs," Severus said as he pulled away slightly. "Promise me you won't hurt yourself while I'm gone."

Hermione nodded with a small sniffle. Before she knew it, she felt Severus's lips on hers, and slightly moved her against his, just barely.

Severus was more than pleased that she responded to the kiss. He gave her a smile and a reassuring squeeze on her hands that he would return, and then went downstairs.

Once alone, Hermione made a promise to herself. She was going to take Alice's offer, and get away from Severus. But she was going to do it as soon as the project was done. She put too much into it that she wasn't going to just walk away from it. She only hoped that it would finish sooner rather than later. More time with Severus meant that it was going to be harder to part from him.

---

The three wizards were in the dining room, with a drink in their hands. After Alan and Severus quickly apologized to each other, knowing that they just cared for the wellbeing of Hermione, the subject matter changed to something more important. That of Ronald Weasley.

"So you think that this Weasley raped her?" Alan asked after Severus asked Lucius for help and knowing the story soon after, being filled in with the necessary information.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Lucius replied. "He does have a way of seeing how the world works, or how it should. It never is always right. Why didn't I see it that way?" He, like Severus was a death eater. Thinking of the worst scenarios was always automatic. How stupid of he not to think of rape in Hermione's case.

Alan's hold tightened on the cold soda glass. "I will help you hunt for Weasley," he told Lucius lowly.

"I'll kill that bastard!" Severus hissed.

"The truth will be forced out of him, even by death," Lucius said lowly.

It was clear amongst the three of them. Ronald Weasley was a dead man.

-----

AN – My mind is filled with ways to bash Ron. What are your ideas? **Review!**


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 21

Two weeks passed, and after some gentle coaxing and urging, Severus managed to let Hermione out of the house. No, she was still in no condition to work. In the mornings, she would always argue that she was able to work, and she felt alright. He didn't agree with her, nor did Alan. Instead of having work on his mind, he wanted to take Hermione out, who just stubbornly disagreed with him. Obviously it led to them just staying home. The arguments were always short as neither one didn't want to fight again.

Hermione had to relax, and distress. Severus thought that going out once in awhile, having a meal or even a walk on the beach would be what she needed. Actually, anything to get her out of the house and that wasn't work related was what he wanted for her, and watching a baseball game of the Giants was what she surprisingly said okay to.

Over the years since she resided in San Francisco, Hermione quickly became a fan of the Giants. She wasn't a hardcore fan—memorizing stats and player names. It was not her. She simply routed for the team as any local would do, and honestly, baseball was an interesting sport. There were a number of games that she had watched, and she always had the best seats in the park which was just above the dugout and behind home plate. Knowing Alan always had its benefits, and to Hermione this was one of them—being a VIP at the AT&T Park.

Both of them wore black outfits with the Giants logo or name printed on them. Severus wore a baseball jacket, while Hermione had her usual hoodie on with a pair of sunglasses.

Hermione kept herself close to Severus with a firm hold on either his hand or arm. It awhile since she went out. Last time she did, she got shot. The place was crowded, making her not feel at ease. As they walked together towards the gates, she heard the popping of something, thinking that it was a gunshot going off. She stopped in her tracks, quickly turned towards the sound, not knowing that she had clung herself closer to Severus.

Severus too turned to the source of the sound, seeing a bunch of balloons and children playing with them. He wrapped an arm around Hermione, knowing that the popping sound frightened her. "It was only a balloon," he told her. "Nothing bad is going to happen to you, I promise."

Hermione only nodded, placing her head on his chest. She sighed in relief feeling safe in his arms.

"We don't have to watch the game if you don't want to," Severus murmured softly on her head.

"I want to," Hermione said as she looked up at him. A balloon popping wasn't going to make her go home. She was with Severus, and she had nothing to fear.

"Come on then," he said, smiling as they started to walk again. He kept his arm around her shoulders as she held him by the waste. His eyes quickly scanned the area, making sure there wasn't anything suspicious. It was too crowded, even for his own comfort, but he was here because she wanted to be here.

At the snack stand, there was a long line of customers eagerly and impatiently waiting to be in the front to get their orders in. The scents of buttered popcorn, hotdogs, burgers and peanuts where in the air, all of which were perfect food for the perfect game.

"What do you want?" Severus asked Hermione as they closely approached the front of the line.

"A Coke, popcorn, and a hotdog on the bun," she answered. She had her arms around his one arm, as half of her face was hidden behind his shoulder. Deep in thought, she bit her lip as she pondered on what had happened in the last two weeks.

Evidently, it was clear. Once again, they were an item, and were back together. Every day, he had expressed his love to her, took care of her, and comforted her when needed. For Hermione on the other hand, things were different. She never said those three words to him since that night in the bathroom. As much as she wanted to, she reminded herself that it was all going to end eventually. She had to keep things at a certain distance between them. Yes, she was happy with the way things were, but what was the use when it was all going to ruins soon?

Her feelings however only grew for him. There was absolutely no doubt in her heart—she loved him. And with him being very attentive and caring only made things harder. He was trying very hard to win her back, that she knew, but it was wrong. It was Giselle that he had to win back, and not her. It was wrong to mislead him and his feelings, but she had to wait until the project finished. Having another explosive fight was something she couldn't bear. In addition, it was her feelings too that were on the line. For now, all she could do was enjoy the ride that she was on.

---

It was Severus's first time to actually watch a baseball game live at the edge of the field. He did watch a few games on TV, and was no stranger to it, but quidittch and football where the only games that he had watched live in the past. However, he couldn't give a damn about the game now, and merely kept his attention at Hermione.

She never smiled at him when they started to work together. Now, together for two weeks, he still never saw a smile. It bothered him as he questioned himself again for the nth time. He expected her to be happy, but it didn't seem that way. What was he doing wrong or what was he not doing?

They kissed, they slept together—but had not yet made love, he was waiting for her to make the first more for that. They spent almost all their time together, like any couple would do. He said that he loved her many times during the days and nights, and oddly, she never reciprocated his words verbally. She just kissed or hugged him, keeping silent to herself in return. He knew she loved him, she admitted it. But why not say it anymore when the truth had been revealed of their feelings towards each other?

Healing took time, which Severus knew. But there was clearly something else going on with Hermione. He knew her well enough to know that something was bothering her. He watched her and saw that her eyes were still vacant as she clapped her hands, while everyone else behind them cheered and whistled as the Giants scored a run. It seemed as if she was clapping just because, not because she was happy.

Was she that broken that she didn't feel anymore? Of course, he still blamed himself, and wanted nothing more for her to become her old self, if not at least make her happy. But now, the question was, was he the right man for her since it was him that broke her?

"We scored!" Hermione said aloud, turning to face Severus.

"We did," Severus said. Her voice sounded neutral and empty he noted. He took her hand in his and brought it up towards his lips, kissing her middle knuckle softly.

"Seems like you aren't enjoying the game," she said with a frown.

"I am if you are," he said back.

Hermione moved, leaning of Severus's shoulder, and gave him a quick peck on his cheek. She then looked ahead on the field as she continued to watch the game and eat her popcorn. She truly was enjoying the game, most especially her time with Severus.

---

Baker Beach had its fair share of people scattered around. After all, the sun was going to set soon, and seeing it along with the Golden Gate Bridge was a sight worth waiting for.

Severus, who decided to keep his Birkenstocks on, walked next to Hermione, holding her pair in one of his hands. He kept his other hand on the small of Hermione's back, as he surveyed their surroundings and the people around them.

"That game sucked, didn't it?" Hermione sulked, kicking a bit of the sand ahead of her. "First we were in the lead, and then they get two runs in with a home run. Damn Red Sox! That was pure damn luck and not talent I tell you."

"We'll get them next time," Severus said. Hermione's reaction to the loss of the game wasn't unknown to him, all her sulking and complaining. She was acting the same way she did when the Gryffindors would lose a quidditch game.

Hermione sighed, stopping in her tracks. Feeling somewhat tired, she sat herself down on the sand, leaning back on her arms with her legs stretched out in front of her.

Quickly spotting a vendor stand not far away, Severus placed Hermione's Birkenstocks right next to her, and then said, "I'll get us some water." With that, he quickly did a short jog towards the stand, planning to come back to her very soon.

The bottled water was ordered right away as soon as he got there. His eyes then caught sight of about a dozen red roses in a pot of sorts. Severus had to correct himself; he hadn't done everything he thought to make her happy. Roses! How stupid could he be to forget? Without thinking any further, he also purchased a single rose. When he was done, he placed it inside his jacket pocket to surprise her later on. Hopefully it would put a smile on her face.

After taking a few sips of her water, Hermione sighed and looked at the other people on the beach seeing many couples, and then she looked at Severus, who was seated right next to her. She took off her sunglasses and cap, and ran a hand through her hair as she looked at the vast ocean ahead of her. "I come here when I feel like it," she started. "And during all those times, I watched the sunsets alone. I would only feel… a many things. You were never with me. I wondered where you were, and wished that you were at least happy." Her eyes filled, and she sniffled. Now he was here with her, but she knew that he wasn't happy.

Severus didn't say anything. Instead, he pulled her towards him, and onto his lap. He felt the light weight of her head when she placed it on his shoulder, when she wrapped his arms around his neck. His arms on the other hand went around her waist, keeping her firmly on his lap. "And I am here now with you, and happy," he murmured into her ear.

Hermione closed her eyes, feeling herself get weaker, desperately wanting to believe him.

"I have something for you," Severus said, pulling away slightly. He took hold of one of her hands, and brought it beneath his jacket.

A frown went across Hermione's face when she felt something. She couldn't figure out what it was, and just pulled it out. To her surprise, it was a single red rose. She was speechless as she stared at it. Right away, she remembered the farm, missing it, and most importantly, the days, years ago when he truly loved her and gave her roses all the time. An unknown smile graced on her lips when her teary eyes looked at Severus. "Thank you."

"You're smiling. You're happy," Severus said softly in awe as he brushed Hermione's hair away from her face. His heart swelled at the sight before him. She was actually smiling, and it was because of him. Maybe he was the one that could make her truly happy after all.

"Of course I am," Hermione said. She brought the rose up to her nose and sniffed its sweet scent. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"It's the first time that you've smiled in the longest time," he replied, cupping her cheek. "You never smiled when we started working, much less these past two weeks. I was worried. Maybe I should give you a rose all the time so that I can see that wonderful smile that I missed so much."

Hermione's smile faded from her face. No smiling? How could she have not noticed? She sighed sadly and hugged him tightly. She dreaded the day that they would have to part—the day that she would walk away from him for his own good. This moment now, was a special moment that she would forever remember, embedding not just in her mind, but her heart as well. If she could freeze time and stay in this moment forever, she would. But for now, it was just this moment.

"Severus…" she slightly croaked next to his ear. "You know that I love you, don't you?" Finally she had said the three words again. Saying them as often as she wanted to would only make him believe all the more into something that wasn't real and would end terribly.

The situation had taken an odd turn Severus could tell. The way she hugged him, it was fairly tight, and the way her voice sounded. It was as if it was the last time he was going to hear those words. So he hugged her just as tightly as she did, not willing for her to slip away from him. "Of course I do," he replied. "What's wrong Hermione?" he then asked with worry.

In reply, Hermione shook her head. She wasn't going to tell him. If she did, she knew that things would take an ugly turn. Fighting was not an option. Whatever time she had with Severus until the end of the project, it was going to be time spent, hopefully with more moments such as these—romantic.

Severus kissed her cheek, and trailed his lips onto her temple. "You can talk to me, you know that."

Hermione nodded.

"Tell me what's on your mind."

She shook her head.

Severus pulled away, and cupped her face in both his hands. "Hermione," he urged her softly. Now he was more than worried, and he reminded himself it wasn't best to push her. She was too emotional and he didn't want to push her on it, fearing that something bad would happen if he did. It was on her time and space he kept on telling himself.

Again, Hermione shook her head. She quickly saw the starting to set and placed a finger on Severus's lips. "Hush Sev… the sun's setting." She sat up straight and looked at the golden sky. "Beautiful isn't it?"

Severus wasn't looking at the sunset. Instead, he kept his eyes on Hermione, seeing her smile slightly. To him, she out shun the sun. She by itself was the definition of beautiful.

-----

AN – The Ron-bashing will come soon, maybe in the next chapter or so. Some of you know me and I've made it a sport with all my other multi-chap fics. Bash, bash, bash! I really hate him! LOL! Be the power in the bashing by **reviewing.**


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 22

Searching for Ronald Weasley didn't take long. He was in Amsterdam, specifically the Red-Light District to be exact. For a couple days and nights, Lucius and Alan followed him, hiding beneath the shadows or staying invisible. They studied his pattern, planning out the perfect opportunity to strike.

The time to get back at him was just an hour away. Lucius was on his way to Hermione's house, in a limousine. With him where his wife and Giselle. Everything was taken into plan, most especially Hermione who was to spend a day with the two ladies, perhaps do a little shopping. She was not to know about the anything until the Weasley revenge was done. Lucius was on his way to pick up Severus. The both of them were all going to meet Alan and Draco at a certain place, and continue from there.

"What time is Lucius arriving?" Hermione asked as she watched him from the living room couch zip up his black leather jacket.

"He'll be here at any moment," Severus replied, feeling for his wand in his back pocket.

"Do you really have to go?" Hermione asked sadly. She had gotten so used with Severus being around, that she wasn't looking forward to being without him even if it was for a few hours like he said.

"Lucius needs me with something, I told you," Severus explained to her again.

"Fine," Hermione sighed. There was no need for him to explain further. She knew Lucius and he wouldn't ask for Severus's help unless he really needed it whatever it was. There was still some sort of brotherly bond between the two even after the days of Voldemort. She never questioned anything between the both of them.

Severus sat down beside Hermione, and pulled her into his arms, setting his chin down atop her head. "I'll be back before you know it," he told her. "I'm sure that you, Naricssa and Giselle will—"

Upon hearing her name, Hermione pulled away from Severus giving him a very surprised look accompanied by a frown. "What do you mean Giselle?" This certainly was news to her.

Severus ground his teeth for a moment before answering. He purposely waited until the last minute about that certain news of information so that it would have been unavoidable for Hermione. "She and Narcissa are friends, and she has decided to accompany her on this trip to San Francisco."

Not at all pleased with the news, Hermione looked straight ahead at the TV, and crossed her arms. "And you knew since yesterday when you told me about Lucius didn't you?" she questioned.

"Yes," Severus replied, clearly seeing her disappointment.

"And you only tell me now?"

"Because I knew you'd act this way." There was an uneasy silence between them before he spoke again. "She's a nice woman Hermione, no need to get angry over nothing."

Hermione shook her head. How did he expect her to act? And of course she knew that Giselle was nice. She was going to come and see her. No doubt, this meeting this second time around would be more awkward than the first time. The only thing worse than seeing someone's ex was seeing the one that was the reason for their breakup, and Hermione was exactly that reason.

Maybe Giselle was coming back to re-stake her claim. Hermione wasn't going to argue with her on that. He wasn't hers, and probably was never hers to begin with. He had moved on with someone that was near perfect, while she on the other hand wasn't. He had back tracked his life for nothing. Hermione had to set her jealousy aside along with her feelings. Severus had to come first she reminded herself. His happiness and what was best for him was all that mattered.

Before Hermione knew what was happening, she found herself looking at Severus.

"Hermione," Severus started, as he gently pulled her chin, making her look his way. He lowered his lips on her brow, kissing her frown away. He knew that she was most proably feeling jealous and uncomfortable about the situation that was about to come. He had to remind her that he was with her and no one else. "And I am yours, remember that," he murmured against her skin, inhaling the sweet scent of her curls. "It's just you and me Hermione… you and me."

---

Severus, Lucius, Narcissa and Giselle all stood outside the closed front door of Hermione's home.

"How is she?" Lucius asked.

"There have been better days," Severus replied as he placed on his black leather gloves.

"So she doesn't suspect a thing?" Lucius questioned.

"God, I hope not," Severus answered. "Though I must say that she is quite emotional and moody today."

"Must have something to do with me," Giselle spoke up. She heard of Hermione's troubles that past few weeks and wanted her to know that she had another friend, and shoulder to lean on. And if there were any doubts about any feelings between her and Severus, she wanted to reassure Hermione that there was nothing else romantic.

Severus glanced at Giselle. He was sorry that things had ended between them, and the guilt and anger that he had over their break up was long gone. Giselle was right, he loved Hermione. If things were different, he would have felt somewhat unfaithful to her. However, things had ended well between them, with a firm understanding that his heart wasn't in the right place. "Perhaps," he said.

"I'll talk to her," Giselle smiled with a nod.

Severus nodded in return, thanking her. There was no feeling of awkwardness between them. At that point he knew that he and Giselle were on speaking terms. Their relationship only going as far as friends.

"Maybe when all this is over, she'd be interested to accompany us on a little trip. I'm looking into a new supplier for rose essential oil for my perfumes," Giselle informed him. "There's this great rose farm a drive away from here, quiet and all, with some small town charm. Never been there, but I've heard it's the perfect place. Lucius and Draco are tagging along, and maybe Alan as well."

"More blasted flowers!" Lucius muttered under his breath and rolled his eyes.

Flowers were always the topic of conversation or argument between him and his wife. Obviously, he always gave into her soon after. The woman always managed to get her way. A lot of time was spent gardening in their gardens. He would never see the end of it.

"I don't see why not," Severus said. "She likes roses." A trip was what Hermione needed—a little vacation to de-stress away from it all and away from the city. And with the roses, the place already sounded perfect.

"We have to go," Lucius told Severus as he glanced at his watch.

"She tires easily, so make sure she gets enough rest," Severus told the two witches.

"We'll keep an eye on her," Narcissa said.

"She'll be fine," Giselle added.

Both wizards swiftly moved towards the limousine and went inside. Severus already had said his goodbyes earlier to Hermione. Soon, his anger started to reach the boiling point of no return. In a very short while, Ronald Weasley was going to meet his destroyer, and regret the day he lived.

---

Hermione slowly stood up from the couch upon seeing Narcissa and Giselle entering. If she didn't feel so uncomfortable seeing Giselle, she would've commented about Narcissa's muggle attire—designer jeans, and a light colored blouse. Never had she seen her in such clothes. It was always witch robes, or some fabulous dress or gown.

"Hi Hermione," Narcissa started, "Lucius and Severus thought it best that we keep you keep you company while they're away."

"You mean keep an eye on me, and make sure that I don't do anything stupid," Hermione snapped slightly. "Is everyone afraid that I'm going to hurt myself again? Or if I walk outside the bloody door of my own home, I'll get shot?!" When she saw sad expressions on their faces she sighed. "I apologize. My temper's getting at me. Everything has been happening like a domino effect. Just my blasted luck," she said in a sarcastic tone, slumping back down into the couch, placing her arm over her eyes.

"I'll fix us up something to drink," Narcissa said as she started to head off to the kitchen.

Hermione cursed at herself, wishing that she could have something alcoholic. God's how she needed it, most especially now that Severus wasn't around, and the other woman was here. No, she was the other woman, not Giselle. When she opened her eyes, to her sad surprise, she found Giselle sitting right next to her. "I'm sorry," was all she could say.

"Whatever for?" Giselle asked in confusion, her brow furrowing.

Hermione lowered her head, and looked at her hands on her lap as she fidgeted. She couldn't look at her. She was too ashamed to. "For ruining your life with Severus," she answered lowly, her voice cracking slightly. "I never meant to. He's yours. You can have him back. Not going to argue with you there."

"Hermione," Giselle said as she scooted closer to her, placing a hand on her shoulder for a short while. "You didn't ruin anything. He was never mine to begin with."

"What?" Hermione asked frowning back at Giselle. Why wasn't she mad? "You're supposed to get married to him. He proposed to you."

"Severus only proposed because he only thought it right since we've been together for awhile" Giselle started to explain. "But we never set a date, and I never pushed him to do so. I could tell something was a little off. I knew from the stories that Draco had told me about the both of you. You were his first love, and I started to question his feelings of you, if they existed. Then at Lucius's party, that's when I saw it. Not only were you his first, but his only. It would've been unfair to all of us if we stayed together, when he belongs to you."

Hermione shook her head, her eyes all misty. "Why aren't you being all bitchy and mad to me?" she asked bluntly.

"Should I be when I know that something is right rather than wrong?" Giselle questioned back. "And trust me, my other relationship before Severus didn't go all that well. He was a cheater, and I literally caught him in the act, if you know what I mean. So I'm not mad."

Hermione was still in disbelief. She was speechless for a few seconds, until she spoke again. "You are too good—better than me… better for Severus." She remembered the promise she had made to herself, and shook her head again. Tears flowed from her eyes as her shoulders started to shake. "No!" she sobbed. Her plans were not going to get ruined. Severus was going to be happy with Giselle and that was that.

"Hermione—" Giselle was interrupted by her sudden push, as she slid down far away from her on the couch.

"No! I won't let this happen!" Hermione cried aloud. "You aren't ruining my plans. Once the project is done, I'm supposed to quit my job, and get into something that isn't potions related and leave Severus behind—leave all of you behind!"

Honestly, she didn't plan to tell anyone about it until the project was actually done, giving others most especially Severus no time to beg for her to stay. But with her recent discussion with Giselle, something inside Hermione just snapped, letting it all come out.

"With that, he's supposed to go back to you, and woo you or whatever else," she continued through her tears. "The both of you would get back together and continue on the road that I ruined with some fucking detour and get on with your lives. Why can't you understand that? Why can't _he_?

"For weeks, I've been trying to push him away, but I can't because he's successfully been tearing down my walls. Well you know what," she said, her cheeks flushing red with anger, "it all stops. I'm going to give him a hard shove over the cliff, and you better bloody be there to catch him." With those painful last words, Hermione stood up from the couch and ran up to her bedroom in tears.

"Did you hear that?" Giselle asked turning her head to Naricssa after watching Hermione run upstairs.

"Every word," Naricssa replied. She even saw the whole thing, as she remained silent standing at the kitchen door. "Lucius told me that things were fine between her and Severus. He didn't mention that they were on rocky terms," she said, placing a tray of ice glasses and ginger ale on the coffee table.

"Did you know about her plans of leaving?" the French witch asked worriedly.

"No," Narcissa answered back, not recalling anything from what her husband had told her. "I don't think anyone did."

"Is it so hard for her to reaccept the fact that she and Severus are the ones that are supposed to be together? Not me and him."

Narcissa didn't know how to answer that question. Apparently Hermione was for more broken than she had realized. "We have to go check on her," she said, remembering that Hermione might have hurt herself. Briskly she and Giselle ran up the stairs, and prayed to Merlin that Hermione didn't do anything to herself.

---

Hermione was crying in the middle of her bed, in an almost fetal position. Tears of pain and denial continuing to flow from her eyes, and by the looks of it, possibly never ending.

Of all things, Giselle was nice to her, not blaming her for anything. Despite ruining their engagement, she says that she didn't ruin anything. It was all wrong. She wanted to hate her, and expected her to be hated as well. Things were not going her way. They were wrongfully right, or rightfully wrong. No matter how much she loved Severus, she wasn't going to ruin his life again.

Hermione shut her eyes, seeing Giselle and Narcissa through her tears. "Don't," she sobbed after hearing her name being called with a French accent, and feeling the bed slightly dip next to her.

"Severus loves you, and only you Hermione," Giselle said softly. "You love him, yes?"

"I do," Hermione replied in a whimper.

"Then why fight it?"

"Because you're better."

"No such thing," Giselle said back. "You're the one that's best for him. I am French and believe in true love. You and Severus define that alone." When Hermione didn't respond, she continued. "You'd better make sure that you have a safety line hanging onto him when you push him off, because you'll soon realize how much truth there is. Don't try to deny it more. It's wrong."

Hermione opened her eyes and stared at her in awe. "Why don't you hate me?"

"Because there's nothing for me to hate about you," Giselle replied. "Friends can't hate each other. We are friends, are we not?"

With a strangled sob, Hermione nodded in reply. Giselle's words had finally hit her. Some of the weight on her shoulders as well as he heart had been lifted, making her feel a little better.

Giselle pulled Hermione towards her, saying some comforting words in French and English. She looked at Narcissa as she too lay on the bed behind Hermione. Both of them trying to comfort and calm Hermione as best as they could until Severus's return later on.

-----

AN – Sorry it's been awhile since my last update. But I am still here, I promise. Life has just gotten in the way too much, making me busy with a lot of things. I'm sure you know what place Giselle is talking about. Hope you are all still along with me on this story, as well as a few of my other ones. **Review pls!**


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 23

The late hours of the night had just started, just a little past ten, and the streets were streets were starting to crowd with the late night party goers, bar hoppers, and numerous tourists. Even though it was a week night, there were many people that made the streets alive in the Red Light District.

In the middle of one of the many canal, Severus stood on top of one, alone as he stared out onto the water, shimmering beneath the street lights. As he waited for the time to pass, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out two small objects in his hand. One being the engagement ring that he had given to Giselle, and the other, Hermione's rose pendant, which he had never given back.

Earlier, back in San Francisco while he was getting dressed in his room, he opened his nightstand drawer to get his watch and saw the two jewels. Without thinking about what to do with them at that moment, he just stuffed them into his pockets. Now, as he held them in his hands, he stared at them deep in thought.

Unlike many people in the world, Severus viewed himself as having to lives—one with Hermione and the other without. Because of her, he was a person he thought that he could never be. And without her, he felt like he had been thrown back into his old life, even when he was with Giselle. Hermione made him feel re-born, and complete. His life was a book on its own, but with Hermione, it was a different book altogether.

Over eight years ago, his life with Hermione had stopped completely. He had hidden her deep in his heart. His life—his story, _their_ book had been gathering up dust in cobwebs in the 'Restricted Section' of his heart. It was undone, and he thought that it would remain that way forever. But once again, destiny had a weird way of playing into things, and found himself with Hermione again.

Severus's mind was made up weeks ago. His chapter with Giselle had come to a close, leaving them as just friends. His life with Hermione had reopened. With a final look at the engagement ring, he took it in his other hand, tossing it far into the air, and into the water.

"To wishing for happy endings and a love story to last forever," he whispered to himself. Upon hearing his name being called by Lucius not far away, he turned on his feet, putting the rose pendant back in his jacket pocket. He was going to give it to Hermione soon, at the right moment and perfect time.

---

"Look at that red head fucker!" Draco hissed at the three older wizards as they stood invisibly at one side of the car. They were the only ones that could see each other under the charm.

From across the street they saw Ron come out of an establishment of sorts—a bar with some prostitutes. His arms each wrapped around a blonde female with huge-fake-implanted busts, loads of make-up on their faces, and really skimpy clothing. He walked like a man with much confidence, smirking arrogantly as he chatted away with his company.

Draco curled his nose in disgust and shook his head. "Look at him," he snorted, "all walking tall like he's the bloody pimp king of the city. If I was him, I'd try to get myself better girls. Well, he most probably can't afford better. Loser prick!"

"Draco! We are here for Hermione, and not for you to make fun of Weasley," Lucius scolded, reminding his son that there were more serious matters at hand.

"What? I'm just saying," Draco shrugged. "Funny that the Weasel has to pay some to get some. I on the other hand don't."

He was the most eligible bachelor in all of Wizarding Britain, even topping a few more lists in other European countries. Wealth, looks and even brains made many women want and even faun over him. Draco never committed himself into a serious relationship though, playing the field. But behind all that playboy image of his, he really was just looking for the perfect woman for him.

"Thankfully your mother isn't here," Lucius sighed.

"Your arrogance and Slytherin tendencies are too much for you," Severus muttered to Draco. His eyes however, never leaving sight of Ron. If he had lost his sense of control, he would find himself running across the street, but revenge was to be done in private.

"He's going to go to that little cheap motel down the street," Alan informed. "Honestly, the place is a rattrap."

"He's a rodent, and belongs with the rest of them," Draco commented.

"What happens when we get to the hotel?" Alan asked. "Can't just grab him and apperate to the warehouse. Not so sure if those women are witches or just plain muggles."

A smirk graced on Draco's lips as his eyes twinkled, thinking of the perfect idea. "Fake something or act like someone. Humiliate him in front of the ladies."

"And how do you propose we do that?" Lucius asked. A single brow arched up, wondering as to why his son was smirking at him. He wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing.

"You play the _Pimp Daddy_ Father," the younger Malfoy answered.

"Excuse me?!" Lucius growled lowly. He didn't know what a Pimp Daddy was. The language barrier between generations was really different. By the two words alone, it didn't sound all too well.

"Really Father, it's simple," Draco started to explain as the others too listened around him. "Pretend you're Weasely's pimp, and that he has a personal appointment to settle with you. That's your explanation when you barge through his doors. And not just any pimp… a _gay_ one. Act as if he's your _fuck toy._ That'll surely get the ladies off him, run off and the rumors will spread that he is gay. He'll be humiliated. Then we can kidnap him!" He placed a hand on his stomach and chuckled lightly. His plan was brilliant!

Lucius blinked several times as his mind tried to process what his son had told him.

"Actually," Severus started as he frowned, "I think that's the best plan that we can come up with." He turned to Draco and spoke to him. "Maybe your Slytherin tendencies aren't so bad after all."

Lucius smirked. He had to agree with Severus. He lifted up the cane making the snake head face him. "After all, I do have the _pimp cane _and…" his voice changed into something softer, and more seductive, "the hair." He ran his a hand through his hair before pushing it behind his shoulder. "I am pretty—no, correction, beautiful."

Severus shuddered slightly, not because the night was cold. Seeing Lucius act in such a manner was very disturbing. In addition to that, he was a homophobic, not wanting to be around gay men ever. Luckily, they were in the section of the Red Light District were people were straight. "Please Lucius!" he said in disgust. "It's not time to get into the part yet."

"But practice makes _perrrfect,_" he purred, stepping closer towards Severus.

Severus stepped back, and raised his arm so that Lucius couldn't get within am arms length closer to him. "Don't tease me. This isn't funny!"

"But it is," Lucius chuckled. The other two agreed.

The black eyes of Severus narrowed. "You are very disturbed," he simply said. He stomped off down the street, very intent on following Weasley. Another shiver was not missed by the other behind him, who just continued to chuckle softly.

---

Severus took the lead as they entered the hotel, still with their invisibility charms. From the tiny front lobby alone, Severus concluded that Alan was correct. The place was a rattrap.

There were bits of trash scattered on the floor, as well as a few chewed gum on the wall that seemed to have been there since day one. There was a stench that reeked in the air—sour and soil, like something was rotting. Severus wouldn't be surprised if there was an actual dead rat in the lobby, and possibly every corner of the hotel.

At the enclosed front desk, Severus leaned on the counter, making sure he didn't breathe close to the disgusting, filthy old man. He saw the check in list taped on one side of the wall, and scanned the name until he saw 'Wesley.' No doubt, the old man was just as stupid as he looked. The four of them then made their way upstairs, dodging some people that they would almost bump into.

Upon reaching the door of Ron's room, Lucius was just about to raise his wand to take off the invisibility charm, just when he was stopped by Alan. He glanced at the wizard and followed his gaze towards a couple that was making out some feet away next to their open door. Without a word, he understood, not wanting the risk of getting caught or seen by any muggles. How where they to explain that the suddenly appeared from thin air? So the four of them just stood outside, hearing voices coming from the other side of the door.

"_Ronnikins, our big, big stud," one woman's voice said._

"_We three have fun tonight again, yes?" the other voice asked._

"_Most definitely ladies," Ron's voice said. "Now who wants a go at the Stallion first?"_

"The Stallion?" Draco questioned, until he snorted. "Fucker's got a small dick I tell you. I remember the days back in Hogwarts at the quidditch locker rooms. That arse can't even compare to anyone, certainly not me," he commented arrogantly.

"Please Draco," Lucius scolded him yet again, shaking his head. "That's too much information. This isn't the time to discuss Weasley's… penis. Where are your manners?"

"Come on Father," Draco started to argue, "he's about to fuck two disgusting women behind that door. His fucking dick isn't impressive. I'm sure he doesn't know how to use it nor can he satisfy the ladies with it, which is why he has to pay for sex."

"Well, regardless of his… size, need I remind you that he still has a penis and he used it the wrong way on Hermione years ago," Severus growled in irritation. He was getting more and more impatient and wanted to get his hands on Weasley. He reached for the doorknob, only to be stopped by Lucius.

"We have a plan remember?" the blond wizard reminded him. "We can't just go in invisible. What will Weasley's companions think? I'm the one that has to surprise him and catch him off guard. You all soon after."

Severus clenched his jaw and hissed, "I want to get at him the most! Screw you and your pimp cane. Better yet, give it to me and I'll shove it up his arse." He tried to reach for the snake cane, but it was Alan who stopped him this time.

"Don't let your anger get you just yet Severus," he spoke. "Not now, not when we don't have him. Later at the warehouse, you can do whatever you please with him, but not kill him. There are muggles around and we have to be careful."

Severus hesitated, and mentally counted to three as he breathed hard through his nostrils, and tried to regain the control that he was just about to lose. Weasley was within his reach, and he couldn't get to him. They were correct, they couldn't risk getting caught or be seen by muggles when they were to cast a spell. The consequences for them would be Azkaban, and that was a consequence that they couldn't take, most especially him, not now when Hermione was in his life again.

"_Ronnikins, me first," one voice whined._

"_No, I'm first. You were first last time," the other voice argued._

"_Now, now ladies," Ron's voice said. "There's plenty of me to go around, no need to fight."_

"_But Ronni, you only lasted enough for her, and couldn't get it up another round last time. What about me?" There was a small amount of disappointment in her voice._

Draco tried to hold it in, but he couldn't and just ended up chuckling. "Bloody hell! The Stallion has the stamina of a cheetah. Poor bastard. Why am I not surprised? I don't feel sorry for him but for the ladies. If I knew the ladies were clean, or haven't been touched by Weasley—never know, he might have crabs or some sort of disgusting STD—I'd have a go at them."

Severus could only roll his eyes as Lucius talked.

"Oh please Draco!" Lucius said in disgust. "I think we've heard more than enough talk about Weasley's penis and your sex life. I beg of you… enough."

Draco shrugged again, not at all bothered by his father's complaints. "Father, it's only talk. If the couple down the hall doesn't move, sooner or later, we'll hear Weasely fucking away."

"Draco!" Severus said in a very lowly growl. It was his turn to complain, and he honestly couldn't wait another blasted second.

Disturbing it was, knowing that Weasley was having the time of his life every night, as if he hadn't done anything wrong in his past. Weasley was enjoying his sexual relations with countless of women, when he had hurt Hermione, who was supposedly his best friend. If it were up to him, he would castrate the boy, and then let him suffer the dementors kiss in Azkaban.

Severus could only pray that the youngest Weasley would later on confess that he did rape Hermione, it was the easiest way for him to be sent to Azkaban. If not, then the other, and last option was that Hermione would be the one to press charges against Weasley. But that option was the difficult one.

Bringing up the subject of rape to Hermione was questionable, dangerous and fragile. Severus didn't know how to approach it as he tried to figure the best way of how to do it since Lucius's search for Weasley. He remembered her telling him that she only thought of it once, just once, and it was something that he didn't believe. He knew there was something more to Hermione's truth.

Rape was a subject that was no stranger to him, with him being a former death eater. Many times, during the days when Voldemort was alive, there were rebels which happened regularly. Muggles and muggle-borns were kidnapped and taken for torturous entertainment, and mostly, rape. Like Lucius however, Severus never participated in such acts, and merely watched from the sidelines, disgusted at what was called entertainment to Voldemort. He saw the pain in the women's eyes as his fellow companions did whatever they pleased. And they were images that would always be embedded in his mind.

Severus had come to the conclusion that Hermione had repressed the memory of her rape. It was something that some rape victims did, not wanting to remember or recall something so traumatic. So, instead of thinking of the rape, she focused her pain elsewhere, and that being on him breaking up with her. Obviously, she didn't have the strength to talk to him about it because if she did, she wouldn't have just run away like that, and not back down from speaking the truth. That is what happened though. She wasn't able to deal with either pain, which made her runaway and start a new life elsewhere.

To be fair to her, Severus knew that he had to tell her. But when and how? Despite it being a repressed memory, it broke her. It was—or is, the main reason as to why Hermione became who she is now. Fragile, lost and broken.

The truth would eventually have to be told, no matter how painful. It was all part of the healing process. There was no denying. Acceptance was key, before one could truly move on. And that is what Hermione needed to do. Severus didn't want to hurt her, but it would have to be done. He would have to tell her, and he feared that it would only break her more.

"The couple's gone into their room," Alan said.

"Stand up against the walls," Lucius told the other three as he pulled out his wand, and cast a spell to put down the invisibility charm. "You'll know when to come in after I've humiliated Weasley." With a _Alohamora _the door unlocked allowing him to kick it open.

---

"That's it babe, ride me," Ron grunted as the woman on top rode him. The sight of her breasts bouncing in front of him made it so tempting to reach out. He would have done so if his hands weren't busy with the other—his finger teasing and fucking the other. This was the life.

Suddenly, all three people on the bed stopped moving when they heard the door open roughly. All heads turned towards its direction, and Ron's eyes widened in complete surprise. There at the door stood none other than Lucius Malfoy.

"Oh Ronald," Lucius greeted with a pout. "I've been looking for you all night. And now, here you are. You've disappointed me again, and with these disgusting women. Not to worry, _Daddy's _here…"

-----

AN – Yes, the chapter will end there. Who's your Daddy? Lucius is. LOL! The Ron-bashing is about to begin... **Reivew!**


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 24

Instead of scrambling off Ron and trying to find something to cover themselves up with, the two women remained still and frowned at Lucius. Obviously, being naked in front of strangers didn't bother them a single bit.

Ron, who was in shock for a moment, and was unmoving for awhile, finally got his brain to function. "Malfoy!" he said in shocked squeak, finding his voice. He removed his fingers from the woman's pussy, while he shoved the other woman off him. Covering himself up with the blankets as best as he could, he asked, "What the bloody hell are you doing here?!" Disappointedly, his cock dwindled rapidly into its flaccid state.

"Really now? Is that how you call me after everything?" Lucius purred as he set his cane down against the wall and started to unbutton his leather jacket. "You once used to call me Luci."

"You are one hot looking stud," the woman who was riding Ron earlier complimented the tall blond, very handsome looking man that just entered the room. "You know Ronnikins here? Are you going to join our little party as well?"

Lucius hid the smirk on his lips as he turned towards the sofa near him, tossing his coat up on the back of the sofa. "Ronnikins, what kind of name is that?" he asked as he shook his head at the very confused and shocked redhead on the bed. "His name is Ron-Ron, and he is _my bonbon_ and no one else's. And if there's any party tonight, it's him and me and no one else, as it should be."

The two ladies frowned back and forth between the two men in the room, completely clueless or just too dumb to even realize as to what Lucius was getting at. Ron on the other hand was again at a loss for words, not knowing what he was also getting at.

"Oh really ladies… Tsk, tsk, tsk," Lucius said shaking his head. "Did my Ron-Ron forget to tell you? He's gay. I'm his Pimp Daddy you see, and all he wanted to do was test what it was like to be with a woman or a few," he explained and faked a shiver of disgust. "He only said that he'd do it for a certain amount of time and now that time is up. Now, he's mine and mine alone."

Both ladies looked at Ron, with complete mortified and disgusted looks on their faces. Sure they slept around with a lot of people, but only straight men. Even with the money involved in their jobs, they made it a point to only fuck or sleep with straight men. Gays were a whole different subject.

"I swear, I have no idea what he's talking about!" Ron said in defense. His cheeks were flushed red, with anger, but to the ladies, they took it as a sign of embarrassment.

"Yuck!" one lady said like she was going to puke as she and the other jumped out of the bed. "You'd better tell me he's joking!"

"I don't know what he's talking about!" Ron repeated.

"Oh Ron-Ron," Lucius said as he took hold of his cane, and slowly glided towards the bed. "Don't lie, not while _Daddy's _here."

"You-you're gay?" the other one asked. "You were just testing the waters?"

"I'm not! There's no need to test anything!" Ron answered aloud. He was naked beneath the sheets, clutching to them tightly and in fear as he watched the blond wizard tower over him. He didn't know what to do, and was still in shock. No! This had to be a dream, a really bad dream. He must've passed out in orgasm like what happened a few times before. Yeah, that was the perfect explanation. "I'm a hundred percent _straight_ I tell you!"

Lucius lay himself down side ways on the bed, barely an inch away from Weasely. It was too close to comfort, but in all honesty, he liked playing into the _Pimp Daddy _part for his humiliation. And so far, it was going very well. When Weasley, tried to move himself away from him and off the bed, he stopped him with the head of his cane. With the snake's mouth hooked on Weasley's arm, Lucius gave it a good tug, dragging the younger wizard towards him.

"What do you want Malfoy?" Ron croaked in fear. It was his worst nightmare, coming to life. He was being called gay when he wasn't in front of two gorgeous women. It was more than embarrassing, but rather the most humiliating thing he had ever experienced in his life. Of all things, Lucius Malfoy was thrown in the picture, and he couldn't even ask why with all the confusion in his head. He tried to push the snake cane away so that he could get further away from him, but to no avail, he was stronger than him. "Get this thing off me!"

"But this is your favorite play thing Ron-Ron, as is mine," Lucius said seductively. Don't you remember? Or do you need to be reminded."

"Candi and I should get going… now!" the lady who was riding Ron earlier urged to her companion. "This is disgusting! You're gay and sleeping with women. Wait till the other girls hear about this." She started to get dressed as fast as she could, as well as the other one.

Ron successfully pushed the cane away and jumped from the bed. "I don't know what he's talking about, I swear."

"But clearly he knows you," one said.

"My boy toy here loves it up the arse," Lucius informed the two with a wide smirk on his face as he leaned back against the headboard. He would've laughed at jaw gaping, shocked, confused, and lost expression that he saw on Weasley's face if he wasn't here on serious pretences. Instead, he had a very smug look on his face. Why wasn't going undercover this fun during the days of Voldemort?

"Too much information," one lady said. She turned green and seemed like she was going to gag at any moment.

"Too bad, you were a looker," the other commented as she shook her head, giving one last look at Lucius before she put the last of her clothes on, which was her skimpy top.

"What?" Ron said as he watched the two ladies start to walk towards the door. He was naked as he went after them, currently not caring at the moment. He wanted the ladies back, desperate to prove that he wasn't gay. "Hang on a minute. I paid you. We never even finished."

"We're done! No refunds!" one woman snapped. She opened the door and looked at Ron. "When word gets around, none of my work companions would want to fuck you. But the gays, oh… they love their twinks." With that, she stormed down the hall, not looking back with her companion right behind her.

Ron took a step out and was about to run after them, only to be standing face to face with Draco.

"Go to pay ladies for a fuck," Draco chuckled. "I don't pity you." He looked down at the flaccid cock in front of him and just laughed. "So _not _The Stallion."

Before Ron could answer Draco back, a hand grasped him tightly around the back of his neck, and shoved him back roughly into the room, making him almost land on his face with he hit the floor. He rolled onto his back and groaned. "What the—" Suddenly, he couldn't breathe as a hand went around his neck again, and he found himself eye to eye with Snape. His eyes darted around the room. Draco closed the door, and stood next to a man he didn't recognize.

"Surprised to see us Weasley?" Severus growled, his back eyes piercing with anger. "I'm going to fucking kill you for what you did! How does now sound?"

Draco and Lucius moved quickly towards Severus, knowing that he was serious with his words. After waiting for so long to get his hands and Ron, he finally did have one around his neck. They had to intervene before he would really kill him. The rage and anger was all in his eyes, even his body shook with it. They each grabbed an arm and pulled him off the much smaller wizard.

"You fucker!" Severus shouted allowed as he struggled between both wizards as they dragged him across the room, setting him safely afar from that damned Weasley. "I'll kill you Weasley, for what you did to Hermione, mark my words!"

"Enough Severus!" Lucius said as he shoved his friend up against the wall. "Control yourself dammit! You can't kill him. I know how you feel, even I would want to. But you can't risk going to Azkaban. Remember that, for Hermione's sake. Please!"

Severus gritted his teeth and anger and frustration. That's exactly what he told himself earlier, but he lost his control and snapped. If things could go his way, he'd gladly kill the Weasley bastard with his bare hands and enjoy the sounds of his slow and torturous death. The world however didn't run his way. Killing wasn't an option, but the torturing was. He remained standing against the wall, with Lucius and Draco holding him, waiting for his anger to cool down somewhat.

Alan walked towards Ron, with his wand in the air, quickly casting a silencing spell around the room so as no one from the outside would hear anything. He grabbed the blanket from the bed and threw it at the Weasel, wanting him to cover up. No longer could he stand the sight of his disgusting nakedness. His eyes narrowed as he looked down at him. So this was him, the one that raped Hermione. Now he had a face to go along with the name, and to him, he was never her friend but just her rapist. "So you're Ronald Weasely," he said. It wasn't a question.

Ron wiped the blood around his mouth with the blanket and covered himself with it. After, he looked up at the stranger that towered over him. "Who the bloody fuck are you?" he spat.

"You have an attitude on you," Alan commented. "The name's Alan Grand, and I am a very good friend of Hermione's."

"Yeah? Well maybe you're her Pimp Daddy," Ron said, mocking him back. He looked around the room, and saw all four of them. "Or are you all her Pimp Daddy's in a way? She a good fuck for all of you?

"You are walking on a very thin line," Alan said threateningly. "It's as thin as a spider's web. You'd better watch your words boy."

Ron ignored his comment and looked at Severus, smirking at him when they're gazes mate. "I suppose you're back with her then? Would it kill you to know that she was screaming my name instead of yours when we were having sex in _your_ bed?"

"Why you—" Severus growled as he tried to get past Lucius, only to be shoved against the wall again. "You fucking drugged her, I know it. And then you raped her! Fuck you!"

Ron's eyes widened for a second before they narrowed at Severus. Alan who was standing by was the one that saw his surprise. "You're the one that broke her heart," he argued back.

"So it's true then? You're not denying it," Alan stated.

"And why the fuck should I answer to you, or any of you?" Ron snapped. "Better you should all just leave."

"Frankly, I've had enough of this bullshit of yours. We're going to get it out of you" Alan said bent down grabbing Ron by his neck, before he looked at Draco. "Shall we?"

Draco pulled his wand out of his pocket, and with the flick of it, they all disappeared from the room.

---

Ron found himself in a pitch black room. He was tied up into a chair, with his hands behind him and the feel of the blanket covering up the lower part of his body. He tried to budge out of his ropes, again and again, feeling them burn against his wrists. "Hey!" he shouted. "Get me outta here!"

Instantly, there was light in the room as the other three wizards held their wands beneath their faces, as its tips lit up with the simple Lumos charm. Severus on the other hand held his wand straight out directly at Ron.

"Admit to it Weasley," he growled in a very dangerous voice. "Admit to your doings of raping Hermione, or else…"

With a wordless spell, Severus made ice cold water, and a few pieces of ice cubes go soak up Ron, like he had thrown a bucket of ice water at him. "That is just the beginning of things to come," he spoke. "Otherwise, things will get worse from here on end, and trust me, you'll be begging for mercy later unless you commit to your raping of Hermione."

"Rape?!" Ron said aloud as he shivered. "You and all you other shits were death eaters, and should be convicted of your crimes. Screw Dumbledore and the Ministry for saying you were double spies. You still committed those crimes. You raped and killed all in the name of Voldemort." He shook his head, the slight corner of his mouth lifting. "Admit to it for I'm damned well sure that you enjoyed them, you sadistical bastards."

"We never participated in rape," Lucuis said. "And how dare you convict us of anything! You know nothing!" everything that his family did with Severus was for the Order, and in the name of all things that were good. Of course, he felt guilty for harming others, but it had to be done.

"Fuck you all!"

Severus clenched his fist in anger and irritation and went towards Ron as fast as he could, connecting his fist as hard as he could, squarely against his jaw.

Ron spat out the blood from inside his mouth, and groaned, feeling an intense pain from his left jaw. "You're the rapist, taking advantage of someone who's way younger than you. You probably cast a spell on her since no one would fall for some the likes of you," he said as he turned to face Severus, spitting directly at his face.

Severus flinched slightly, before grabbing Ron by his jaw and squeezing it tightly, watching and hearing him whimper in pain. "You're right Weasley, I am sadistic, but it's making and seeing _you_ in pain that I enjoy. And since you're making things difficult…" He stepped back and raised his wand, pointing directly between Ron's eyes. "Legilimens!"

-----

AN – Here I go again with my cliffies! Evil me I know, I've heard it all from you again and again. What happened that unfaithful night over eight years ago will be revieled, next. **Review!**

(Sorry for the delay for this chapter, but my plot bunnies wanted to write something else, or three things to be exact. Please stay tuned for Valentine's Day, which by my time is tomorrow for me. As a special treat, I have written three different Valentine oneshots—SSG, LMHG, and a DMHG one. I'll be posting them all tomorrow. Hopefully you'll enjoy them! And for more of my writing updates, please do visit my blog and follow it.)


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

-----

Chapter 25

_Ron opened the door for Hermione as they walked into Absinth, which was a bar that was a few steps away from Knockturn Alley. Unlike the Three Broomsticks, it was really just a bar in which many people just drank, and of course, there were no students around or even allowed inside the establishment._

_After making their orders with the bartender, they sat themselves down at one of the booth seats, getting a little privacy for themselves. There were a number of customers that were already very drunk and getting rowdy._

"_So, where's he at this time?" Ron asked._

_Hermione's eyes slightly narrowed at him. She knew exactly who 'he' was, especially with that tone of voice Ron used. There was a hint of anger and jealousy in it, a sound she knew too well. "Please Ron, not again," she said, wishing Harry would've come. With him around there was some control, Ron wouldn't voice his opinion on Severus._

"_I'm just asking!" Ron said defensively. "What do you see in him anyways Mione? I'm a great catch you know? Better than him actually."_

_Gritting her teeth, and counting to ten, Hermione told herself inwardly not to snap, so as not to draw attention. She was tired of this discussion, and knowing how Ron was, she was probably never going to see the end of it. "Please Ron! As a friend, I want you to at least respect who I'm having relations with. I know it's hard, but Harry's learned to respect it. Why can't you?"_

_Ron reached out and placed his hand on top of Hermione's in the center of the table. "Because I like you Mione. I really do, and you know that. Why can't you respect that, and give us a chance?"_

_Hermione pulled her hand away, and could feel her anger start to boil. "Ronald! For the nth time, I'm telling you I am not and never was interested or attracted to you in any way. I love you, but only as a friend—even like a sister, but nothing more, and it will remain to stay that way. With you bringing up this stupid subject again and again is threatening me to make me love you less, and trust me you wouldn't want that," she stated. "Now, I'm going to the ladies room for a bit, and when I come back, this discussion had better be over, or I'm going home, and I'll be leaving you alone for the night." She slid away from her seat, and stood up roughly, and started to walk to the comfort room. Hopefully Ron would shutup about his feelings for her later. There was a possibility that he would since she knew he really liked spending alone time with her. On the other hand, he was still the annoying whiney prat, that always complained._

_Ron glared behind Hermione as he watched her walk away. He drummed his fingers on the wood of the table very much in deep thought. For some time, he had hoped to get her alone, having thought of a plan to make her his. And tonight seemed like the perfect time to work it all out._

---

"_God, do you remember when Harry's arm went all rubbery in second year?" Hermione questioned with a slur, later on snorting before she ended up laughing. "Let me tell you, I had to swallow the bile that had come up from my throat that time. Hush… don't tell Harry though." She reached for her cold mug of beer, drinking down what was left of it, before she grinned and wiped her mouth with her sleeve._

"_I'm not going to say a thing," Ron muttered as he smirked behind his own mug of beer. His plan was working out perfectly. Only two beers in, and Hermione was very drunk. He knew how she couldn't hack her liquor. Raising his hand, he signaled to the bartender for another round._

"_Too bad he couldn't come hmm?" Hermione said as she peaked into her empty mug._

"_Yeah, too bad," Ron lied. It was great for him that Harry didn't come. When he was sure that Hermione wasn't looking at him, her quickly slipped in two little white pills into her new mug, before offering it to her._

_Hermione knew she had reached past her body's limit for alcohol as the world revolved around her. "No," she said, shoving Ron's hand away as he offered her another fresh mug of cold beer. "Enough… I'm drunk as it is. I don't think I can make it home on my own if I get drunker."_

"_C'mon Mione. Just one more drink," Ron urged with a pout. "I promise to bring you home, safe and sound."_

"_Alright," Hermione sighed in defeat. She trusted him. After all, he was her best friend and would make sure that she did get home safe. "Sev's not home anyways. Can't wait till he gets back from Dublin."_

_Ron felt jealous again. Hermione was supposed to be his, and not Snape's. It didn't matter anymore anyhow. He was going to make her his later on, he was sure of that. Snape would soon be nothing to Hermione when she would realize just how wrong she was to be with him, and how right he was all along. Oh yes, he thought, when her pass out on with her head on the table. She was definitely going to find out soon enough._

---

_Ron carried Hermione into Severus' chambers in Hogwarts, knowing earlier that his wards would recognize her and allow them entry. He stood in the middle of the living room and waited for a moment, and listened if he was to hear anything or anyone. Thankfully, there wasn't a single sound he heard except for Hermione's mumbling against his neck. He couldn't wait another minute to make her his, and made his way towards the bedroom._

"_Sev…" Hermione sighed dreamily into his neck._

"_That greasy git!" Ron muttered through clenched teeth as he entered the bedroom. He promised himself that before the end of the night, she would be saying his name instead of his, and tomorrow would be a perfect day to start a brand new life with her._

_As soon as Ron got to the edge of the bed, he tossed Hermione onto it, slightly waking her from her drug induced slumber._

"_Love… that you?" she barely asked. Her eyes slightly opened, seeing a blurred figure standing next to her._

"_That's right, it's me," Ron said as he smirked. He was Hermione's love, and not Snape's. He fumbled quickly with his belt and trousers, and later discarded the rest of his clothing, leaving it in a messy pile on the floor. Without waiting for an invitation, he threw himself on the bed right next to her, and grabbed her chin, kissing her roughly._

"_No, not… now," Hermione complained groggily pushing him away._

"_Yes, now," Ron growled, as he claimed her mouth again, keeping her there, with his hand holding her tightly at the back of her neck. Finally, he was kissing her! Never in his wildest dreams had he ever imagined it being this good—so fiery and sweet._

_Hermione tried to push him off, but he was too strong. After a few failed attempts, she gave way, sighing, "Just be quick Sev."_

"_I won't be quick babe." Ron pulled off her knickers, and wandlessly, the rest of her clothes were on the floor right next to his. He tested her with a finger and then two, making sure she was wet. After sometime of teasing her, he noticed that she didn't get wet enough, but could no longer wait for anymore preliminaries. "Get ready, here I come."_

"_Sev…" Hermione just said, laying still with her hands up next to her head when she felt him thrust in._

_Ron again, jealous that he was saying the other man's name grabbed Hermione by her cheeks and made her look at him. "Say my name! Say my name!" he demanded._

"_Sev, Sev…" Hermione gasped, before her eyes rolled back as she blacked out._

"_Mother fucker!" Ron grunted when he realized that she had just passed out. Noticing that he was still in her, he wasn't going to lose the opportunity fully. He still kept on thrusting in and out of her. It felt good, but she wasn't as tight as he thought. Regardless, he still continued on for a few short minutes, until he came, shouting out his triumphant release._

_He collapsed on top of her, trying to catch his breath. By far, it was the best sex he had imagined. When he rolled of her, he looked at her sleeping form and smiled to himself. Yes, tomorrow, she was his._

---

_Hermione felt her head pound painfully as she tried to open her heavy eyelids. To her surprise, she saw herself looking up at a very angry Severus. "Good morning," she groaned as she up. How did she get to bed last night? "I suppose the symposium didn't go well at all?"_

"_How dare you!" Severus growled in complete anger and heartbreak. "You think everything's peachy between us after sleeping with him?!" he asked pointing to the other man in his bed._

_Ron who was awakened by his voice earlier, sat up with a smile on his face. With Snape in front of him, he was going to take full advantage of the situation. "Morning Mione, my babe," he greeted her with a smile, and kissed her on the cheek. He then wrapped at arm around her, and smirked at the other man for a moment. "Last night was great. It should've been us long time ago."_

_Hermione was too shocked to find Ron naked with her in her boyfriend's bed. What the hell happened last night? This had to be some sort of weird nightmare. Her brain then seemed to function through the blurry and achy hangover effect. They were together! Naked! She snapped her head and looked up at Severus, pushing Ron's arm off her. "Oh God Sev, it's not what you think!" she stammered in shock._

"_Oh really?" he drawled._

"_C'mon babe," Ron said before Hermione could say anything. He wrapped his arm around her again and pulled her towards him more firmly. You can't say that now, not with all the promises you and I made last night. Promises that you said were meant to be made long time ago._

_Hermione's jaw dropped open as she stared at Ron. She couldn't remember saying anything like that to him last night. She most certainly wouldn't have in any case. However, she definitely remembered that before they started drinking, she made her feelings clear to him. So where was all this bullshit she was hearing coming from?_

_Having heard and seen enough, and not to mention feeling the most unbearable pain he had ever felt from his chest, Severus started to make his exit. He had to be a million miles away from the woman he loved. The woman he thought loved him unconditionally. The woman who broke his heart. Never had he felt so vulnerable. "When I come back, you'd better be gone, along with all your blasted things," he told Hermione in the sternest voice he could say. At the moment, he could feel a burning beneath his eyes, and he refused to cry in front of her._

"_Severus!" Hermione shouted aloud, calling after him. She pulled away from Ron's grasp, and wrapped the blanket around her body as she tried to run after him. "Sev, please wait, I can explain!"_

_Just when she made it to the bedroom door, her foot got caught on one edge of the blanket, making her fall to the floor. Had she not reacted quickly, catching herself on her arms and elbows painfully, she would've fallen flat on her face._

"_Sev," Hermione sobbed as she watched him slam the door as he left his chambers. She was crying, and it wasn't because of the physical pain of falling. Right then and there, she felt her heart breaking, and as far as she knew, she wasn't in the wrong._

_Still naked, Ron rushed to her side, kneeling on the floor. "You alright?" he asked trying to help her stand up._

"_No!" Hermione screamed through her tears as she shoved him away. "I'm not alright, thanks to you."_

"_He's gone now, broken up with you. What's the problem?" he asked with a frown. He stretched both arms at his sides and said, "I'm right here babe."_

_Hermione couldn't believe just how arrogant Ron was. Now he was presenting himself to her as if her were some sort of Norse god, which truly seemed pathetic. He absolutely was of no comparison. If anything, it was Severus that looked like a true god beneath his robes. "You can't even compare to him!" she spat as she stood up on her own, making sure to keep herself wrapped up._

"_Of course I can't compare. I'm better than him," he said arrogantly, as he watched her walk towards the bed. "I don't see what you're complaining about, I'm here babe."_

_Hermione grabbed his clothes and threw them towards him, hard._

_Ron caught them right before they missed his face. "What about all the promises we made to each other last night? you said I truly was the one, I was—am your true love babe."_

"_I was drunk."_

"_People tend to tell the truth when their inhibitions are down."_

"_Then I can't imagine ever telling you those things because for the last time…" she rummaged through her clothes, and found her wand. Hermione then stood up and pointed it directly at him. "I have no intimate feelings for you whatsoever. Never have, and never will be. Now get out before I hex you into next century."_

"_Aww, you don't mean that now babe." Ron suddenly ducked before a hex hit him. It barely missed him._

"_I am not your babe!" Hermione shouted angrily._

_Without another word, Ron snapped his fingers and was dressed in a split second before running out._

---

"Why you—" Severus growled after he pulled himself out of Ron's mind. However, the sentence wasn't finished as he launched himself at the younger wizard.

Ron's chair tipped backwards as his head hit the concrete floor. He winced in pain for a second before he felt a stronger pain on his face, which was then met by another. Tied up to the chair, he was helpless to even try and defend himself.

"You bastard!" Severus shouted as he was kneeling above him. He started punching Ron's face, left and right, one after the other. Not even slowing when he broke his nose or spilt his lip, more damage had to be done.

The Malfoys ran and pulled Severus off, stopping the man with his assaults. If he continued on, there was no doubt that the youngest Weasley son would be dead.

"Fuck you!" Severus roared as he was pulled away further by strong arms. He tried push them off, only to be dragged away further, until he was a safe distance from him.

Alan pulled Ron's chair up, and looked at how much damage had been done—a broken nose, and jaws, not much. He wondered exactly what Severus had seen in his mind.

"You drugged her!" Severus exclaimed. "And then you took her and raped her, and continued on when she lost consciousness. She clearly didn't know what was happening."

"It is any different from you taking her almost every night. Disgusting to even think that she would sleep with you," Ron countered back. After spitting out some blood, he continued on. "I'm sure you took advantage of her countless of times—not that she would see it."

"Never have I taken advantage of her or raped her!" Severus said back. "I give Hermione freewill to do whatever she pleases with her life. Unlike you, she'll never be a dotting little housewife for you." He stopped struggling against Lucius and Draco, but never broke his deadly glare for Ron. A smirk went on his lips. The Weasel had lied to him in order to make him jealous. Now it was his turn, and this time, it was no lie. "She thought I was you. She never said your name, and repeated mine a few times while you were at it before she passed out. You're such a low prick to even lie about such a thing. It was _always me_ Weasley, and it will _always be me._ You've got to live with it when you're in Azkaban." He nodded to Alan giving him the signal.

Alan pulled out his own wand along with a vial to store memories in. after muttering a spell against Ron's temple, he pointed the tip of his wand into the open vial and watched the cloud of memories fill the vial before closing it with a stopper. The memories were to be used for a pensieve.

Ron snorted and shook his head. It was no surprise that they were stupid. "You can't press charges of rape against me. It has to be Hermione. Do you think she's stupid enough to see things that way? Never, and she'll never see it that way. I'm a friend, and she'd never hurt a friend. She's too good for that."

"Trust me Weasley," Severus started as he was finally let go, raising his hand to levitate the vial towards him. "Things will change by the end of the week. You're friendship will become past tense, and you will be in Azkaban.

"You ran before anyone else could figure you out, when she was still trying to come back to me. If she truly loved you, she would've actually stayed with you but no. You panicked and you ran when the damned tabloids were printing stories about a false affair that you two had. Instead of standing by her, and stating that things were true with all the lies, they became too big for you to handle."

"You're actually going to show her my memories?" Ron questioned.

"If I must," was Severus's reply.

"You'll break her, you know that?" But Hermione wasn't Ron's issue. Now he was really worried that he would get sentenced to Azkaban after years of thinking that he was a man free from his crime.

"Then that's my problem," Severus replied when he held onto his wand. With a flick of it, the warehouse was empty.

-----

AN – The entire truth of that unfaithful night finally revealed. More flashbacks to come next, but of Sev's. Please **review!**


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

-----

Chapter 26

After leaving Ron in a wounded, naked heap back in his filthy motel room, the four wizard's apparated back to the helipad at Grand Industries, before taking the limousine back to Hermione's house. The issue with Ronald Weasley was still far from over, becoming the topic of discussion.

"How are you going to tell Hermione?" Alan asked, breaking the uneasy silence in the car. It was the same question in all of their minds.

There was no way for them to press charges against Ron. No matter how hard they tried to beat a confession out of him, or with Severus seeing everything in his mind, there was no way he was going to confess. He was too selfish for his own self, even turning the accusations around, saying that Severus was the rapist and not him. He wasn't going to march to the Ministry and turn himself in. There was no other option but for Hermione to press those charges herself.

"I honestly don't know," Severus answered pinching the bridge of his nose. The question had been bugging him for almost an hour, giving him a migraine.

How was he going to tell her—breaking it to her gently? Then again, there was nothing gentle about telling anyone that they were raped. Ron was right. The truth was going break her. But Hermione had to know.

Vial in hand—truth in hand; Severus stared at it, thinking back into the past.

---

_After walking around the Black Lake for almost two hours, Severus made his way back to the dungeons, towards his chambers, he's breathing heavy. But he's wasn't caused by his physical excursion. It was his chest, and it felt like something was tightening. At times, it felt like he couldn't breathe. It wasn't a heart attack, but his heart breaking, and he damned well knew there wasn't a potion in the world that could heal or even ease his pain._

_As he made his way down the dungeon steps, he prayed that Hermione was no longer in his chambers. His brief demand to her for leaving should've been good enough for her to follow. With the tone that he used, no one dared to disobey him. She had to be gone. He wouldn't be able to stand it if he saw her. He was too angry at her to even look at her another second. With what she had done, he wished her out of his life completely._

_Much to Severus's dismay, after bursting through his doors, he saw her sitting on the living room couch, looking at him intently. Ignoring her 'Hello,' he walked past the room, avoiding eye contact as he made his way to his study._

"_Severus, please, can we talk?" Hermione pleaded as she followed him, jumping off the couch._

"_I thought I told you to get out of here?" Severus growled as he stood at one corner of the room, pulling out a bottle of fire whiskey from his liquor cabinet, along with a glass. He poured himself a decent amount of amber liquid into the glass and chugged it down in one gulp. "Wasn't two hours enough time for you to pack? Or need I remind you that you're a witch? Everything can be done with a simple spell."_

"_Please Sev, if you'll let me explain—"_

"_Explain what?!" he roared, spinning on his heels to face her. "There's no need to fucking explain anything! Weasley already explained it all, and not to mention the fact that you were both in my bed earlier this morning, naked! Now tell me, what have I ever done to you? I gave myself to you fully, heart and soul, and all the while you've been harboring feelings for your best friend."_

"_No Sev, that isn't true," she stated, her bottom lip trembling as fresh tears threatened to flow from her eyes. "It's always been you."_

"_And you dare have the audacity to lie to my face? I believe you already made me feel like a fool. No more Hermione. Not this time, or ever again. Now, for the last time, get out," he said slowly._

"_But if you'll just—" Hermione suddenly stopped, jumping far from the door as the fire whiskey bottle shattered on the wood heavily. For a second she stared at the shards and liquid mess on the floor before she looked back up at Severus._

_It was the angriest she'd ever seen him, and truthfully, she was scared. His chest heaving after shouting at her while he threw the bottle. His eyes glaring at her, piercing through her like arrows. Hermione was afraid that if she said anymore, it would push his button further, and he might do something worse._

"_I-I'll give you some time to cool off then," she stammered, before walking out the door. She looked over her shoulder, hoping to make eye contact with him. To her disappointment, he had his back turned. With that, she packed her things with her wand, and left, without another word or glimpse of him._

---

_Severus glanced at the headlines of the Daily Prophet as it read, 'TROUBLE IN PARADISE WITH HERO AND HEROINE WHORE?' The picture that accompanied it was one of Hermione, and the Weasley boy, who obviously looked like they were arguing. It was different from the headline the other day in which there was a picture of them looking happy together, but in that picture, she seemed to look younger._

_It had been a week since he had found the both of them in his bed. He was surprised the next day reading about his breakup with her, alongside a scandalous affair on page six. He wasn't so surprised that everything had exploded so soon with the press. They, including he himself were heroes, and were usually living in front of the publics' eyes._

_Severus though, made sure he kept things private to himself, not really liking be in the limelight of anything. Never had he accepted an interview with anyone, even during group interviews with the Order after the war. He was pleased that living in inside the walls of Hogwarts gave him the privacy he needed. Rarely did he have to go out for anything, unless it was something important regarding his work. There were no press and paparazzi that were able to enter the castle; his name only being mentioned in the articles, but not his picture._

_Looking at the headline again, he saw the word 'whore' and thought that labeling Hermione that was just too harsh. Then again, he didn't care. After what she had done to him, there was nothing but anger that he felt towards her. Severus was pulled away from his thoughts when he heard someone open his door, setting that paper down on the coffee table in front of him._

"_Good morning Severus," Hermione said uneasily, putting a smile on her face. She held both her hands, with her thumbs twitching against each other, feeling nervous._

"_I should change the wards so that you can't come in anymore. What are you doing here?" Severus questioned. He most definitely was not pleased seeing her. "I thought a know-it-all like you would get a clue, knowing that it's all over between us, and that includes our professional relationship. Surely someone with your qualifications as a potions mistress has no problem getting another job elsewhere." As he looked at her, he quickly took notice of how haggard she looked, with eye bags beneath her red eyes. Was she having as much sleepless nights as him?_

"_I was hoping we could talk. Things have been a little too hectic for me with the press and all. I need someone to talk to please," Hermione started to explain. "I don't know what to do, who else to go to or what to say. I honestly don't even know how it all happened."_

"_Oh don't fuck with me!" He couldn't believe his ears. She was actually lying in front of his face. "You don't know what happened? That's rich!"_

"_There's no reason to doubt my feelings for you, believe me!"_

"_It's well beyond doubt!" Severus shouted as he stood up. He ran his ringers through his air, and breathed in deeply a few times. "It's actual betrayal! I told you before; I won't be made of a fool anymore. If you want someone to talk to, why don't you talk to your little boyfriend? I'm sure he's enjoying the attention he's getting from the press. For the first time in his life, he's the headline and not Potter."_

"_Hear me out," Hermione started again. "I don't know what happened. I was drinking—" Before she could even continue, she quickly founder herself pinned slightly slammed against the wooden door. His face was mere inches away from hers._

"_How stubborn can you be you damn woman?!" Severus growled angrily. "It's over between us. It was your choice, and you slept with him. You hurt me to the highest degree. Are you happy knowing that?" He saw her tears as she started to sob, but they didn't pull at his heart like they always did before._

"_I'm happy with you Sev!" she cried._

"_I've had enough of your bullshit lies!" he spat, giving her one final shake against the door as his fingers dug deeper into her skin. He then stepped back turned on his heels, and headed back towards the couch, and stood next to it, crossing his arms over his chest. "Leave."_

"_Please, I need you now more than ever. The press has been harassing me nonstop. I have done nothing with Ron, but push him off my back every day, trying to ignore him. Harry's mad at me. There's no one else for me to turn to. Please she pleaded." If she had to go as far as begging she would._

"_Then that's your problem," Severus said. "I don't give a shit about you anymore Hermione. You broke us, and there's nothing in this world that can fix it."_

_Severus's last words hit Hermione like a bullet shooting right into her heart. He clearly made up his mind. And how could she have explained, when she herself didn't know exactly what happened? She was tired and fatigued from all the sleepless nights, and stress. She didn't have it in her to try and push Severus some more. For days, she had been fighting with everyone else, and she most certainly didn't want to end up fighting with him. He was the last person she would fight with._

_Defeated, she brought her hands to her face and cried, muffling her sounds against her hand. She turned on her feet, and reached for the door knob, running out of his chambers blinded by her tears. She never looked back, seeing a broken man close the door just after he watched her run up the stairs._

---

"… _I need you…"_

Severus made his way inside Hermione's home as the other three remained in the living room. He cursed at himself inwardly as he remembered how Hermione pleaded how she needed him. But because of his anger, he ignored her. Things would've been definitely different if he listened to her. He would've figured out right away that she was raped, not having any faults on her part. She wouldn't have suffered alone, for a long eight years.

Once opening the door to Hermione's bedroom, he was surprised to see her fast asleep in between Narcissa and Giselle, who were both awake. He frowned at the sight of Hermione as he closed the door silent behind him, wondering why she was fast asleep. He suspected her to be awake, restless as she waited for him. Then again, he figured that she might have gone out with the other two, tiring herself.

"How'd it go?" Narcissa asked in a whisper, as she and Giselle approached him.

"Not good," Severus whispered back. "The others are downstairs."

Giselle took hold of Severus's hand, and said, "Come, we must talk downstairs."

---

"How was your day?" Lucius asked as he greeted his wife, with a small peck on her cheek, after their son greeted her. "Did you manage to take Hermione out shopping?"

"We didn't go out," Narcissa replied glancing over at Giselle and Severus. "She was upset when you left, crying her eyes out. We had to give her a calming potion, and eventually, she fell asleep."

"Did anyone of you know of her plans of leaving after the project was done?" Giselle questioned.

"Leaving?" Severus frowned at her. He didn't like the sound of that.

"Yes," Giselle replied with a single nod. "She said that her plan was to leave when the project was done, and take another offer elsewhere. Something that isn't potions related, and distance herself from all of us, most especially you, in the hopes that you would come back to me. I told her we were merely friends and that the both of you belonged together. I think I did push her doubts away, but I don't know how much."

Severus walked towards the couch, sitting on its back as he started to massage his temples. Was she still trying to push him away? "Bloody hell…" he groaned tiredly.

"That's certainly some news," Alan commented. "She never mentioned anything about other offers."

Over the years Alan had known Hermione, he couldn't recall one time that she was actually happy. Even with everything he did for her, the house, the car, it was never enough. All she did was smile solemnly as she accepted them. The actual glow of happiness was never present, even during the time she became successful with Wolfsbane 6. It worried him many times before, wanting more than anything for her to be happy.

"So what wasn't good about awhile ago?" Narcissa asked, remembering what Severus said earlier. "Didn't you get to interrogate Weasley?"

"We did, but he isn't going to confess to the Ministry," Draco replied. "So, Hermione has to be the one to press charges against him."

"So you're really going to tell her then?" Giselle asked Severus.

Severus nodded. "Worst case, I'll have to show it to her," he said pulling out the pensieve vial from his black leather jacket.

"You can't be serious?!" Narcissa asked, completely shocked. "Do you know what it'll do to her?"

Severus didn't reply as he put the vial back in his pocket. He knew exactly what was going to happen. He could only hope that Hermione would refuse to see them, not wanting things to go that far and be so drastic.

"You'll have to tell her Severus," Lucius told him. "The sooner, the better. Weasley can't have the time on his side, or this time around, he might actually disappear and get away with his crime. He has to be sent to Azkaban."

"I know, I know," Severus sighed. "I'll do it sometime this week. Just keep a close eye on him until then will you Lucius. Just no more of that Pimp Daddy stuff." He said his goodbyes, and headed on upstairs.

"What's he talking about?" Narcissa frowned as she looked at her husband. Her frown deepened when she saw her son start to laugh.

"Nothing darling," Lucuis replied, glaring at his son. The Pimp Daddy subject was over, and didn't want anyone else knowing, especially his wife.

---

Upstairs, Severus stripped himself down to his boxers, placed the vial in the nightstand drawer, and lifted the bed covers, slowly sliding beneath them so as not to wake Hermione from her slumber. He pulled her close to him, spooning behind her. He felt her shift and turn, seeing her half lidded eyes.

"Sev?" Hermione murmured half asleep.

"Sleep Hermione," Severus told her softly, as he pushed away her unruly curls from her face. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Hermione was really sleepier than she was awake, and she wasn't sure she was dreaming. She snuggled closer to Severus, burying her face in the middle of his chest. A content sigh escaped her lips, as she felt a very comfortable warmth encompass her.

Closing his eyes, Severus buried his own face into her hair, inhaling its sweet scent deeply. Not only did he have to worry about telling her that she was raped, but the fact that she was planning on leaving him.

No. He wasn't going to allow it, needing her in his life. She said she loved him, and he was going to prove to her that it was only her, and no one else. He made the mistake of not listening to her, allowing her to walk away.

The last thing that came to Severus's mind before sleep over took him was his promise not to let her go.

---

AN – Sev's flashbacks are hear wrenching. I got teary eyed writing them. Please **review!**


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 27

Hermione's eyes slowly opened as she started to wake up. She soon found herself in Severus's arms in the dark, with only the street light from outside shining in a little. She frowned and turned to see what time it was on her nightstand clock, which read 3AM. As she snuggled herself against Severus again, she wondered how long she had slept. The last thing that she remembered was crying as Giselle and Narcissa comforted her.

Giselle… It was still hard for Hermione not to doubt Severus's feelings for her. It was still hard for her to accept the other witch's words, that they were truly just friends. It was hard for everything, especially when she still believed that she was the cause of their breakup. But on the other hand, it was easy to believe. Neither one of them was mad at her. Severus's happiness meant the world to Hermione. She didn't want him to regret soon after, not knowing if she could take another very heartbreak.

Hermione wrapped her arms around him, as she pulled herself completely against him. Ever since her release from the hospital, he had always slept next to her. And every morning, she always found herself in his arms. It was hard to complain and push him away during moments such as this. She was in her most favorite place in the entire world—his arms.

The sound of her stomach growling softly caught her attention. She was hungry, or rather, starving since her last meal was over twelve hours ago. She knew what she wanted, craving for some good and greasy Chinese food at a twenty-four hour place just a ride or drive away. She started to shower the side of Severus's neck with kisses, in the hopes that it was enough to wake him.

Severus's soft snore quickly turned into a grunt as his arms tightened around Hermione.

"Sev," Hermione said hesitantly. Maybe he was too tired to do anything since he helped Lucius with whatever.

"Mmm…" he moaned as he pulled away. Laying flat on his back, he let out a yawn and stretched his muscles. He turned on the light on his side before pulling Hermione back into his arms. "What is it?"

"I'm starving and I want to eat out, and have some Chinese," Hermione replied. "But if you're too tired, I'll just grab something out of the fridge."

"As a matter a fact, I'm starving too," he informed her softly as he rubbed the small of her back. He couldn't forget that he had to tell her about her rape, still not figuring out how or when. "You obviously haven't had dinner, and neither did I."

"What time did you get back?" Hermione frowned at him.

"About four in the afternoon I think. You were asleep, and I too slept, not wanting to wake you."

Hermione planted a kiss atop his heart, and pushed herself off him with her hands to his chest. "As much as I'd like to lie here with you, I really want to get going. I could eat a whole bloody horse."

The corner of Severus's mouth lifted at her demand. There was a familiar spark or glint in her eyes that he noticed that he hadn't seen in a long time. "Hermione, you know you can't over stuff yourself," he reminded her. Her stomach still healing from her gunshot wound.

"You know what I mean Sev. I know my limits. There's nothing to worry about." She gave him a firm kiss on his lips and pouted. "Can we go?"

"If we must," Severus replied with a smile. If she only knew—there was so much more to worry about. God help him when the time came to help her.

---

Since it was still in the very early hours of the morning, and with what had happened last time when Hermione had gone out in such an hour, Severus thought it best to use her car for transportation. If it wasn't so late, they could've called Lawrence, the company driver that drove for them, but no. Severus also decided that he would drive, even though he hadn't driven in awhile. He let Hermione do very little physical things, doing them himself without complaint.

They were seated at the center of the restaurant, which earlier was the only available table when they had arrived. Even though it wasn't rush hour or dinner time, the little, loud Chinese Restaurant called Mr. Fow's, always was crowded, no matter what hour.

"I didn't know you were such a bad driver," Hermione giggled as she picked up a fried dumpling with her fingers, popping it into her mouth after dipping it in her chili-soy sauce.

Earlier as Severus parked the car at the alley nearby, he couldn't see the right side of the car clearly, making him hit one hit the dumpster with the side-mirror. The poor side-mirror broke off which he cursed at as Hermione could only laugh at his expression.

"You find it funny that I destroyed your side-mirror?" Severus growled as he shook his head. He was far from angry though. She was happy, laughing and joking around. And he could only fathom the reasons why. Yesterday, she didn't seem so happy and with what the other two witches' told him, he really was clueless. "And like I said, it's been a long while since I drove."

"I can't believe you have a license! Wait, it's expired isn't it and you never renewed it?" she asked as her giggling continued.

"Quit being such a tease!" he hissed, his eyes glaring at her. He then took hold of her hand and brought it up to his cheek. "What has gotten into you?"

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, feeling the stubble that had already grown out. Along with his all black outfit with his leather jacket, it made him look all rugged and handsome.

"You're happy, giggling and teasing, like you're your old self from long ago," he answered. "You were never like this in months that we started working together."

Hermione shrugged. "Giselle talked to me yesterday. She said that things were really over between the both of you and it was best for you guys to be friends. I guess what she said pushed some of my doubts aside."

Severus moved closer towards her letting his chair stand next to hers, and with his other hand, he tucked her curls behind her ear. "Do you still doubt my feelings of you? What'll it take for me to prove myself to you? Tell me and I'll do it."

Touched by his words, Hermione placed her head on his shoulder and sighed as he held her close. "It's not you Sev, it's me," she replied. "I doubt myself, and think that I'll never be good enough for you. And I'm not just comparing myself to Giselle, but to myself—the Hermione years ago isn't the same as I am now. Like I said before, I'm not proud of who I've become."

"But you should be. I know I am," he told her softly. "You've become the greatest potions mistress ever. Your skills even have outmatched mine. Above all that, I have grown to love you more than before."

Hermione kissed him on the cheek and smiled. "I love you too."

"So, now, does it mean you aren't going to leave me anymore?" Severus asked. It was a subject he wanted to bring up, and it wasn't something so heavy and hurtful like the other subject.

Hermione pulled back, sitting up straight and frowned at him. "What do you mean? I never said anything about leaving."

"Yesterday you did, to Giselle and Narcissa," Severus spoke. "When you were mad at Giselle you said it all. Once the project was done, you'd leave me. You'd take another job offer elsewhere. One that wasn't potions related."

"Oh…" Hermione said softly, remembering what she had said yesterday. Too many things had happened over the past few weeks. She was too high on emotions and her mind wasn't clear. She forgot to think about how she was going to break the news with some people about her decision, most especially Alan and Severus. But now her mind was clear, and her decision remained the same, she still wanted to buy the farm.

Now she was faced with the dilemma of telling him about her decision. Hermione however wasn't ready to tell him or anyone yet. Many questions came to mind. How was she going to tell Alan? How was he going to take it? What about Severus? Would he follow her? Would he feel disappointed that she would leave potions and then leave her? All the questions made her nervous, especially the last one.

Never did Hermione imagine the possibility of Severus sharing her new life with her. Her life when she was to purchase Alice's business as her own. But now, she did, and for her, it seemed perfect. From Severus's point of view though, she really wasn't sure. His life wasn't only just potions, but Hogwarts, which she was sure that he would go back to when the project was done. She knew she wouldn't follow him when he would go back. She left her old life a long time ago.

"Hermione?" Severus pulled her hand to him and pulled her away from her thoughts. "I can tell you're hiding something from me. Tell me. You were never good at lying."

Hurt by what he said, Hermione pulled her hand away and looked at him with anger and hurt in her eyes. "Now you're calling me a liar?"

"I didn't mean it like that," Severus said in defense, his voice still soft. "I just was taken by surprise yesterday. I thought that things were going well between us, and you planning to leave me, well I honestly don't like it." Happiness had completely gone out the window, from one minute to the next. Regardless, he wanted to know the truth. It couldn't happen again. He couldn't lose her again.

"Well what do you want Severus?" Hermione questioned back. "I've been weighing my options for a long time, and potions doesn't fit in my life's picture anymore."

"Don't you mean me?" Severus asked. "You admitted earlier you still have some doubts. So this, you going elsewhere is just some failsafe plan in case we don't work out, admit it. Tell me the entire truth, don't hold anything back."

"Like I said, I'm not the same as before," Hermione hissed lowly so as not to cause a scene. "Just because things have been peachy between us these past few weeks doesn't mean that I'll completely open myself up to you. We can't just continue from where we left off before. And the reason why I don't tell you the entire truth is because it'll hurt." She threw her napkin on the table and pushed herself off.

Severus groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair. He knew exactly what she meant. There was nothing more painful than the truth.

---

The ride back home wasn't the same as the ride going to Mr. Fow's. Instead of it being a joyous one filled with conversation, it was a silent one filled with tension between the two. Hermione refused to look at Severus with her arms crossed on her chest the entire time. One attempt, he tried to reach for a hand, only to be shrugged off.

"I guess it would be wrong of me to ask you the truth, when I myself haven't been truthful to you," Severus said as he tossed his leather jacket on the back of one the stools surrounding the kitchen island. Earlier while driving, he had made his mind up that he was going to tell Hermione the truth. Like he said, it wasn't fair for him not to be truthful, and he wanted nothing more but to be fair and honest with her.

Hermione stopped at the doorway on the way to the living room, and turned to face Severus. Still angry at him, she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "What are you going to tell me now? That you still have feelings for Giselle? Is she your failsafe just in case we don't work out?"

"Please," Severus growled angrily and in irritation. "Can you just believe for once that Giselle and I are over, because what I am about to tell you has absolutely nothing to do with her. Everything that I've done over the weeks and months has just been all about you and no one else."

"Fine," Hermione said, as she leaned on the door frame. She was in no mood to listen. The sun was just about to rise, and she wanted to take a shower to start the day hoping that she could get to work, if Severus permitted. She was having enough of him saying no to a lot of things and needed to get the project done.

Severus made his way towards her, and took hold of her elbow. "I think it's best that you should sit," he told her.

Hermione pulled away from him. "I'm tired of you telling me what to do."

"Just… please Hermione," he asked softly, his anger gone. He rationalized that there was no point for him to be angry at this time. "Please, just sit."

Hermione gave in to what he asked, walking past him and sitting herself down on one of the stools. As she stared at him, her arms remained where they were as she waited impatiently for him to tell her whatever he had to tell her.

As Severus moved around to the opposite side of the island, he was nervous. He hadn't figured out how to lay the truth down softly for her. There was no soft way. Rape was a subject that was far from soft—hard and hurtful to be exact. As he leaned on his stretched arms, he took a deep breath before he began. "It wasn't Lucius who needed help yesterday," he started. "It was me. I asked him, Draco and Alan to track down someone some time ago since I was here, busy taking care of you."

"And who is this someone?" Hermione asked, slightly intrigued as to who he had to track.

"Ronald Weasley."

"Shit," Hermione cursed as she rolled her eyes. Her intrigue had completely gone out the window. "I don't want to know anything about Ron. Never have Severus. Never will. I don't want to talk or even hear about him. She stood up quickly and was going to make her way out.

"He raped you," Severus suddenly said. Since there was no way she was going to listen to him, it was best to get straight to the point.

Hermione suddenly stopped on the spot and turned on her feet. "What?" she asked in shock.

"I said, he raped you…"

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AN – I know, evil me with an evil cliffy. Sorry for the delay in updating. My bunnies have decided to work on one of the many WIPs that I haven't posted, which would be one of my LMHG ones. And not to mention new plot ideas for possible stories. Anyways, you know what to do my darlings. Please leave a **review!**


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

Chapter 28

Hermione stood frozen in place and blinked several times as her brain tried to process what Severus had just told her. But it didn't process because it didn't make sense to her. Ron raped her? "I don't know what you're getting at," she stated and walked into the living room.

"Hermione!" Severus called, walking after her.

"If this is some sort of sick joke Severus, I suggest you stop!" she shouted at him as she made her way up the stairs.

"You think I'd be joking about something like this?" he asked aloud. Once they had entered the bedroom, he grabbed her arm roughly but not hurtfully and dragged her towards the bed. "Could you just sit still for a bloody moment?"

"Why the fuck did you say that Ron raped me?" she shouted up at him as he crossed her legs on the bed.

Severus knelt down on the floor, and placed his hands on her thighs. He knew exactly what was wrong with her. She was in complete denial of the truth as she had been for over eight years. The time had come to push that denial away. "You said so yourself that the thought crossed your mind," he told her calmly. "And that you were too nice just to press charges."

"Yeah? Well, I was wrong," Hermione stated stubbornly as she crossed her arms. "Friends don't rape their friends. Ron's my friend. He wouldn't rape me."

"Then why say something like that when you didn't even want to talk about him earlier?" She was contradicting herself—another sign of denial. "If he really was your friend, you wouldn't mind talking about him, but you don't cause of what he did to you."

"We slept together. I admitted that already!" she said in irritation. "How many times do you want me to say it? Are you going to have it hanging over my head for the rest of my life?" She turned her head away feeling her eyes get teary. The guilt of her mistake grew stronger, making her feel worse.

Severus watched Hermione for a moment, seeing her arms move to hug herself. It was her usual defense mechanism. "But he did Hermione. He took advantage of you when you were clearly intoxicated. You yourself said that you don't remember anything, only to wake up the next morning naked, next to him. If he was really your friend, or a true gentleman at any point, he should've just left you to sleep, but he didn't."

"I was too drunk to fight for myself," she croaked. "So I let it happen."

"Hermione, you didn't fight him off. Even if you tried, you couldn't." He placed a hand to her cheek and made her look at him. He saw her eyes filled with tears, and didn't want to see them run down her cheeks, but he knew he would very soon. "He drugged you that night, slipping some pills into your beer. While he was… taking you, you thought it was me."

"How do you know that?" she asked. She knew that Ron wouldn't admit to doing bad things at all. He was worse than stubborn, wanting only to maintain his 'reputable image' which for Hermione, she thought was a load of crap. She was never one to care for reputation. It was highly overrated. "He would never admit to such a thing."

"I saw his memories by using Legilimens," Severus informed her. When she didn't say anything, but saw her attention still at him, he continued. "We—Lucius, Alan, Draco and I tried to beat it out of him, but he wouldn't. So the only thing I did was get inside his brain and stored those memories of that night. You're very correct. He would never admit to doing such a thing. That is why I'm asking you now, with the use of his memories, you can press charges since he won't admit to his criminal actions towards you. Then he can go to Azkaban." When she didn't respond again, he sat back on his haunches and looked up at her worriedly. "Hermione, you have to press charges against him. I beg of you. If it's anyone that deserves punishment with what happened years ago, it's him, not you. If I could have things done my way, I would kill him for what he did to you. Hermione, please, say something."

Hermione bit her bottom lip as she thought really hard. Besides the doubt and the disbelief, no, it was the denial; a million questions were going through her head. Other than that, fear was rushing through her veins. Could she or couldn't she handle the truth? That was the million galleon question.

"If you're thinking that he was a friend, then that's one lousy friend," Severus added. "Friends don't take advantage of friends and it most certainly shouldn't rape them. Ron Weasely was anything but a friend. He was a lying bastard and like a cockroach, slipped through the cracks and got away. But you can't let him get away this time, not when we know the truth." He gulped continuing to see her fight the truth with the tears streaming down her cheeks, still avoiding eye contact from him.

"Are the memories with you now?" Hermione asked as her voice broke.

With a nod, Severus stood up and walked around the bed towards the other nightstand to retrieve them. When he came back to her, he showed them in his palm as he held it out towards her. "All you have to do is give me the yes, and I will call for Kingsley immediately. I don't think that your memories will be needed as these show more than enough. What is your decision Hermione?"

Tentatively, Hermione reached out for the vials. As soon her as her fingers went around them, Severus's hold was around hers. "I need to see what's in them," she told him as she looked up at him, her eyes pleading in silence.

"Don't Hermione," Severus said as his jaw tightened as well as his hold on her. He would do anything but allow her to see the memories. Part of him wanted to rip the vials away from her hand, but he knew that if he did, he would hurt her for she was holding onto them tightly. "I don't think you should see them at all. Please, don't do it."

"Please Severus," Hermione pleaded. "I need to see them to believe it."

"Then just take my word for it."

"I can't! Don't you get it? I _need _to do this," she stated firmly, though her voice was still shaky.

"Hermione, these memories are painful to see, maybe too much for you," Severus informed her. He wasn't going to lie, not about something like this. But if he could, he would, not wanting her to hurt. She had been hurt more than enough. He knelt down on his knees, and pulled her forward, making her brow lean against his. "Ask me for the moon and the stars, but don't ask me to show them to you. I _won't_ show them to you."

Hermione closed her eyes, and with her free hand, she placed it behind his neck, allowing her fingers to feel the softness of his hair. She knew Severus was being over protective as he always was. "You don't understand. It's not your decision to make. I have to do this."

"You're right, I don't understand," he said softly, embracing her around her waist with an arm. "I already am telling you it's terrible to see, and yet you still want to. Why?"

"I… I can't explain Severus, not now. All I know is that I have to see them. Let me!"

"Don't you understand that I won't let you?" he growled. "You've been hurt far too much. And I love you too damned much to let you hurt some more." He tried to tug at the vials but she still had a firm grip on them. "You are being stubborn woman!"

"You love me despite my stubbornness. Please…"

Severus knew she was right. Despite her stubbornness, he still loved her no matter what. And with that, he also knew that she wasn't going to take no for an answer until she got what she wanted. In fact, he himself was stubborn, and sometimes when their stubbornness clashed with each other, it always led into fighting. Fighting however was something that neither of them could deal with, most especially Hermione. With a defeated sigh, he kissed her lips gently and let go of his hold on her hand.

"Thank you for understanding," Hermione whispered nervously. Suddenly her heart started to beat faster. She was going to see what was in the vials soon enough, and she was very scared—more scared than she had ever been in her life. Thankfully, she had Severus at her side, which may have made her nervousness ease somewhat, but she decided that she had to do things alone. She had to face her demons—the truth. "I'm going to transfigure a pensieve in the attic upstairs since there is more space," she stated as she stood up.

"Okay," Severus replied as he too stood up and again wrapped his arm around her. He was just about ready to lead them upstairs until she distanced herself from him.

"No Severus," Hermione said as she placed a hand to his chest. "This is something I need to do alone."

"What?" he asked back in anger and shock. It was the second unexpected and unwanted surprise he had in the past few minutes. First Hermione wanted to see the memories, and the next, she wanted to do them alone. "Why would you want to do such a thing?"

"It's another have to," Hermione answered. "I wish I could explain the reasons why now, but I can't. But I know I have to see these memories alone."

"I can never change your mind once it's made up," Severus sighed as he shook his head.

Hermione tiptoed on her toes and kiss Severus gently on his lips. "Thank you. You have no idea how much I love you."

"I love you too," Severus said, before he watched her walk out of the room. Part of him was afraid that he was going to lose her yet again. He was afraid that once she saw the truth herself, it would finally push her towards the edge. But like she asked, she needed to do things on her own. All he could do was wait and be there for her later on.

Hermione stared at the pensieve and the memories that she just recently poured in. the attic was dark, and the only light in the room came from the bright liquid of the pensieve. For minutes, she could only stand and watched the black cloudy liquid of the memories float. She felt as if she was standing atop the edge of a boat over the deepest parts of the ocean, just about ready to take a plunge. She could feel her heart beat quickly, sounding like drums from within her. It also felt as if she was about to swim without a tank or life vest of sorts. Would she drown?

Without another second or question of thought, she took a deep breath, and leaned into the pensive until she felt herself get sucked in.

AN – My apologies again for a very delayed update. Good news, I finally got a new laptop. Bad news… life is still in the way and I will be moving to a new place. No promises, but I think I'll have something up sooner than this last update. With regards to the cliffy, you know me… **Review!**


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

Chapter 29

Everything seemed to go into slow motion as Hermione watched memory Ron carry her memory self into Severus's bedroom. Awhile ago, she watched silently in anger as he drugged her drink. But now, she could no longer be silent as she watched him start to take her.

"Fight him dammit!" Hermione shouted to her memory self. "Fight!" She tried to look into her own eyes, as she continued to shout with burning tears rolling down her cheeks. "Can't you see what he's doing to you? Can't you? It isn't Severus! Do something!" Having seen enough, she tried to tackle Ron off her, only to go through him. Looking back, she decided to try and give him another go, and again, she went through him and fell towards the floor.

She was helpless. There was nothing she could do. Looking up, she saw Ron throw his head back with a grunt as he ejaculated inside her. She saw his satisfied smirk and shook her head. Within her chest, she started to feel the most indescribable pain that she had ever felt in her life. Her best friend had taken advantage of her and violated her in the worst way possible. All she did was hug her knees close to herself as she continued to watch the rest of the memory in tears.

When all was said and done, the memory stopped at the end, stilling right after she watched herself walk out of Severus's chambers. She rewound the memory just a bit, until the part when Severus stormed out of the room, after she had tripped. Curious as to see how he looked like at that moment, she walked in front of memory Severus who had stopped midstride.

Hermione looked into the deep black eyes that she loved so much. She gasped softly when she saw unshed tears upon them. She also saw much emotion within them. Most of it being anger and pain, but he wasn't to blame. She reached up and tried to gently cup his face in her hand, wishing that she was actually touching him. She also wished that she could take away his pain at that moment. Not only could she see his pain, but she could feel it. Even though the truth had become known to her, there was still a part of her that blamed herself.

"You didn't believe me," she said tearfully. "And yet I still broke your heart." Without another word, she made her way back into the bedroom and avoided stepping or going through her sprawled form. However, she didn't do the same with Ron's, making it disappear into a black cloudy mist.

Hermione lay herself down on the bed, on the side where she was last, which was her side of the bed, avoiding the space in which Ron slept on. She could only feel the soft fabric of the bed, placing a hand on the pillow in front of her. She may have not been able to smell it, but she knew how it smelled like, knowing Severus's scent all too well. Instead of remembering Ron there in front of her, she imagined Severus.

Severus's chambers, most especially the bed in which Hermione was lying on had a lot of memories. For her, it was the place where magical and wonderful memories happened. She and Severus made love on the bed numerous times. Most of all, it was the bed in which she gave herself to him. It was her first time and she had given her heart along with it. In Severus's case, it was also the first time where he gave his heart openly to someone. Ironically, the bed was also the place where the worst things had happened, breaking the both of them apart.

Alone, Hermione cried, wishing that things were different… wishing that she wasn't so stupid.

Severus paced back and forth between Hermione's bedroom door, and the bottom of the stairs that led up to the attic. He was more than worried. At least an hour and a half had passed since Hermione had gone up on her own.

Numerous questions ran through his mind. Did she see it? Did she trap herself inside the memory, hurting herself as she relived it again and again? Or did she ditch him without him even knowing, apperating from the rooftop garden? Having waited long enough, he finally decided to run up to her. He had a feeling that something had gone wrong.

Once inside the memory, he stopped and found himself standing in front of his memory self. With a snap of his fingers, he watched himself fade to black dust along with the memory Hermione that was sprawled on the floor. He listened to the silence until he heard a sniffle come from his bedroom.

"Hermione?" Severus called out to her softy as he made his way towards the bed. He lay himself down in front of her, his chest tightening at the sight of her tired eyes and dried tears. He tried to pull her into his arms, but was surprised when she stiffened and pushed him away.

"He raped me," Hermione said softly. Her voice broken and distant. "He was my best friend and he raped me. And… you left me."

Severus gulped at her words, and felt his chest tighten. "Hermione…" he whispered. "I'm sorry, but I'm here now, and I will never leave your side. I will never doubt your feelings again, I promise. I know, I owe it to you, and I will do whatever you want me to, to prove my love for you. Even if it takes a lifetime, I will prove it. But let me tell you now," he cupped her face in his hands, "I love you with all that I am."

Hermione pulled away, and broke eye contact with him and bent her head forward as she traced patterns on the soft sheets in the space between them. "Your home, this room, this bed, holds a lot of special memories for me," she started to explain. "Do you remember our first time we made love—my first time?"

"Yes," was all Severus could reply with.

"I remember it like it was yesterday. Many of the times we made love here or anywhere, I remember." She pondered back on the many memories and happy times that she and Severus had. It seemed so long ago, like she had lived another life, a much happier one. "I also remember everything about the way your things were organized." She looked directly at him and then asked, "Last time I was here in your chambers, you kicked me out. Is it still the same?"

"Mostly everything is the same. I changed the bed soon after you left and burned the sheets," Severus informed her. "I shouldn't have kicked you out. Instead, I should've let you explain. It was wrong of me to treat you the way I did, especially when you needed me."

Hermione shrugged. There was nothing else to say. The past couldn't be undone or rewritten. Ron was still on her mind, and the pain of him came full force. Too weak to fight her tears, her shoulders started to shake. "He ra-raped me!" she bawled.

Hesitantly, Severus reached out to pull her into his arms, afraid that she was going to push him away. When she didn't, he held onto her tightly as she cried into his chest. He kissed her head as he tried to sooth and comfort her as best as he could.

Hermione looked directly at Severus as she lifted her head to look at him. "This place has the best memories of my life, and also the worst. Were you truly happy with me so many years ago?"

Severus was shocked at her question. It was something that was definitely unexpected. "Of course I was happy with you. In fact, those were the days were I've been happiest all my life," he replied, brushing away her unruly curls. "And I am happy now. I have you again."

Hermione only cried harder as his words touched her heart. Her hands fisted on the sides of his shirt as she held onto him tightly as she cried into his chest again. In a span of less than an hour and a half, her life had changed. For years she had lived a life, a life that ultimately was false because of denial.

For years she believed that she was the only one to blame for everything, but obviously, Ron was the one to blame as well. Still, she didn't stop feeling guilty, and she only felt worse. She felt stupid. Why didn't she see it? Was she blind? Yes, she may have thought about it being rape once, but only once. Why did she ignore it and not think about it further? She lived in pain all these years, and there was no one to blame but herself.

Hermione pulled herself away from Severus, fighting her urge to want nothing more than to be in his arms. She sat up and wiped her runny nose with the back of her hand, not being able to look at him. "I'll press charges, I just don't want to see him… I don't think I can."

"Very well," Severus said as he too sat up, frowning at her sudden change of behavior. "I'll call for Kingsley later on."

"Okay," Hermione said softly as she stood up, and made herself go back into the real world.

Severus cursed softly under his breath, and went after her.

Once Hermione reached the bar in the living room, she reached for her favored drink, not bothering for a glass. Quickly she untwisted the cap and gulped down a few gulps. She flinched slightly at the burning sensation not only at the back of her throat, but her stomach as well.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Severus asked in shock and anger as he stopped her from taking another drink. "You know you aren't supposed to drink. Your stomach can't handle it." He didn't miss her flinch.

"Screw my stomach!" Hermione hissed angrily and pulled her drink away from his hold. "I need my fucking drink!" she spat before taking another few gulps. Gods how she missed the taste, and how it started to make her feel. She needed to feel numb from all emotion as she tried to drink it away.

"I know you're hurting Hermione, but drinking isn't the solution," Severus stated calmly as best as he could.

"Who are you? My fucking preacher?"

"Let me help you." Severus grabbed a hold of her as she tried to walk away with the bottle. "We're not done—" He shut his eyes as he felt the painful sting of her hand meeting his cheek. When he opened his eyes, he blinked in shock several times, trying to register what had just happened. Never in the past had she struck him physically at any point when they were arguing. Yes, there were the occasional hits here and there, but they were only playful. The slap he just received though was a completely different story.

"If I needed your help, you'd know," she answered back through clenched teeth. "Now, I am telling you, not asking you to let me go and let me be." Hermione looked directly at him with angry eyes. She didn't feel a single bit guilty of striking him at all. All she wanted and needed was to be alone with her old friend Jack.

Defeated, Severus let go of her hand without saying another word. What was there to say when she clearly demanded what she needed? Surely he didn't agree with her being alone, but it was what she wanted. Things had gotten from bad to worse, and if he pushed her any further, he knew that it would only worsen.

He watched her run upstairs as he rubbed his cheek with one hand. He had allowed her to be alone for now, but only planned to stay a few feet away from her just in case need be. Hopefully she wouldn't do anything else like plan to kill herself again. No, he'd be watching her closely even from a distance.

There was nothing else for him to do but to inform Kingsley and the others of Hermione's decision to press charges. And maybe in a few hours or so, she would ask him to hold her, as he should've done many years ago.

AN – The pain! Typed this up as I watched the movers load things up into a truck. I'm wondering what happened to my little divider lines in my previous chapters and stories. Only noticed recently that they were missing. **Review!**


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

* * *

Chapter 30

Severus sat in the window chair as he stared at Hermione's sleeping form on the bed. The sun had risen a few hours ago, but he hadn't gotten a single bit of sleep. He couldn't, thinking that Hermione would be able to do something without him knowing.

It had been a long night for both of them, most especially her. All he did was stand near her slightly open door way as she drank her bottle on her bedroom floor. He heard her sob and curse. But he really didn't know what she was cursing about. Yes, it may have been towards Weasley, but he was sure there was something more to it. As he stood and listened, he wished she spoke a little more, but she was silent most of the time. He hated her silent moments and not knowing what was on her mind. He hoped things would change when she would awaken. He wanted to be near her, hold her, and comfort her. However, he dared not to, respecting her space and not wanting to push her the wrong way. With the way she was acting last night, he started to question himself yet again. Was he the right man to make her whole again?

Hermione's health and well being meant everything to Severus. He wanted everything that was best for her, and would do everything in his power to make things better for her, even if it meant to sacrifice himself. Over the weeks however, his doubts about himself of whether he was the best man for her didn't go away, and recently did they only grow and get worse.

Severus had done everything in his power to prove his love to Hermione and try to make her happy. Yet, it didn't seem like it was enough. Last night, he tried everything to try and convince Hermione that she shouldn't see the memories. He told her the truth and nothing more. What more did she have to see? He knew it would hurt her, and even warned her. But still, she was stubborn and looked at them. When she was done, and had gone back to her drinking, he felt more than guilty. In fact, he felt useless. His word wasn't good enough. He begged her not to drink and that wasn't good enough, still feeling the sting from her slap. All in all, he didn't feel good enough for her, and wondered if he would ever be again.

"Whazat?" Hermoine murmured angrily at the sound of the doorbell as it rang painfully against her eardrums. "Fucking turn it off!" She grabbed one of the pillows and placed it on her head as she buried herself underneath the sheets. Obviously, she was still in an angry mood, accompanied with a nasty hangover.

Severus knew who was at the front door. Without another word, he stood up and left the room, closing the door silently behind him.

* * *

"You look like shit," Draco commented to Severus as he stepped into the house along with his parents, Alan, Giselle and Kingsley.

"Hush Draco!" Narcissa scolded him. "And please learn when to keep inappropriate comments to yourself."

"Bad night?" Lucius asked Severus as he and everyone else hung their coats up on the coat rack. He had to agree with his son, Severus did look terrible.

"After realizing the truth, Hermione decided to drink herself off the entire night," Severs sighed as he shook his head.

"She went drinking again?" Alan asked, and saw Severus nod. "She isn't supposed to, and she knows that."

"I tried, but you know how Hermione is—stubborn and all," Severus replied. "After seeing the memories, she got—"

"Wait," Lucius interrupted him. "She _saw _the memories of what actually happened that night?"

Again, Severus nodded in reply.

"How could you allow that?" Narcissa asked in anger and shock. "Really Severus, you should know better than that. Surely telling her the truth was good enough."

"You think I wanted her to see those horrible memories?" Severus said firmly, his voice becoming dangerously low. "I told her the truth, but it wasn't good enough. Her denial was stronger than that, so she urged that she see them, and see them alone. For years she was so bent on the truth that Weasley would never hurt her because friends don't hurt each other. And all the while, all these years, she blamed herself because she believed that she cheated on me, when it was _I _that didn't want to believe her. I'm the one who's at fault here, not her!" he continued. "I'm—"

"Alright, that's enough my friend," Lucius said as he stepped in front of Severus, placing a hand on his shoulder. He could see that the man was about to lose it. His ranting and anger was already evident, and if it continued on, it wouldn't do anyone well. Most of all, he was surprised with what he had just heard. Hermione was blaming herself and he too was blaming himself. "There's no one else to blame but Weasley," he said firmly. "Your anger should be directed at him and no one else, most especially not you or Hermione for that matter."

Severus ground his teeth before apologizing to Narcissa. Lucius had a point, but he still couldn't help it but blame himself. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the memory vials, handing them to Kingsley. "She's agreed to press charges, but has asked for a request."

"Anything that is within my power," Kingsley replied.

"She doesn't want to face Weasley. She doesn't think that she can," Severus explained. "Honestly, I don't think that she can either."

"Done," the Minister agreed. "The memories are good enough since I am told they show everything of what happened that night. The trial will be quick—no bail, no option out. It's straight to Azkaban for him. And for not admitting it himself, and drugging her, he gets life sentence."

"Good," Severus said as he leaned back against the side of the couch. Before he could say anything else, he heard a loud thud coming from upstairs. Thinking that Hermione had fallen, or worse, he immediately bolted upstairs with everyone following him.

* * *

Hermione let out a groan as she clutched at her stomach, curled up in a fetal position. With her eyes closed shut, she tried to breathe normally, but it hurt too much. Her stomach hurt, her head hurt, basically everything hurt.

This morning would have been categorized as the worst hangover she had ever had in her life, but she knew better. Yes, she did have a bad hangover, but it only felt worse because of her stomach pains, which of course was alcohol related, but not towards her hangover.

As Hermione tasted the bile on her tongue, and felt the contents of her stomach rise up her throat, she scrambled off her bed as fast as she could, only to have her feet get caught up in her blanket. She fell, painfully down on the floor catching herself with her hands and knees. Though it hurt, she quickly got on her feet and ran towards the bathroom, skidding towards the toilet as she went on her knees. Making it just in time, Hermione let out a painful and horrible sound as she vomited into the bowl. She tasted the bile and acid along with something else.

"She's bleeding!" Severus said aloud as he knelt right next to Hermione, and held her hair back.

Lucius ran inside the bathroom, and opened the medicine cabinet, seeing a number of potions that were prescribed to Hermione, but he didn't know exactly which one. "Is it the blue one?" he asked.

"The purple one is for the bleeding," Severus replied. He soon was handed the potion along with another which was for hangovers.

"Can you all bloody hell turn down the volume!" Hermione complained just before she continued vomiting. Once she stopped, she looked into the bowl, and more of her blood. It wasn't a lot, but some streaks of it, still she was bleeding. Her stomach continued to hurt like a bitch as she tried to vomit some more, but there was nothing coming out anymore. She felt get pulled away from the bowl, and turned to lean against the wall as she remained seated on the floor.

With a slightly wet towel in hand, Severus wiped Hermione's brow with it, and frowned with concern. "Is it all out, or do you still need to vomit?"

"I'm good," Hermione replied as she looked behind Severus's shoulder. When she saw numerous eyes looking at her, she let out a groan and closed hers. She felt bad, not just physically, but emotionally was well, and that is what hit her the most. "Wha—" she asked when she felt something against her lips. But she couldn't speak further when a potion was poured into her mouth.

"And here's another for your hangover," Severus informed her, making her drink down another potion.

The taste didn't cooperate with Hermione's taste buds. The first potion tasted disgusting. "The first one tasted like shit!" she complained as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"It will help with the bleeding. Does your stomach still hurt? Do you want to go to the hospital? Un-second thought, maybe we should go to the hospital," Severus said, answering his own question. He took hold of Hermione's arm to help her up, but was shoved away. "Hermione…" he urged.

"I said I was good," Hermione said as she massaged her brow, feeling the throbbing in her head ebb away. The pain in her stomach also started to fade away. Sadly, there was no potion that could help her with her emotional pain. She thought about getting another bottle of her beloved Jack Daniel's, but decided not to. The bleeding somewhat scared her, and she didn't want to go to the hospital. "I've had enough of hospitals," she sniffled, tucking her arms to herself, as she tried to crouch away from Severus and everyone.

Severus saw her body language, and like last night, didn't want to push at Hermione's buttons. Instead, he sat back down on his feet and just looked at her.

Hermione turned her head away as she felt the burning sensation of tears. She knew she was going to cry, but was too ashamed to show it. She couldn't stop it if she tried. As she started to, she thought to herself how stupid she was, and how people would think the same way of her.

For eight years, she had lived a lie, believing that she had messed her life up when she had betrayed Severus. But, her life wasn't just messed up, it was fucked up, and in the worst way possible. The death of her parents, handled. Heartbreak with Severus, she barely handled. But this… _rape?_ The pain she was feeling inside was the worst kind of emotional pain she had felt in her entire life. How was she going to handle?

"He raped me…" she croaked.

"And he will get what he deserves Hermione. That I can promise you," Kingsley vowed.

"You're over eight years too late," Hermione spoke, still not turning to face anyone. "How can I get that back? How can I get my life back?" she asked herself out loud, and they all heard her.

"We can help you Hermione, let _me_ help you," Severus answered.

Hermione shook her head. As the tears continued to flow, the bathroom suddenly seemed smaller. She felt her chest begin to tighten. She pulled at her shirt with a fisted hand, and tried to take in slow breaths.

Giselle stepped into the bathroom, and knelt down in front of her. "Hermione, may I suggest that we go out of town and go someplace else, and have a small vacation. Hopefully it will help you get your mind off things," she said. "Severus has mentioned that you like ros—"

Hermione immediately pushed herself from the wall and up the floor. Giselle had taken the words right out of her mouth. She startled the French woman as she leapt over her, hurrying out of the bathroom. She grabbed her cell from her nightstand and started to dial a number as she walked into her walk-in closet, ignoring everyone. "Yeah, it's me," she spoke. "How's later? Great, I'll be there in a few."

Severus frowned as he watched Hermione grab a bunch of clothes, stuffing them into a duffel bag. Where was she going? And most importantly, who in the world was she talking to? "Hermione, what are you doing?" he asked as he approached her. He held her hand, making her stop. "Where are you going?"

Hermione pulled her hand away. No, he wasn't going to touch her, or else she would give in. "I'm taking Giselle's advice, and I'm going to take a very much needed vacation. You hear that Alan?" she asked her employer, not looking back at him. She wasn't asking him permission. She was going to do it right now, this very minute.

"Sure Hermione," Alan answered. He then gestured everyone out to follow him, and give the two some privacy.

Severus couldn't wait another second of not knowing. He grabbed hold of her, and made her turn around to face him, slightly pushing her back against the closet. "Hermione, calm down for a moment and talk to me."

"Don't touch me!" she told him.

Slowly, and surprisingly, Severus did as told and let her go. Fear was in her eyes. Was she really afraid of him? "Now, please tell me exactly where you're going?" he asked calmly. "The vacation that Giselle was talking about was something related to her work. She was hoping that you'd like to come along with Narcissa and all."

"No!" Hermione said suddenly, shoving past him. "I'm going to take a vacation on my own. I need some time alone."

"I don't really think that's a good idea," Severus told her.

Hermione didn't say anything as she grabbed her wand, and cast a spell on herself. Her night clothes disappeared and were quickly replaced with a clean shirt and a pair of cargo shorts. With one final check of the contents of her duffel bag, she pulled out a few things from the nightstand drawer, and stuffed them in her pockets. Once ready, she placed the bag on her shoulder and walked out of the room without another word.

"Can you at least tell me where you're going?" Severus asked following her down the stairs. He didn't want her to be alone, too concerned for her and her safety. Obviously, she had made up her mind, and he was going to respect that decision as it seemed he had no other choice. When they had reached the garage, he had yet gotten an answer from her. "Dammit Hermione say something!" he growled as she threw her bag into her Mini, strapping herself in, and starting the ignition.

Hermione looked over at Severus, who was leaning against the driver's door. "I'll see you when I see you Severus," she told him. With the garage door open, she reversed as quick as she could, driving out of the house.

"Hermione!" Severus shouted after her as he tried to run after her, barefooted, still wearing his pajamas and undershirt. He shouted her name again, watching her drive away. Evidently, in a matter of seconds, he had given up. There was no way he was going to catch up to her. As soon as she rounded a corner, away from his sight, he turned on his feet and made his way back to the house.

Where was she going to go?

* * *

It was the fastest that Hermione had ever driven to Alice's, cutting her usual time by an hour. Once she stopped in front of the Inn, she saw Alice herself waiting for her, along with Dean.

The smile on Alice's face faded, once she saw Hermione's face, and her tears. "Hermione, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly when Hermione had gotten out of her car.

Hermione could only shake her head as sob broke out from her lips. As soon as Alice's arms went around her for a hug, she fainted.

* * *

AN – Evil cliffy or not? Please **review** my lovelies. :)


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

Chapter 31

* * *

Hermione twisted the soft cotton fabric between her fingers as she reached the ending of her story—the explanation to Alice, Dean and Philippe, who were all in her room. Earlier, when she had woken up, only remembering her brief arrival the night before, she knew she had to tell them what happened, and hopefully get some weight of her chest. After telling them the story from the beginning over eight years ago, to what transpired the night before, some weight had barely got off her chest. She still felt as if the whole world was still pressing down on her.

"So that's the end of it… my life so far," she sniffled as tears continued to flow out from her eyes.

"Oh, Hermione," Alice said sadly and went to her side immediately. She pulled her into a hug and comforted her with soothing words. "It's alright dear, just let it all out. Things will get better, just you wait." No doubt, she was shocked with all the information, just like Dean and Philippe. She and the two of them could do nothing but support her fully, and give her as much comfort as need be.

It was obvious that everyone knew that Hermione had some sort of pain and sadness. However, this pain, this sadness—rape, gunshot, and more… unbelievable is what it was, even hearing it from the horse's mouth itself. Hermione didn't deserve such suffering, as she was one of the kindest and nicest person's in the whole world. Evidently, tears from Alice's eyes also started to fall.

The hug between Hermione and Alice was disrupted when Bacon jumped on the bed, and came to Hermione whimpering. Hermione pulled away and smiled at him as he licked her cheek for awhile before, placing his head on her breast.

"So now we all know why he was whimpering and crying only after you left," Dean commented as he sat himself down on the other side of the bed. "For about a week, the little tyke kept on howling at night. He gave Bacon a pet on his back and smiled when the dog looked at him. "You knew all the while didn't you buddy? You knew that she was in trouble."

Hermione gently planted a kiss atop Bacon's head. She felt some slight happiness despite all her troubled emotions. No matter what, the dog had quite an effect on her. It amazed her that the he could feel her and know that she was in trouble, like he had some sort of connection to her.

"So, do you love this Severus?" Alice asked, wanting to ask the question minutes ago, finally having a name to the man. But she already knew the answer, seeing it all in Hermione's eyes.

"I do." Hermione swallowed hard before she continued. "He wants me back… he says he loves me, but I can't help feeling that he deserves better. I mean look at me," she said through her tears. "Who would want me, all broken and all?"

"If he can see what we see, which I'm pretty sure he does because you say he said he loves you, then why push him away?" Philippe questioned with his thick French accent.

"Then he is a fool that is blinded by love," Hermione argued.

Philippe shook his head, in disagreement like the other two. "Sorry, but he isn't the blinded fool."

Feeling defeated, Hermione hugged a pillow to herself, and lay down sideward's, looking at Bacon, who whimpered at her. She felt him lick her cheek, trying to cheer her up, but it did nothing this time around. All her emotions were conflicting with each other. Most of all, there was hatred towards herself.

"We'll give you some time alone," Alice said softly as she stood up from the bed. "I'll just let Sheila bring up something for you."

"Keep an eye on her buddy," Dean told Bacon as he patted his head affectionately.

Soon enough, Hermione was left alone, deep in her thoughts.

* * *

_Severus and Hermione were seated across from each other, both of them were leaning against the armrests of the couch as their legs were tangled between them. There was a silence between them that had been there for about an hour as they each had their noses in the reading material in front of them. Hermione had a romance novel, while Severus had his monthly potions journal._

"_Something's bothering you Sev, I can tell," Hermione spoke, not taking her eyes off her reading._

"_How would you know?" he questioned back, frowning behind his journal._

"_You haven't turned a page in the past twenty minutes," she replied back. When she had finished a paragraph she bookmarked her place, and set her book aside on the coffee table. "You aren't a slow reader at all. Usually you turn a page every five minutes or so."_

_Severus sighed softly. She knew him all too well._

"_Talk to me," Hermione coaxed him as she rubbed her foot slightly against his outer right thigh. "Come on, what's troubling you?"_

_Severus placed his journal on his lap and finally answered. "What do you see in me Hermione?" It was a question that he wanted to ask since the first day they were together. "I mean really, just look at me?" He slumped his head back against the arm rest, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling his migraine get worse._

_From across him, Hermione blinked several times as she tried to process what had just happened, not quite believing her ears. Did he really just ask that question? Was there still doubt in him towards his feelings for her? Obviously, that was still the case. Then she remembered the article about them coming out in the Daily Prophet just earlier that day._

'_Beauty and the Beast' was the major title that was printed on page six. Beneath its bold letters was a picture of the both of them, walking hand in hand down Diagon Alley as they did some shopping yesterday. The article had stated that Hermione was the 'Beauty' and Severus was the 'Beast.' Harsh words for a harsh story, but not surprising since the story was written by Rita Skeeter herself. She was one journalist that didn't seek the truth, but write things by twisting some things around creating a bigger story, one that was more intriguing for the public. They wanted to know everything about their heroes, and the more intriguing the story, the more money the paper made._

_Maneuvering herself on her knees, Hermione made her way towards Severus, tossed the journal aside on the table, and settled herself on his lap as she straddled him. She placed her fingertips at his temples and started to massage them in a clockwise motion. "The article has gotten to you hasn't it?" she asked softly._

"_I'd be lying if I said no," Severus answered, loving the feel of her fingers. He could feel his migraine start to ebb away slowly. Her simple could cure anything for him. Most of all, he could never get enough of her massages._

"_You should know better to believe such things. And since when have you been affected by what people say or do? Harry and Ron maybe be badgering about us, but it's not like I'm listening to them." Her voice was calm not really affected too much by the article. Yes, she understood Severus's point of view and wanted nothing more than to slap Skeeter right in the face, but all she knew was that it was best to remain calm and not throw more fire to the storm._

_Severus opened his eyes, and then answered, "They speak the truth. I mean really Hermione, tell me what you see in me. It's not like I'm handsome or anything. I'm dark, snarky, shrewd, and most of all, broken. You can get yourself a better man, someone like Draco Malfoy."_

_Hermione chuckled and nodded. "Yes, Draco is good looking, and I'll have to admit that I did have a crush on him. What?" she suddenly questioned when she heard Severus growl. Clearly he was jealous. "It was a long time ago, and there's nothing you should worry about. You have me Severus."_

"_You didn't answer my question," he said back, very much disappointed at hearing that she had an attraction to the much younger blond wizard._

"_You are handsome to me Severus," Hermione spoke slowly as she continued to massage his temples. "And yes, you are dark, snarky, shrewd. Let's not forget, very brave, selfless, and smart, which are many of the reasons why I love you." She stopped massaging him and brought one of his hands inside her shirt, and up, passing up her braless breasts, and placed it just atop her heart. "Do you feel it Severus? This is what the truth is. My heart beats only for you."_

"_You didn't say anything about my broken comment," Severus stated, needing more reassurance. His hand slipped from beneath her shirt and landed at her hips along with his other hand, keeping a hold on her._

"_Then you are mine to heal," Hermione said in reply. She pushed away the strands of hair that covered up his face, and gently started to massage is scalp. "Feeling better?" she asked when she heard a sigh escape his lips._

"_I think you're making me go soft," he answered sarcastically. Her words affected him in more ways than one, going directly to his heart. "You make me feel like putty in your hands."_

_Hermione smiled down at him, and continued as he closed his eyes. After some brief silence, she started to sing softly._

If love is blind

I'll find my way with you

Cause I can't see myself

Not in love with you

If love is blind

I'll find my way with you

"_What in blazes?" Severus asked aloud as he opened his eyes._

"_I'm singing a Muggle song called—"_

"_I know the song," Severus interrupted. "I've just never heard you sing before. My God woman, I never heard anyone sound so off key!" he stated bluntly._

_Taking no offense to his comment, Hermione only threw her head back as she started to laugh. "And those are one of the many reasons you love me," she teased as she bent forward, making their noses touch as her laugh started to die down. "And not all of us are gifted with a silky baritone voice such as yours. Would you like me to continue?"_

"_They only musical sound that comes out from that mouth of yours is when I give you a nice big 'O,' Severus growled. Slowly his hands went beneath her shirt, cupping her breasts, and teasing her nipples with his thumbs. _

"_Is that so?" Hermione asked seductively against his lips. She started to rock herself against him, making her get wet between her legs and also feeling him get hard directly beneath her. "And with you being my one and only _musical conductor, _will you be letting me scream out musically anytime soon?"_

_Without giving her a verbal answer, Severus stood up swiftly and wrapped her legs around his waist, as he maneuvered his way blindly towards the bedroom._

"_Want to know another reason why I love you?" Hermione asked breathlessly as she pulled her lips away from his. _"_You're a Sex-God."_

"_And you are my Goddess!" Severus hissed back after kicking the bedroom door shut._

* * *

Alone, in Hermione's home, Severus stood out on top of the rooftop garden. The sun had gone down hours ago. He looked up at the moon above, and thought of nothing else but Hermione. Every few minutes, he tried to call her mobile, only to be redirected to her voicemail. He even tried text messaging her, but still no reply.

Severus was more than worried to say the least. Where was she? Who did she run to? And most of all, was she alright? There were a million questions running through his mind. Fear was rushing through him like nothing else over the past few hours. He also felt guilt like nothing else before.

Sighing in defeat, he sat himself down at the small picnic table. Without thinking he summoned of Jack Daniel's from the kitchen with his hand. Once the bottle was in his hand, he stared at it for a few moments before opening it and taking a few large gulps.

Soon enough, he was a helpless passed out heap in the middle of Hermione's bed.

* * *

AN – Again, sorry for the long wait for an update. I just couldn't write anymore, and I don't know why. Well here I am again after so many months. A lot has happened, and guess what! I even got myself my own Bacon. Well, Twix is her name actually and she was given to me as a birthday present last month from my sister. She is adorable. If you want to see her, check out my profile picture. I have truly missed you all. :)

Lastly… please **review.**


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

Chapter 32

* * *

Days had passed since Hermione's run off, and Severus had not yet received a single reply from her. The more time passed, the more he got worried. Anything could've happened to her. With her getting into a major accident, and become a victim of a shooting, there was nothing that could stop him from thinking that the worst could happen to her. Usually when his gut told him there was something wrong, he was right. But now, he couldn't really tell since it was all tied up in knots. All he wanted and needed was a reply from her, telling him that she was okay.

Leaning on his arms against the dresser in Hermione's walk-in closet, Severus stared at his reflection, feeling somewhat worse than he actually looked. A beard and a mustache had grown since he didn't shave in days, and dark eye bags grew beneath his tiresome eyes. Once he saw Giselle stand behind him with his leather jacket, he stood up straight and allowed her to help him put it on.

"Did you take your hangover potion?" she asked.

"I did," he replied as she fixed his jacket collar.

"Why the drinking?" Giselle asked. She had been checking up on him every morning always finding him in the position of having a terrible hangover. She wanted to stay, but he would always refuse her company and want to be alone. Knowing well how Severus was, she gave him the space he needed.

"I don't know," Severus replied in a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hear. "I guess I'm trying to numb all my feelings, most especially my fears. Maybe there is a reason for Hermione's drinking after all."

"You can't really be saying that?" Giselle questioned. She was shocked. Seeing Severus wallow in his sorrows was one thing, but finding a reason to get drunk was another. "What do you think Hermione would say if she knew what you were doing to yourself?"

Severus knew exactly what Hermione would say, and that was that she wouldn't like to see him in such a position. He shook his head, reached into his black jeans pocket for the rose pendant and sat himself down on the dresser stool. As he stared at the pendant in hand, he became very deep in thought.

"Something you need to get off your chest?" Giselle asked from behind him as she bent down, and wrapped an arm around him, laying her hand on the middle of his chest.

"Recently, I just thought…" Severus paused for a moment, trying to swallow his words back. "After all these years, she finally saw the truth about her… rape. Now, I can't help but think that she probably also finally opened her eyes to the truth… She's been in love with someone else."

Giselle frowned. "I don't understand."

"Instead of being with me at the time she needs all the support and love she needs the most, she's not. She's run off somewhere, to someone, who is now giving her what she needs." Severus shook his head. "Obviously, it isn't me."

Giselle finally understood. "I highly doubt that. When I was here and Hermione was crying her heart out as I held her, I could clearly see that her feelings of you were genuine and very strong. We all know that things have been very difficult for her. People grieve during such situations differently. When the time comes, I'm sure she'll come running back into your arms." She kissed the top of Severus's head and embraced him tightly. "All you have to do is wait."

Part of Severus disagreed as he shook his head. The pain beneath his chest was the feeling of his heart breaking. "Over the weeks, so many times, she was pushing me away, willing to let me go for my happiness. And above it all, I promised myself that I would always be at her side forever. Now… maybe it's me that has to let her go. For the sake of her happiness, I'll do that."

Giselle reassured him and softly said against his hear, "It's you and Hermione, trust me. She loves you like no other. I saw it in her eyes. There's no one else. No come," she said as she pulled at him as she stood up. "We have to apparate to London and get to the Ministry. The Weasley rapist is going to get arrested. I want to get a look at his face and maybe give him a taste of his own medicine."

After a brief meeting in the Shacklebolt's office, Lucius, Narcissa, Draco, Alan, Severus, and Giselle all made their way to the nearest floo network, flooing to the Burrow. Accompanying them were a few aurors including auror-head Alabastor Moody.

* * *

The Burrow was filled with laughs and other joyous noise from the entire Weasley clan who were all seated in the dining area, enjoying a great feast of food. It was the birthday of the twins, which was the reason for such a cause of celebration.

"Glad you're here Ron," Fred said.

"We haven't seen or heard much from you in years," George added, as he ruffled Ron's hair.

"Stop it!" Ron said, pushing his hand away. "I'm not a kid anymore!"

"You'll always the youngest brother," Bill stated with a laugh.

Ron didn't say anything anymore and looked around the dining table. His right cheek had slightly lifted up as he almost smiled. Honestly he had missed this, and missed everyone. He never knew how much he missed his family until tonight, surprising everyone most especially the twins for their birthday as he knocked on the door earlier.

A little less than a week had passed since his brutal encounter back in Amsterdam. He had expected to get arrested when he was in Amsterdam, but nothing happened. No warning or notice even came from the Ministry. The lift of the cheek suddenly then became a full smile. He knew Hermione too well, and wasn't one to press charges against the people she was close to and considered friends. Screw her, Snape, the Malfoys, and whoever else. In the first place, it wasn't him who committed any crime, but Snape himself.

"We really missed you Ron," Harry said with a smile across the table. He turned to Ginny, seeing her smile and nod. "Actually, I'm glad you're here as we have exciting news," he said raising his voice amongst everyone at the table, making everyone focus on him as they became silent.

"This coming quidditch season, I won't be playing," Ginny spoke.

"You got traded out of Puddlemere United?" Percy asked. "Don't tell me you got in Chudley Cannons! You'd be the first female to ever play for that team. That's history right there!"

Ginny shook her head.

"Well, what is it?" Arthur asked, just as curious as everyone else.

Harry wrapped an arm around Ginny's shoulders with a big wide smile on his face. "We're pregnant!"

There was a moment of shock for a brief second before it was broken by Molly's high pitched screech of joy. "Our baby is having a baby!" she said with tears in her eyes. "Our first grandchild!"

Across the table, Fleur and Bill looked at each other with sad smiles on their faces. If anything, they were supposed to be the ones to have born the next generation of Weasley children first. However, with the damages to Fleur's uterus from being exposed to the Cruciatus too much, it was impossible for her to bare any children. Sad as it was, they were still happy for Harry and Ginny.

Ron stood up and gave his sister and Harry a hug and his congrats along with everyone else's. "Congrats mate," he told Harry. "I'm going to spoil that kid rotten, and that's a promise."

"Sure you will," Harry chuckled. "Let's go to the living area. I need to talk to you in private."

"Sure Harry, sure," Ron nodded before grabbing a handful of cookies. Soon enough he and Harry were in the living area, a good distance away from everyone else, giving them the privacy they needed.

"It's been a long while Ron," Harry said as he sat next to him on the sofa.

"Almost a decade which is hard to believe." Harry shook his head. "Seems like only yesterday when we met each other on our first train to Hogwarts. So, how's life been treating you?"

"Good, good," Ron answered softly, with some arrogance in his tone and body language.

"Traveling the world…"

"Seeing and sleeping with a whole bunch of girls," Ron admitted. When he saw Harry frown at him, he only laughed. "Seriously Harry, you should give the exotic ones a try. They will _blow_ your mind and you know what else. Don't worry, I won't tell Ginny."

Harry smiled at his good old friend. "You never changed. I honestly thought that you changed, settled down with the woman of your dreams."

Ron turned his head away from Harry and stared at the fireplace as he thought about Hermione, with his jaws clenching on and off. "Well, I did something stupid and walked away from her when she needed me the most."

Harry thought about what Ron just said and frowned again. "Who? You can't mean Hermione?"

"I do," Ron said. "Have you been in touch with her or anything? Has she been involved with anyone? Maybe she and I can have a second chance at love together and thing will work out."

"I'm not sure about that," Harry said uneasily. "For the past few months, she's been back with Snape believe it or not."

"You've got to be joking me!" Ron snapped in disgust. "After that… that one amazing night, she goes back to him, or rather, he accepts her after she cheated with me. She loves me more than him, that I know."

"I don't know Ron. It happened all after Hermione got shot—"

"What?" Ron asked in shock.

Harry then started to tell him what happened, and how Snape had been there for her since the beginning, and even the part in which Snape and Giselle broke up. "Ever since then, it's been them again."

"Wait, are you telling me Snape was engaged to someone?" Ron couldn't believe his ears. He was hearing one shock to another. "And now he's gone back to Hermione after her shooting and all? I'm telling you, it's all because of pity and guilt."

"How can you say that?" Harry asked.

"You know if I was the one at the hospital at her bedside, it would be me she would be with right now. Hermione needed a man at that time, and he was the man." He shook his head. "It should've been me mate, it should've been me."

"You still love her that much?"

"With all of my heart Harry."

Harry gulped for a moment as he tried to gather some courage with what he was going to say. He believed his friend and thought that it was time that he had to admit something to him. "Ron, you know how the press badgered you and all?"

Ron nodded.

"Well it was me that leaked it to them."

"What?" Ron asked in a low and dangerous tone.

"I really thought it was morally wrong and all, she was with Snape, and the both of you had to respect that."

"She was supposed to be with me Harry!" Ron growled, keeping his voice low so the others wouldn't hear. "You know maybe if the press weren't so hard on her, or the both of us, we would both be happy now. Some friend you are!"

"You were the one that ran off!" Harry said back as he stood up abruptly and pointed a finger at him. "Don't put blame on me. And Hermione's happy with him again, and let me tell you that it should be that way—Severus and Hermione. If you love her that much, you will respect her and allow her to be happy with him or any man for that matter."

"Bullshit!" Ron said angrily as he stood up in front of his friend nose to nose. "Hasn't it ever occurred to you that maybe _he_ was the one that shot her in San Francisco? After all, since the beginning, he had used dark magic so that he would fall for her. No woman in their right mind would. He will break her, in fact, he already has!"

"You know what, come to think of it; maybe it's you that broke her. You probably seduced or coerced her to sleep with you. Maybe she wasn't at her right mind at that point. You on the other hand were never in your right mind." Harry's blood pressure was rising quickly. His scar started to pulsate because of the vein that was beneath it.

"Screw you!" Ron said aloud.

"What's going on here?" Molly asked as she stepped in, one hand on her hip.

"Nothing," the both of them said in unison.

Suddenly, there was a loud sound that was coming from the fireplace. Within seconds, the living area was filled with more people, which was soon followed by a few of the Weasley family as they stepped into the living area, curious as to whom their visitors were.

Ron's eyes narrowed once he saw Snape. His brows rose from a moment when he saw him holding some female's hand. It then occurred to him that it was Giselle. Where was Hermione if they were together?

"We were just celebrating," Molly told her new guests. "You are all more than welcome to join us. There's plenty of food."

"Sorry Molly, but we can't," Shacklebolt said. "But we're just about to arrest someone.

"Minister," Harry said as turned towards him. "Is there some high profile case you need me for?" It had to be high profile with Lucius standing in the room.

"Do it!" Severus growled, never taking his eyes of Weasley.

"My apologies Molly and Arthur," Shacklebolt said softly, before giving Moody the go signal.

"Ronald Weasley, you are under arrest for the assault and the rape of Hermione Granger. Anything—" Once he saw the young man try to run towards the front door, he slammed the bottom of his stick down on the floor, allowing a binding spell to capture him.

Instantly, Ron couldn't move, and fell face down on the floor, blacking out.

* * *

AN – Ron gets arrested! Harry finally starts to figure things out on his own. **Review!  
**And please don't forget to checkout my blog from time to time. The link is in my profile. :)


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

Chapter 33

* * *

Ron sat alone, bounded in a chair inside one of the private interrogation rooms inside the building of the Ministry of Magic. He was shouting, throwing tantrums like a kid, and of course, saying that he was innocent. Outside, his parents, Harry, the Malfoys, Alan, Giselle, Severus, Moody and of course the Minister, were outside watching him through a two way mirror. The rest of the Weasley clan were left at the Burrow to avoid all the chaos, as there was some earlier during his arrest.

"I can't believe it," Molly sobbed as she hung onto her husband's arm. "My Ron wouldn't do such a thing. Rape, and Hermione no less. I just don't believe it."

"I'm sorry but it's true," Shacklebolt spoke, pulling out the pensieve vials and showing it to her. "It's all here. These are his memories of that night eight years ago. He drugged her and took the worst advantage of the situation."

"After over eight years, he's finally decided to turn himself in?" Arthur questioned.

"We took it from him," Lucius replied.

"Actually, it was beaten out of him," Severus drawled not taking his eyes off Ron.

Molly gasped in shock, covering her open mouth with a hand. She knew exactly what he meant. "How could you be so cruel?" she asked aloud.

Severus snapped his head at the older witch, and clenched his jaws tightly. "How could _I_? Shouldn't you be asking that question to _your son_ and _not me_?" Suddenly, he closed his eyes for the briefest moment and felt the stinging of his cheek. When he had opened his eyes and looked at Molly, he knew without even thinking that she had slapped him.

"I brought my son up rightly, as I did with the rest of all my children!" Molly stated firmly. "How dare you say that I brought my Ronald the wrong way!"

Severus thought for a split second, and couldn't recall any moment in which he had judged Molly towards the upbringing of her children. In fact, she never did. In his opinion, she was a perfect mother. It was the youngest Weasely son who was anything but the perfect one. Before he could object or correct her, he was then bombarded with several slaps and hits on his chest that were all coming from her.

Arthur immediately pinned his wife's arms at her side and held her against him, telling her to stop, and she did. However, her sobbing didn't. Molly turned in his arms, and continued to sob against the middle of his chest. As Arthur held her against him, he glanced at Severus for a moment.

Yes, he understood his wife and how she felt. He felt the same way. He started questioning himself, and where he had gone wrong with the way he had raised wrong. But he also understood Severus. Just knowing that it was his son's memories that showed it all, he couldn't deny it if he tried. He felt guilty and sorry for Hermione, she didn't deserve such pain, from anyone, most especially his son, who was supposed to be her best friend.

"I can't help but keep on apologizing Molly," the Minister stated. "But with the way things are, and how he's memories reveal all, I've decided Ronald doesn't get a trial and gets sentenced for life in Azkaban."

"No trial?" Molly asked in shock as he pulled away from Arthur to look at the other wizard. "That isn't fair to him! He deserves a fair trial and to be proven that he's innocent! Look at him," she said gesturing her arms out towards the mirror, "he's claiming that he's innocent. He isn't a liar."

"And what of his memories?" Lucius questioned. "They were taken directly from his mind. What do you say to that?"

"Clearly you and Severus have performed some of your death eater and dark magic to it," Molly answered. She looked around the room and noticed something right away. "And where is Hermione right now? Hiding away, ashamed to show her face! Maybe she's the one that's made up this entire mess to begin with."

"How dare you!" Severus seethed, only to be slapped again on the face by Molly.

"Molly!" Arthur said grabbing his wife and pulling him against her the second time. He wrapped an arm her shoulders firmly making sure that she wouldn't step away from his grasp and slap Severus again. "Please, you're just making things worse."

"And whose side are you on?" she asked.

"I'm on no one's side," he replied. He couldn't say that he was on the side of the innocent, which meant that he was on Hermione's side, even if it was against his son. No matter of Ron was his son or not, there was a definition between right and wrong. Obviously Ron was in the wrong.

As Molly looked around the room, her eyes darted angrily at everyone, until she noticed something peculiar. "And where is Hermione?" she asked. "She not being here shows that she's too ashamed to show her face, cowering somewhere away from this. She's the liar, not Ronald!"

"Molly, please!" Shacklebolt said firmly, slightly raising his tone of voice just a bit. "I myself have seen and tested the memories and its authenticity. They were clearly from your son, and they aren't fake or tampered with any sort of black magic. You know that rape is a punishment that we take very seriously. He cannot run from the truth and you can't deny it. He is lucky that I have decided to sentence him to life in Azkaban and not the Dementor's Kiss."

The redheaded witch clenched her jaws, as her teary eyes narrowed at the Minister. Without another word, she stormed out of the room, defeated.

Arthur came up to Severus and sighed. "I'm sorry for my wife's behavior, most especially Ron's." He turned towards the mirror and looked at his son for a moment, ashamed to call the man on the other side his son. "And most of all, tell Hermione I'm deeply sorry. Never imagined…" His words faded, not knowing what else to say. Without being able to say another word, he left with his head hanging low.

* * *

"I'm innocent!" Ron hollered for the nth time as he tried to free himself from the restraints that were tying him down on the chair. "Are you bloody hell forgetting who I am? I'm Ronald Wesley, War Hero, from the Order of the First Class of Merlin. I'm innocent!"

Harry walked into the room, his jaws clenched. He never took his eyes off his best—correction, ex-best as he sat himself down on the chair across from him. "I can't believe you actually raped Hermione!" he said aloud. "How could you?"

"Look who's talking!" Ron spat back at him. He was so angry that his entire face was bright red, just like a tomato. "If it wasn't for you, Hermione and I would be living happily ever after now. Because of you, there was so much pressure, you broke up further apart."

"The two of you were never together to begin with."

"The two of us were always meant to be together, destined lovers."

Harry sat back and crossed his arms. He shook his head in disbelief, not even recognizing the person in front of him. He realized that he sadly never knew who he was in the beginning. Cleary he was disturbed and had some psychological and mental problem. "Merlin Ron, you really have a lose screw. How you see reality is all fucked up."

"You're the one who's fucked up Harry! You believing this crap that I, _I_ raped Hermione." Why was it so hard to believe him? "You know me and you should know her. You know her when it comes to alcohol. She passed out, so what!"

"So what?" Harry roared as he stood up from his chair, knocking it to the floor. He jumped up on the table and made his way across it. Immediately, his hands went around Ron's neck as he started to choke him. "I could so kill you right now!" he growled as his fingers tightened. "You raped her you bastard! You raped her!"

It was Moody that moved briskly into the room, and pulled Harry away. The way Ron's facial complexion was, he was afraid that he was going passed out anytime soon, and there was also the possibility that he was going to get choked to death. He didn't care for Ron too much, but having Harry actually kill him was going to be a bigger story and crime altogether. Harry being charged for first degree murder, much over a _useless_ man was something he didn't want.

Ron gasped for air right after his neck was freed. He raised his nose and mouth up high as he looked up at the ceiling. It never felt so good to breathe. After a few seconds, he glared daggers towards Harry, feeling more hatred for him.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Harry said as he raised his arms up, pushing Moody off him. After adjusting his glasses on his face, he looked at Ron in disgust. "Shacklebolt said no trial. It's straight to Azkaban for you, for life. He's turned a blind eye, and frankly so have I. But if I was him, I'd give you the Dementor's Kiss. Not just once, but so many times, you'd wish you were given the death sentence instead." He turned on his feet and made his way out of the interrogation room, completely ignoring Ron's hollers that he was innocent. It was bullshit, he was bullshit, and he was tired of it.

"The press will have a field day once this comes out," the Minister stated. "All cases will become public record, regardless if there's a trial or not. They'll know that he raped Hermione."

"We'll have to protect her," Harry said. He was leaning back against the mirror, his head feeling its coldness as he stared at the light above, thinking of nothing else but Hermione. He felt so guilty and felt like the biggest arse in the world. If he wasn't so selfish with his morals years ago, he was sure he would've seen the reality of it all. He was a terrible friend to Hermione, and he knew that she was probably never going to forgive him. "Rita Skeeter is going to have the biggest fun out of all this. You know how she loves twisting things in her stories. She labeled Hermione a whore over eight years ago, remember?"

"We'll take care of that," Alan stated as he and Lucius eyed each other, and nodded in understanding. "Hermione needs to be protected as much as possible, even if she isn't here. Her image, her reputation, everything."

Inside the interrogation room, Ron still continued bantering on about his innocence. He wasn't dumb, knowing that there were still people behind the mirror, watching him. In fact, he could feel it. Suddenly, he stopped shouting and shaking from the chair for a moment as something popped into his mind.

"Hey Snape!" he shouted. "Who's that woman with you? You're girlfriend. Wait till Hermione finds out that you're cheating on her. In fact, I'm sure you just got back with her because you pity her." His mouth broke out into a smile as he continued on. "Hey Snape's girlfriend, open your eyes and get yourself tested for dark magic. Ask yourself this… How can you be attracted to such a monster?"

Giselle never really said much since Ron's arrest. She was never really one to talk much during such drastic situations. Violence was also something that she never approved to, always trying to keep her cool and best composure. She kept her hold on Severus's hand, hopefully calming him just in case he was about to lose his temper. But in all honestly, she was also afraid that she was going to lose his. And with Ron's last comment, she just had. One second she was standing right next to Severus, and the next, she burst into the interrogation room, finding herself staring down at him, and feeling her pulse race like nothing she ever felt before.

"Hey good looking!" Ron smirked, noticing how beautiful Giselle was. "Fancy a fuck, before I go to jail? I guarantee, I can do better than Snape, and I'm not exaggerating."

Giselle suddenly slapped Ron against his cheek, and then the other. "You're the monster!" she stated firmly, and then spat on his face. She was just about to give him another hit, perhaps kick him in the crotch, before she was stopped by Severus himself.

Severus stood still for a moment in shock before he moved into the room to stop Giselle's onslaughts. He had never seen her loose her composure, strike or be violent to anyone. He moved in quickly just to stop her, afraid to see what she'd do next.

"Need a woman to fight for you?" Ron asked in disgust. "Coward!"

With a very deep growl, Severus lifted his fist, and punched him square in the jaw as hard as he could.

Ron felt the pain of his jaw breaking, but he couldn't shout out or groan in pain. In a split second, his chair was falling towards the floor, and the back of his head banged on it before blacking out.

"Come on Severus, let's get out of here," Giselle said as she pulled on his arm.

"Hogwarts," he muttered. Minerva and Albus had to know of the news.

* * *

AN – Did you like the Ron-bashing? You know you want to **review. **:)


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

* * *

Chapter 34

In his chambers at Hogwarts Castle, Severus was seated next to the left side of his bed, which was Hermione's side many years ago, that is if it was the same bed. He was seated on a sitting chair that he had moved earlier with his legs stretched out on the bed, with he's sock covered feet. In one hand, he had an open bottle of fire whiskey, and kept silent to himself. He was slightly tipsy as he had been drinking quite a bit already.

_"This place has the best memories of my life…"_

Severus remembered Hermione's words the day he was last with her. As he looked around, he too pondered back on the best memories he ever had in his life, which was all with her.

* * *

"_Oh my God! Oh my god!" Hermione screamed at the top of her lungs as she jumped up and down on Severus's bed. "I can't believe it!"_

_Severus could only watch her as he stood next to the bed. There was a small smile on his face, which faded every time he heard her scream or screech very highly. Annoying as it was, he continued to watch her, letting her act whichever way she wanted. She truly deserved it. And he was happy because she was happy._

_In Hermione's hand was a letter which was the cause of her celebration. "I did it! I did it!" she then jumped as high as she could towards Severus with her arms wide open._

_Severus never reacted so fast in his life. He had his arms crossed on his chest, and in a split second, he moved them in front of him, caught his witch, as he kept his balance, barely toppling over. Thankfully he had fast reflexes, otherwise it would've been a different situation altogether._

"_Severus!" Hermione said aloud and kissed his firmly on the cheek. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, as her legs swung a little in the air. When she saw his usual scowl, she gave him a pout. "What did I do?"_

"_You plan to break my back woman?" Severus asked sharply as he frowned at her. "Good thing you're small, otherwise, I would've fallen flat on my arse."_

"_You really are being a sourpuss Sev. Worried that your backside will get bruised and all?" Hermione asked with a smile. She knew he was joking, seeing that certain glint in his eye. She knew him all too well and knew how to read him properly, and now, he wasn't serious with his comment. "I'll love your backside any way," she teased with a smile. Her smile then faded as she fell silent, tears falling from her eyes._

"_Hermione?" Severus questioned with worry. Did he miss something?_

_Hermione didn't say anything and held onto Severus tightly as she sobbed into his neck._

_Severus moved on his bare feet slowly, and sat himself down at the edge of the bed, with her sitting firmly on his lap as he continued to hold her. "Tell me what's wrong?" he asked softly._

"_Nothing's wrong!" Hermione bawled. "I'm happy."_

_Severus smiled against her temple and kissed it. He felt relieved and understood that her tears were tears of happiness. He was never good with tears, especially if they were hers, always thinking that something had gone wrong or that she was hurting. As she continued to cry, he held her close as he started to talk. "I am so proud of you Hermione. I had no doubt in my mind that you would earn your title. You are now a potions mistress."_

_Hermione pulled back and looked directly at the man she loved with tears still flowing out of her eyes. "I wouldn't have been able to do it without you." She wiped the bottom of her nose with the back of her hand as she sniffled. "It's all because of you Severus—I am who I am because of you."_

_Cupping her face in his hands, and wiping her tears with his thumbs, he shook Severus shook his head slightly. "You would've succeeded even if you took your apprenticeship elsewhere. I never doubted you a single bit, not one. I know you, and as soon as you set your mind up on something, you get it done. Again, I am so very proud of you. My Rose… I love you."_

_Hermione felt all so choked up, that her tears just continued on coming out. "This is the happiest moment of my life," she sobbed. "It wouldn't have been the same without you here with me. Without you, moments such as these would mean nothing. I love you Severus… with all my heart. And I want you to be with me through every important moment in my life."_

"_And I'll be there, I promise you," Severus said softly, before capturing her lips into a nice, sensual, romantic, and light kiss._

_In no time, Hermione continued on celebrating her way as she started jumping and shouting on the bed yet again. Severus again stood close by the bed and just watched her. He was never a selfish man, but seeing her seem like the happiest person on the planet also made him feel the same because it was her happiness that mattered. That was his definition of happiness—hers and hers alone._

* * *

As Severus continued to think back on his past with Hermione, he continued imagining images of him and her together, not just in the bed, but around the room as well.

Some of them were arguments, some moments of silence, while others were mind blowing, unforgettable moments, like making love against the stone cold wall. He remembered the bruises on the back that she had gotten from that, and she never complained about it. All the moments seemed as if they had just happened yesterday, while others seemed like they happened from another life, so very long ago.

Still, words from that last day kept on echoing in his ears.

"…_and also the worst."_

Again, Severus had to agree that his chambers held the worst memories of his life. No, it wasn't the war, he was thinking about, but that damned Ronald Weasley that ruined everything. Sure, he may have changed the bed, but he could clearly still see him raping Hermione in the bed right in front of him, exactly the way he remembered it in the memories that he saw. His fingers dug into the whiskey bottle, as he imagined the rape over and over again. He couldn't stop it, and every vein in his body was pulsing, wanting the kill him.

"A galleon for your thoughts my boy," Albus spoke as he patted Severus on the shoulder, disrupting him from his thoughts. He gave him a smile and sat himself down right next to his feet on the bed.

"Albus," Severus muttered. He was in no mood to talk, and only raised the whiskey bottle up to offer the old wizard a drink.

After snapping his own fingers, Albus had a scotch glass filled with ice, and allowed Severus to pour him a generous amount of the amber colored alcohol. He took a big gulp out of it, and looked worriedly at the man in front of him. "Giselle left, saying she had to go to Narcissa's and then take care of some things in Paris. She told me to keep an eye on you. She's worried, and I can see why. I've never seen you this haggard, not even during the war. Hermione's rape hitting you that hard I see."

"That and more." The whiskey swiveled and turned in its bottle with every move that Severus made with his wrist.

"More?" Albus frowned. He didn't understand. Aside from Hermione's rape, which Severus told him and Minerva about earlier, what else was there? Something more tragic? Dear Merlin, he hoped not. "Sorry, but I don't understand? Have I missed something?"

"I've made so many mistakes in my life, too many for anyone, but the worst… Over eight years ago, I doubted her love, and pushed her away," Severus started to explain. He didn't look directly at Albus, but at his whiskey and continued on. "When I finally realized the gravity of _that_ mistake, I tried everything in my power to prove myself to her and it still wasn't enough."

Albus's frown deepened as he became more confused. "Lucius explained before that the both of you are back together. Are you not?"

"For a moment, I thought we were, but I thought wrong." A long and defeated sigh left Severus's lips before he took another sip, feeling the burn of the alcohol down his throat. He wished that somehow, the burn would go directly to his heart, and distract the pain that he had been feeling there—heartbreak. "She's run off to another."

"I really wouldn't say that. People deal differently, maybe she just needed some time alone. I know you're that type, wanting to be alone when things are troubled."

"But she isn't like that, so she's run off to another. Obviously, I can't give her what she needs. I've never felt so useless. Tells me I'm not good enough for her… but then again, she does deserve the best. I guess I'll have to learn how to live with that."

"I have a confession to tell you Severus," Albus started. "I knew about your relations with Hermione, long before you let everyone know."

Severus snapped his head as he looked at his mentor. "How? You knew, you didn't tell me, or even fire me?" He was so sure he and Hermione had kept their relationship strictly confidential because it was against the school rules to let a teacher have relations with a student. Of course back then, there was also a big war going on, and having Voldemort find out about it would've meant torture and maybe even death for her. Her safety was his number one concern.

Albus smiled behind his glass before taking in a sip. "I know everything that happens around this castle my boy. And in terms of the rules, there isn't a problem of bending them every so often. Hermione was also of legal age. No harm was done, except the bonding of two people that were so in love with each other."

Severus gave out a small snort. Why wasn't he surprised? The old man also was starting to start like some romantic novelist, which he couldn't take. He was sure if he had never fallen in love with Hermione, the old fool would be playing matchmaker.

"At first glance, you may have not seemed like the perfect couple to many, but too many, the both of you matched liked two peas in a pod," Albus added as he continued to speak. "I saw it back then. The look in your eyes, and hers was the look that only the happiest couples have. You were so in love, and I was very happy for you. I honestly always wanted you to be happy Severus. Settle down, and even have a family. The simple answer was her."

"It isn't that simple," Severus muttered as he argued back. "Now I understand the saying, _love makes the world go round._ Well, right now, my world seems at a standstill, or better yet, dead. She's with another…"

"If the both of you are really meant to be, it will happen. Don't lose hope Severus. I believe that you and Hermione are meant to be. I've never seen so much love between anyone else. She just needs some time away. She'll be with you eventually, and all will start to fall in place as it should be." Albus then stood up after finishing his drink, making his empty glass vanish in thin air. "You're drunk, and I wouldn't want you to apperate back to San Francisco because you might spilch yourself. Stay here." He then left Severus to his own thoughts again.

After taking off his shirt, Severus fumbled inside his jean pocket for his mobile. Again, there was nothing yet, and again he texted her before he had fallen into a drunken sleep.

_Hermione, where are you? You really have me worrying. All I want to know is that you're okay. Take care always, and be safe._

* * *

Thousands of miles away, across the ocean, Hermione was seated at the edge of the little river at the back of the farm. She had her feet dangling in the water as she stared at her mobile reading the numerous messages from Severus, after listening to his voicemails. She was anything but okay. Whenever she was at the farm, she was always at ease, as if she was living another life in another world. Ever since her rape however, her life just caught up with her.

She was exhausted and tired with all the sleepless nights she had because of her nightmares of Ron. She couldn't get him out of her mind, and drowned herself in work, working on her roses, and doing more deliveries than usual. Even in the middle of the night, she was just seated in the middle of her bed, helping out with designs for events such as weddings.

Without a doubt, Severus was always on her mind, and in her heart, ever so more than before. She barely imagined him with her on the farm, and now not just wanted but needed him more than ever. The million dollar question was, was he still feeling the same way she was?

* * *

AN – I know that this chapter might seem like a filler, but I really needed to get that flashback in. Least we know how Hermione is. **Review!**


	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

* * *

Chapter 35

Since it was mid September, the inn was starting to get busy as the town's anniversary was getting closer and closer, which was at the end of the month. And as always, it was a big celebration for everyone, and plenty of tourists would arrive, enjoying the festivities. Not only would the inn get fully booked, but the other little places around town as well. The town's founding was really the cause for celebration for the local's and the tourists. People we're getting busy, most especially Hermione.

Almost two weeks had passed since her arrival back on the farm. Greenhouse number one is where she spent most of her time, if she wasn't helping around the farm and inn with deliveries, and the guests.

She was seated behind a microscope on a stool with Bacon sleeping soundly beneath her. Her notes were scattered in front of her as she worked on her current rose hybrid—a rainbow rose. Actually, it had been a project that she worked on for over the years never really succeeding in making a rainbow rose. The other creations were much simpler, and at times, two of them were actually made in an attempt to make the rainbow rose.

Moving away from the microscope, she rubbed her eyes as her vision was slightly blurred. She was more than tired, and her eyes felt heavy as it was another restless night. She looked at the roses on the table in front of her and cursed to herself. Her latest test seedlings that she planted weeks ago were color white. It was a step backwards from the older batch which happened to have the first three colors of the rainbow. However, she didn't want only three colors, but the entire seven colors.

Shaking her head, Hermione started to feel defeated with the project for the nth time. Creating the rainbow hybrid was far from impossible, and many had attempted it over the years, and decades. It was far more impossible for her though. Who was she compared to them? Not a Herbology Mistress that's for sure. She loved roses, and that was all.

Not being a Herbology Mistress was the reason why Hermione didn't go public with her roses, or tell the world that she created them. Honestly, she felt that it was all luck perhaps. And since it wasn't her profession, she didn't want to put her name on them, thinking that what she had created was nothing, and miniscule to the _real professionals_ in the industry. She wasn't even sure if she had done things properly during creating them. Was there such thing as Herbology malpractice? Would she be a disgrace if the experts knew? It was really just a hobby and nothing more. If it was anyone's name that was going to go on them, it was Alice's. It was her farm in the first place and she somewhat helped Hermione with them from time to time.

Now with not focusing on anything, her thoughts were a hundred percent on Severus. She reached into the side pocket of her cargo shorts and pulled out her mobile. Once turning it on she wasn't surprised to see notices of numerous new messages and voicemails. No doubt they were all from him. Eventually, she started to listen to some of the voicemails.

"_Good morning my Rose. I hope you had a better night's rest than I did. I miss holding you. Have a good breakfast and have a wonderful day."_

"_Ronald Weasley is someone you don't have to worry about anymore. He got his life sentence in Azkaban. Please tell me you're well. That's all I really need to know."_

"_Hermione… It's really late in the night and I'm staring at the empty space next to me on your bed. I keep missing you more and more. Love you…"_

Just with the first few messages, they already had an impact with her. Hermione never had a good night's sleep because of her nightmares of Ron. Now that she knew that he was in jail, she didn't feel relieved at all, because when she slept, she knew that he would torture her in her dreams. Him raping her was something that she probably would never forget. And during those many sleepless nights, she too stared at the empty space on her bed, as she held onto a pillow and cried. She imagined that Severus was the pillow, imagined him holding her, wishing that he was there to take away, or just ease her pains away. She had missed him terribly, more so during the past two weeks than eight years.

Hermione then felt something wet and cold against her calf. She looked down and saw Bacon rubbing his nose against her, and whimpering up at her with his puppy dog eyes. She smiled at him and then stood up. "Alright buddy, I'm hungry too," she said as she petted him. The both of them soon made their way back to the inn walking, starving for lunch.

* * *

After knocking on Alice's office door, Hermione allowed herself in and saw Alice sitting behind her desk. "You wanted to see me?" she asked.

"Please sit," Alice gestured to one of the two chairs across from her. She smiled at Bacon who sat himself down on the other chair, and looked at her with his ears slightly raised. It seemed that Bacon himself was eager to listen in on the topic of discussion, which truly amazed her. "I'll be taking the five hundred black rose delivery myself to Los Angeles in about awhile."

"What?" Hermione questioned. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to do that? I told Dean myself I would since he has to count inventory for a bigger delivery for tomorrow."

"Frankly Hermione, as much as appreciate you working around here and there, you're pushing yourself too hard, and it's worrying not just me, but everyone else as well, You've been carrying everyone's work load," Alice replied. "With those deep eye-bags that have formed beneath your eyes, I know quite well that you haven't been getting enough sleep. You might actually fall asleep on the wheel later on and get into an accident."

"I won't fall asleep, I promise you that," Hermione argued back. Her body may have felt fatigued over the past few days, but she still couldn't get enough sleep, afraid of what was going to happen if she closed her eyes. In one word, or name—Ron. She needed to get her mind off him as much as possible, and the long drive back and forth to Los Angeles was something that she needed to do. It was going to take a good number of hours, and allow her to keep her mind on the road. "I haven't screwed up anything I've done the past few days. Little sleep or no sleep at all, I get the work done. It will also remain the same when I buy this place."

Alice froze in shock. Did she hear right? "So you've already made your decision?"

Hermione nodded. "I just got to finish my last project at work and I can focus on this place a hundred percent. Hopefully I'll keep up the reputation you've made of this place, or else I suck, and I'm the wrong person for your farm."

"You're the perfect person," Alice smiled. "You know you're way around the business, the employees love you, and most of all, you have a passion for roses. Even if you say you haven't been focusing so much here, your hybrids show proof that you are better than any other. With what you've created in such little time, it takes decades for others to do what you've done. I can't even imagine what happens when you're here full-time, and not just vacation time. Truthfully I think you're already here a hundred percent, which will soon go up to a thousand."

Hermione let out a deep sigh and breathed in deeply before doing it again. "Well, I wish I could say that about my current job." At this point, she suddenly realized that her major potions project hadn't crossed her mind in the longest time. As she thought about it longer, she realized that her feelings had possibly changed over it.

Before, she had the drive when she worked on her potions. Even risking her life for it, or pushing herself physically when her wrist was hurting very much. She remembered not only pushing herself, but pushing to prove Alan that she could work. She had devoted so much time and effort into Wolfsbane 6. And with the current project now, she started to question where the drive went. Maybe spending more time on the farm was the cause, maybe not, but whatever it was, Hermione was one to never back out of anything. She couldn't leave the project just like that, but because she didn't feel the drive for it like before, part of her wanted to.

So many new questions came to mind with regards to Alan. What would he say if he knew what Hermione was doing here on the farm? She knew she would feel ashamed as it would seem that she was slacking off from her actual job. She knew she was a burden to him one way or another. He invested and believed in her so much, that it was too much, too little. What would he do if she abandoned the project?

On the other hand, more important questions came to mind when she thought about Severus. She had made her decision, she was going to buy the farm, and live here for the rest of her life. She wasn't going to change it. Honestly, she felt happier here than in her actual job where she apparently felt no happiness for it. But what of Severus?

Yes, Hermione wanted to be with him forever, but how could forever be when his revolved around a place and his profession—Hogwarts and potions. Sure, she didn't have a problem with potions or having a life across the ocean, but that was eight years ago. Times have changed, her life had changed dramatically. She just couldn't see herself in that same position anymore. Running the inn and the farm, and creating her roses was the life that she now saw herself in, a life she could live and a profession she could do with her injury. The main question of it all, was he going to follow her here?

No, she just couldn't see it. If he did, than that would mean that he would change his life completely just because of her. That was something that she was sure he wouldn't do, and something that she didn't want him to do. The option of keeping his profession and working for Alan might have been there, but Hogwarts was really a part of Severus for most of his life. It defined him and made him, and even was a place he called home for most of the year.

It was a lot for Severus to give up, and Hermione didn't want him to, most especially if he was going to regret it later on. As much as she needed, wanted, and loved for him to be with her, she couldn't be selfish. His sacrifice would be much bigger than hers. A life without him on the farm was secondary, and she could live with that, or rather, she could learn to live with.

* * *

It was almost midnight, and Hermione didn't have a wink of sleep. For the past three hours, she had been lying down in bed listening to some voicemails that she kept from Severus. Again and again, she replayed some of them, most especially the ones were he said those three words…

"_I love you."_

She could never get enough of it. And the tone of his voice alone, somewhat made her feel at ease, but it was just a tiny, tiny bit. There was nothing more than wanting to be held by him, in his arms, where she would feel safe. But she wasn't going to complain with her current companion, looked at her with brown eyes pitifully and just whimpered.

"I love him," Hermione told Bacon, settling mobile down between them. "What to do? What to do?" she muttered.

Bacon whimpered again, and pushed the mobile towards Hermione, and barked once.

"What?" Hermione frowned. "You think I should call him?"

Again, the chocolate lab answered, pushing the mobile into her hand, then barked and wagged his tail.

Hermione only smile. He truly understood her. "I don't know what to say."

Bacon lowered his head and looked at her with a growl. He was telling her to get on with it, or else.

"Alright, alright, I'll call him," she replied giving in. before Hermione could even press the call button, her door burst open making her and Bacon jump in fright. "Dean—" she was about to complain but he interrupted her.

"It's Alice. She's gotten into a really bad accident."

* * *

AN – Evil cliffy, I know. Honestly, this chapter isn't the way I planned out the story originally. It seems my muses have taken it towards another direction (making the story a little longer than planed). My muses have been negatively inspired with what has happened recently in my real life. A friend has deserted me in my time of need… so here I am, venting out in my writing. Please **review, **as it's the only thing that'll probably make me happy now.


	36. Chapter 36

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

* * *

Chapter 36

The ride back to San Francisco felt like the longest ride that Hermione took as Dean drove his truck to San Francisco General. She was seated in the second row, while Philippe was seated right next to him. All the while, the Frenchman told Dean to hurry as he broke though almost every speed limit. Hermione on the other hand was in shock, not knowing how to react, not being able to say much. The entire time, she was hoping and praying to herself that things were okay and that it wasn't too major. But that wasn't how it seemed.

Now, she and the other two were waiting impatiently in the waiting room outside the operating room. As far as they were told, a big truck hit the side that Alice was seated at in her delivery van, and it was a hard hit. Alice was in the right of way, crossing an intersection, while the truck just kept on going full speed. The truck driver was the one that made a grave error as he didn't see Alice, or the stop light. It was all because the idiot was drunk. The impact, in which the driver made, caused Alice's vehicle to roll over several times as it skidded off the road and tipped over as it hit the slanted ground at its side.

As soon as they arrived in the hospital, there was nothing that the nurses could say except for the fact that Alice was under surgery. So again, they had to wait agonizingly, and only wish and pray for the best.

While Dean and Philippe were seated on chairs, Hermione sat herself down in the far corner of the room, probably more impatient than the two combined. Many emotions were running through her, most of all guilt and anger, which were directed towards herself. As much as she was angry at the jackass truck driver, she was angrier at herself. It was supposed to be her that did the delivery and not Alice. It was supposed to be her that got into the accident and not her. It was supposed to be her under the operating table now, and not her. All in all, it was supposed to be her.

Why the hell didn't she just grab the keys and do it herself before Alice did? Why didn't she convince Alice some more that she could do the delivery with no problems? Why of all people did it have to be Alice to get into an accident and not her instead? Of all the people in the world, why Alice when she had done nothing wrong? With all the fucked up mistakes that Hermione had done in her life, she believed that she was the one that was supposed to be in the accident. Fates was cruel, and life was never fair, even to the best of them.

"It's all my fault," Hermione whimpered as her eyes started to get all teary.

"What?" Dean questioned as he didn't hear what she said.

"It's all my fault," Hermione stated more clearly. Her shoulder then started to shake as she broke out into sobs.

Dean told Philippe to go and find some water or coffee, or even a bite to eat. After, he made his way towards Hermione and sat down right in front of her. "Hermione…"

"I was supposed to be the one to take care of the delivery, not her," she started to explain. "She was concerned about me not getting enough rest. She was concerned about my well being. Look where she is now. It's where I'm supposed to be."

"You can't blame yourself," he told her. "You can't control life. It was an accident, nothing more."

"But I do blame myself, I do!" Hermione said aloud as her sobs turned to cries. The guilt was eating at her like nothing else. Truly it was the worst kind of pain that she had to deal with so far in her life. Even the rape from Ron seemed forgotten. "If anything happens to her…" she choked, "I'm not going to be able to forgive myself. Shit!" Balling up her right fist with much success, she started to bang it on the cold floor several times as hard as she could, not caring much for the pain it was causing her.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Dean said as he stopped her by grabbing hold of her hand. He pulled her into his arms, allowing her to cry into his chest. He understood her guilt knowing that normally he would've done the delivery himself if he wasn't assigned to a bigger one. "There's no point in hurting yourself," he murmured to Hermione as he rocked her in his arms.

Unknown to the both of them, there were two pairs of eyes looking at them through the open door—one of them being obsidian black.

* * *

It was an hour before dawn when Severus was awakened by Alan as he barged through the bedroom door. When his employer told him that Hermione was in the hospital, he felt his heart stop for a moment before he got dressed as fast as he could. The only thing that Alan told him was that a nurse had recognized Hermione and immediately called him. At the hospital, he could feel his heart drop as he could only think that something bad had happened to Hermione. But he prayed to Merlin that he was wrong. When one of the nurses informed him and Alan that it was her friend that had gotten into an accident, and she was in the waiting room, he only could breathe a sigh of relief for a second before running to her. No doubt she was in distress, and he was going to be there for her.

Now as he stood in the doorway seeing Hermione in the arms of another, what he had thought for the past two weeks was correct. She was finding comfort in the arms of another man, instead of his. And by the way this man was holding her, they obviously seemed close. No doubt this was her man. It was more heart wrenching to actually see it in front of his eyes than he ever imagined.

"Excuse me sirs," a man spoke, holding a paper bag and some coffee filled cups in his hands.

Severus didn't say anything and stepped aside just like Alan. When he looked at him, he saw the confused look on his face, and just shook his head.

"The cafeteria downstairs wasn't open so I had to run down the street and found a twenty-four hour café," Philippe spoke. "I wasn't going to get anything from the vending machine. Disgusting!"

Once Dean pulled away from Hermione, she saw two very familiar people standing at the door. "Severus!" Right away, she scrambled onto her feet and ran towards him at full speed.

Severus was surprised when he found his arms full of Hermione, and her arms wrapped around his neck tightly. He didn't miss her tears earlier and only held her closer as she continued to cry. If it was any other time, he would've felt relief as he held her again after the longest time, relishing her body against his, but it was anything but that. She truly seemed distress and it had an effect on him. He couldn't help but give a momentary glance at the man that was holding her earlier. What of the French man? What was his relationship with Hermione?

"Severus! Severus!" Hermione cried into his chest as her shoulder continued to shake. His name was muffled, but could still be easily heard by how load she was saying it.

"I'm right here Hermione. I'm right here," he assured her as he kissed her temple several times. His arms tightened around her when she felt her hold on him tightening. He tried to hush her and calm her, but it wasn't working. With much maneuvering, since she didn't seem like she was going to let him go at any moment, he eventually made it to the seats, with her still attached from his right side.

"Hermione…" Alan said as he settled down on the other chair right next to her. He touched her back with his hand, and soothed her.

Hermione looked back and noticed Alan right away, suddenly remembering that he could help her. Immediately, she had her fists wrapped in the front of Alan's dress shirt, pulling at him. "The nurses told us nothing. I don't know what's happening in the OR. Please Alan, please!" she asked.

Alan could only nod, seeing the pain and hearing the desperation in Hermione. However, he couldn't leave right away with her fingers pried into his shirt. He had pulled them away slowly, and allowed Severus to pull her into his arms, before he left to get the answers that Hermione needed.

"Talk to me Hermione, you know you can," Severus said softly, as he cupped her chin with one hand and made her look up at him. For some odd reason, he could see more pain this time around, than the time when she had realized that she was raped. Whoever was in the accident was someone that was very close to her.

"It's my fault Severus. It's all my fault!" Hermione cried.

"I don't understand," he told her, completely baffled as to what she was saying.

"Accident, all my fault," she said. "Me not Alice… Me not Alice." Again she ended up crying into Severus's chest, however, she never stopped talking. She said those three words again and again like a mantra."

Severus didn't know how to react or what to say, so he just held her and showered her head, temple and brow with kisses. It was until he saw the man that was holding her earlier approach them, followed by the other man when he stopped. Was he going to take her away from him and hold her in his arms?

Dean stepped in front of Hermione's chair, and squatted down on his heels along with Philippe. "Hermione, you really shouldn't blame yourself. It was an accident, and accidents happen every day."

"But it was supposed to be me making the delivery, not her. Me! Me! Me!" she cried aloud as she pointed at herself several times in the middle of her chest.

It was then Severus understood why Hermione seemed so distraught. Not only was this Alice person very close to her, but she felt like she was to blame. "It's not your fault, its' not your fault," he whispered in her ear several times over. But she just kept on saying that it was.

Less than five minutes had passed, and Hermione's cries had mellowed down to sobs and the occasional hiccup. Her body had occupied two chairs and her head on Severus's lap as she was curled up on one side. When Dean placed a straw against her mouth, offering her some orange juice, all she did was push it away.

"Come on, you have to at least drink," he told her. Trying to offer some food earlier to bite out of didn't work.

"I'll do it," Severus told him softly, taking the bottle of orange juice from him.

Dean didn't say anything but just glared at him for a second. Without another word, he and Philippe made their way across the other end of the room, sitting themselves down, and eating their breakfasts along with their coffees. Both of them were impatient, still not knowing anything about Alice, but all they really could do was wait.

Hermione needed to feel more of Severus around her. So she moved to sit up on his lap, curling up against his chest.

"Drink," Severus told her, placing the straw against her lips, as he held her with an arms around her. When she shook her head, he tried again. "For me."

Hermione finally gave in, taking a several little sips, before snuggling more into him.

Severus kissed her brow and held her against him, his chin resting on her temple. As he did so, he looked at the other man yet again, noticing that he wasn't paying so much attention to Hermione, which he thought was wrong or rather odd. He was sure that the way he was holding her earlier that they were together. And if Hermione was his, he would stake his claim on her, and hold her like he was never going to let her go. After all, Severus himself was a possessive man.

As he thought about it further, maybe he was wrong. Maybe they weren't together after all. Now the question was, was there really another in her life?

When sunrise arrived, Hermione was sound asleep in Severus's strong and protective arms. Dean and Philippe, as tired as they were, were still very much awake, still waiting for some news from the nurses, or from anyone really. Finally, Alan came through the door, along with Healer Jacobson. Not surprisingly, Jacobson was the one in charge of Alice's case, after all, he was one of the best healers in the hospital.

"How is Alice?" Philippe asked nervously. "Did the operation go well?"

Jacobson introduced himself before answering. "After a collapsed lung, a few other internal injuries, and a concussion, she is well. We have put her under heavy sedatives, which will allow her body to heal. It will be a few days until she wakes up, but overall, she'll be fine."

Dean and Philippe let out a sigh of relief along with Severus.

"Severus, I think you should take Hermione home," Alan suggested softly.

Severus couldn't agree more, and stood up slowly, not wanting his sleeping beauty to awaken. Just when he was about to exit the room, he heard his name being called, and turned to see it was the other man that called him.

"Take care of her," was all he said.

Severus replied with a single nod, and made his way out.

That was the exact confirmation he needed to know that they really weren't together. The other man was only a friend. He reminded himself that Hermione did have more male friends around her, even in the past.

Were things better than he hoped? Could he get back on track, and try to mend her and the both of them together? His questions had to wait, and Hermione was the only one that could answer them.

* * *

AN – I didn't let Alice, so there's no need to kill me. Trust me when I say I had to fight the negative muses who wanted to let her die. I got to vent out into another of my fanfics that I've been working on from time to time. It's an LMHG, and I hope to post it sometime in the future. And with regards to my friend, for now, I am learning to move on without her. **Review!**


	37. Chapter 37

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

* * *

Chapter 37

Hermione woke up, with the weight of very heavy eyelids that refused to open. After several attempts at opening them, she eventually succeeded allowed them to flutter as her eyesight adjusted from its blurry state. When she realized that she was in her own bedroom in her own home, she questioned herself on how she got there. When she realized that there was a strong body behind her, with matching arms holding her, her question was answered, knowing that it was Severus that took her home. Only then did she remember Alice in the hospital and jerked up abruptly to grab her mobile on the nightstand.

Severus woke up because of her sudden movement, and yawned as he stretched his body. For a moment he felt bad, awakening from his peaceful sleep. It was probably the best sleep that he had in two weeks. But he couldn't blame Hermione though with waking in such a manner. He understood completely and she was still distressed over Alice. He continued to question to himself who exactly she was to Hermione. As always, he had to wait until the time she would give him the answers that he needed. Now wasn't exactly the perfect time to ask them.

"Half past noon," Hermione informed him, sitting back against the headboard. "How the bloody hell did I get here? I got to call the hospital." Just when she was about to press the call button, a hand stopped her.

"You're friend Alice, she's in good hands. She's doing well, and will regain consciousness soon enough. Jacobson is the one handling her case. You know he's the best. She hasn't woken up yet, and if there's any updates on her health, Alan or Jacobson himself will call." When he didn't get a response from her, he pulled the phone away from her hand, and set it aside. "Hermione?"

"It was supposed to be me, not her," Hermione started softly. "I was supposed to be the one making the delivery, but she wanted me to rest in instead since I haven't been having enough sleep."

"And why haven't you been getting enough sleep?" Severus questioned. And what about deliveries was she talking about. It then occurred to him that the delivery might be in relation to the plan she had in mind of leaving him when the project was done. Was she still going to leave? Whatever he decision was, he promised himself he was going to follow her. He only prayed that she wouldn't push him away and reject him.

"I see _him_ when I close my eyes," she said brokenly as she looked away from him. She felt ashamed somewhat. "I actually see him on top of me, taking me, hurting me… raping me." Hermione turned to face Severus, and with teary eyes she then said, "And when I open my eyes, you're not there."

"Come here you." Severus wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. Soon enough she was laying on top of him, curled up on his body.

Hermione sighed deeply as she closed her eyes for a moment, relishing the safety, comfort, and love that she had missed. She then asked herself why she ran away from him, when he was exactly what she needed.

Severus had his lips against her brow. "I'm here now," he murmured against her skin. "And I will always be here when you need me. Never doubt that."

"Severus… I'm sorry," Hermione apologized as she looked up at him.

"Whatever for?" he asked with a frown.

"I slapped you when you were only trying to help me. Not only that, but I ran away from you. I only realize now that it's you I need. If you're mad, I'm not going to hold it against you."

"Don't worry about it Hermione, I understand. And I'm not mad."

"How can I make it up to you?"

Severus gave her a small smile. "A kiss on said injured area will do."

Hermione could only smile in return and did as told. After giving him a kiss on the cheek, she lightly trailed her mouth onto his and looked into his deep black eyes. "I love you Sev. I always have, and I always will."

"My Rose," Severus said against her lips before capturing it into a soft and gentle kiss. With her body on top of his, he could feel himself responding to such a kiss. His morning erection was getting harder, and he wanted nothing more than to feel himself buried inside her. He rolled over, and pinned her down with his weight and her ground his erection against her core.

Suddenly the images of Ron being on top of her, and raping her, made Hermione break the kiss and suddenly shut her eyes tightly.

Shit! Severus cursed at himself inwardly. He then moved his lower body off her, setting it by her side, but not on her. "Hermione? Hermione?" he called to her several times until he saw that her eyes opened. When he saw tears fall away from them, he wiped them with the tips of his fingers.

"I'm sorry!" Hermione sobbed.

"No, it's me that should be sorry," Severus said in hushed tones.

"I want to make love to you, I really do."

"And we will when you're ready. I won't force you to do anything that you're not ready for. We will make love again Hermione… one day." Severus then maneuvered both of them so that they were lying side by side, facing each other.

"I want to go and visit Alice," Hermione told him. "I want to be there in case she wakes up."

"She means a lot to you, doesn't she?" Severus asked.

"Everything," she answered back. "She has taught me many things, and because of her, I am who I am today."

"Then I will accompany you…" Severus told her. "That is, if you want me to."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Hermione said. She squeezed his hand, grateful to have him at her side at such a time of need.

* * *

Hermione sat alone outside Alice's room as she waited for Severus's return. He had left earlier to get some food down the street, since they had eaten a small lunch at home. Alice had yet to wake up, and Dean and Philippe left earlier to check on some things on the farm as business still had to run. Dean promised to return a later on so that she wouldn't have to stay with Alice all the time, but that is exactly what Hermione wanted. She didn't want to leave Alice's side.

"Hermione!" a very familiar female voice called from down the hall.

When Hermione turned to the source of the voice, she saw Giselle coming towards her, with Severus a few steps behind.

Giselle immediately wrapped her arms around Hermione as soon as she got to her. "I came as soon as I heard. Narcissa and Lucius would've come, but they have a celebration to hold for the Malfoy Foundation. But I am here if you need me," she told her. "Do you need anything?"

Hermione only shook her head. Despite how things started with her and Giselle, she was pleased that things had worked out smoothly between them. There were no negative qualms towards each other, and they had become good friends. It pleased Hermione to have friends such as her, one that she could confide in and lean on.

"Listen," Giselle started, "with all the bad things that have happened to you, I think you need a vacation. Severus told me you like roses, and there was this place that I wanted to take you to last week, or so, it's just outside the city. But then we can wait until your friend gets better, and she come along too if you want. It might coincide with my birthday, and we'll have a grand celebration. What do you think?"

"Roses?" Hermione questioned. She had a feeling that she knew the destination that Giselle was talking about.

"Yes," Giselle replied. "It's the rose farm with an inn, just a few hours drive away. I've seen pictures and they have the most unique and prettiest roses in the world. Even Narcissa said she was coming."

"What about you?" Hermione asked Severus when she looked up at him. "Are coming along?"

"If you want me to," Severus replied. "Though I cannot say the same for Lucius. He hates Narcissa's gardening and all."

Hermione didn't have to think about it. Her other life with her roses could no longer be hidden. She couldn't hide it anymore, nor did she have a reason to. The truth had to come out, and it was about to come out very soon. With that, she wanted the people who were most important to her to be there, most especially Severus. She just had to lie a little so that she could plan surprise for Giselle. "I'm sure my friend wouldn't mind coming along. But I also want Alan, Lucius and Draco to be there as well."

"Okay," Giselle smiled brightly. "I'm sure Lucius won't be able to say no to you. I'll talk to Malfoys as soon as I talk to Alan." Before she departed she gave Hermione a cheek to cheek, and said her farewells to Severus, leaving the both of them alone.

"Pastrami with cheddar with sourdough bread," Severus said, offering her a deli bag.

Hermione started to eat at her deli sandwich without saying much. More worries had come to mind knowing that everyone would soon know about her life at the rose farm. Her decision remained the same, wanting to buy the farm from Alice, but how was everyone else going to react? Was Alan going to get mad since she had done so little on the potions project and more on a bunch of roses? And what of Severus? Was he going to stay with her there? She doubted it, knowing that potions was his life, and no longer a part of hers.

* * *

It was past midnight, and Severus could only help but stare at Hermione's sleeping form on the couch as he leaned back against the window inside Alice's room. Dean had stopped by earlier, and said that he had some business to take care of, which is why he couldn't stay as promised.

Since Giselle's visit earlier, and offer about vacationing at some rose farm, he noticed that Hermione had somewhat become silent, with barely any words spoken. The look in her eyes told him that she was in very deep thought about something, and it bothered him that he didn't know what it was exactly. He thought that she would be pleased and happy about vacationing at such a place that involved roses, but her reaction told him otherwise. Maybe if things got a little better with Alice, she would be more excited.

"Where am I?" Alice's voice croaked painfully as she brought a hand up to her throat. It hurt to talk.

Right away, Severus was at her side, with a glass of water, allowing her to drink from a straw. "The other night you were in a car accident, and was brought here. You are in the Grand Wing in San Francisco General."

"Thank you," Alice said, frowning at the strange man that she couldn't recognize. Was she suffering from amnesia? "I'm sorry, but who are you?"

"My apologies," Severus said courteously, "I think it's best if I wake Hermione and call for the healers."

"No, wait!" Alice said. She wasn't suffering from amnesia, and right away, she knew who she was talking to when she saw Hermione's sleeping for on the sofa across the room. "I'm sure she needs her rest. Let's have a little talk… Severus."

Severus couldn't hide his shock. "You know who I am?" he asked.

"I know exactly who you are," Alice replied. She then patted the side of her bed, offering him to sit next to her so that she could take a better look at him. When he took his seat, she said, "I've known Hermione for many years. And the first time I saw her, I could clearly see the heartbreak that was written all over her face."

Severus nodded in understanding, knowing that he was the cause of Hermione's heartbreak.

"She has pained and pined over you for so many years," Alice continued. "I can't see her hurting anymore. She deserves all the happiness in the world."

"And with everything that I am, I intend to give it to her," Severus said quietly. The both of them kept their voices in soft tones so as not to wake Hermione up.

"So that means you love her, and I mean truly love her?" Alice asked. She needed to hear it from the horse's mouth, and not just from Hermione's.

"Very much," Severus replied back firmly.

"I may work in the Muggle world Severus, and may not use my wand as often. But Merlin help me, if you break her heart one more time, you will be hexed into nothing, you understand?" Alice warned.

"Yes ma'am." Even though Severus didn't know the witch at all or the capabilities of her magical power, he took Alice's warning seriously. He was slightly scared, having a gut feeling that she could do some damage to him. But he really didn't have to worry. He too made a promise to himself that he no longer would hurt Hermione. She was right, she had been through enough and it was all because of him. He vowed to make Hermione happy for the rest of his life.

* * *

AN – Finally, an update, and finally, Alice and Severus have their little talk. **Review** please, as they are much appreciated and do well for the plot bunnies :)


	38. Chapter 38

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

* * *

Chapter 38

A few days had passed since Alice's release from the hospital. Thanks to her wonderful healers, it was a quick recovery. She immediately went to the farm, and Hermione said she would soon follow.

During her recovery, Hermione visited Alice every while either Dean or Philippe stayed during the night. Severus on the other hand was always on hospital grounds when Hermione visited. For some reason, he couldn't fathom himself to stay in Alice's room for long, only dropping in to say hello. Maybe it was because he felt like he was intruding, or the witch scared him more than usual.

The time had come when Hermione was going to follow Alice to the farm. She, Severus, Lucius, Narcissa, Draco, Alan and Giselle were all riding a stretch limousine. Giselle and Narcissa were all excited about the trip, going on and on about roses much to Lucius's dismay. Hermione on the other hand did feel excitement, but she also felt nervous. How would everyone react if they knew the truth? Most of all, how would Severus react?

Plus, it was Giselle's birthday. Hermione made a few arrangements. Giselle was in for a treat, having a glorious picnic upon her arrival. Another gift was that she would imagine colors of a rose, and Hermione would try to make the rose. Of course, it might take years to develop it, but it was a very nice gift. The rose would also be named after her.

"You okay?" Severus whispered into her ear. "You've been silent most of the time. I thought you'd be more excited about this trip."

"I am excited," Hermione whispered back, before giving his an assuring peck on the cheek. "I love roses because of you."

Severus nodded in agreement as he held her hand on his lap, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"What's the name of the God forsaken place you're dragging me into again," Lucuis drawled. He was seated on the seat behind the driver, far from everyone else. He was clearly unhappy and had no shame in showing it.

"It's called Alice's Inn and Rose Farm," Narcissa gushed to her husband. She and Giselle were like little children going to the candy store, all excited and impatient. "And I didn't drag you, Hermione did."

Lucius only let out a snort. If it was just his wife who was forcing him to come, it may have been a whole different story, and he wouldn't have come. Since it was Hermione though, and with all the hardships she endured recently, he figured a little torture was doable for the sake of her happiness.

Hermione looked solemnly at Lucius. Earlier before the long trip started, she apologized to him when he started complaining, and he said it was okay. She knew that he was telling the truth, and was grateful to have a friend like him. He was very protective towards her, as was everyone else in the limo.

Alice? Did it have any relation to Hermione's friend Alice? Severus questioned himself. After some thought, he came to the conclusion that it didn't. Alice after all, was a very common name.

"Looks like they're setting up for the celebrations," Giselle said as they were in eye's view of the town square. It was one of the busiest weekends for the town, as it was their anniversary of the founding of the town.

The town's people were setting things up, some booths for games and treats, a town maze, and Hermione's favorite, the huge hay bale slide. It was basically a huge wide slide, where one slid down its slippery slope, only to be stopped by hay bales in the bottom.

As they came up to the other edge of town, the farm then started to become visible. Acres upon acres of rose bushes became visible.

"Oh my God!" Narcissa screamed she and Giselle clutched onto each other's hands in excitement.

"Oh please," Lucius said in disgust as he rolled his eyes. "You two are acting like children. Your manners are becoming highly embarrassing. If the both of you continue to act in such a manner, I will pretend not to know either of your throughout the entirety of this vacation.

The two ladies only giggled at his remark, while Alan and Draco could only chuckle.

Hermione kept to herself, enjoying Lucius' torment. It was nice to see a man with such control in his life, lose some of that control over something so miniscule. His complaining was almost comical, like the two women's giddy reactions, but obviously the complete opposite.

As Hermione continued to watch him in silence, she noted that he looked pretty good in casual Muggle clothing—a collared shirt and some khaki pants. It was another side to Lucius that she was new to. Despite his negativity throughout the trip so far, Hermione wished that he would somewhat give in to the negativity at some point, and appreciate roses, most especially her work. She came to the conclusion that Lucius was one of her _real_ and best friends, and his opinion meant a lot to her.

Absentmindedly, Hermione rubbed the small mid section just between her neck and chest. She missed her rose pendant dearly, remembering that she held on to it for dear life just before getting shot. Obviously, it was gone. The gunman probably threw it someplace before getting caught. She didn't want to let it go. Maybe it was a sign though. Now with it gone, she had come to the conclusion that at some point, she had to let it go.

The possibility of things breaking off Severus was still very probable. A very big part of her doubted that he would follow her when she would buy the farm. Potions and Hogwarts was very much a part of his life—or rather even was his life. It would be too much for him to sacrifice and change for her. And if he wasn't going to, she wasn't going to force him. Maybe losing the pendant was a sign that she had to let him go eventually. She already had come to that acceptance. Yes, it was going to hurt, but it would only hurt more to see him give up and throw his life away for her. Forget about it being a probability, when she knew it was going to be true.

Hermione looked across from her and saw Giselle. Yes, it was back to the original plan, but a little bit different. She wasn't going break things off from Severus. Things were going to break off naturally with an understanding, and in the end, he would go back to her. As much as Hermione wanted him in her life, she couldn't be selfish. As the saying goes, 'If you love someone, you have to let them go.' And that time was coming very soon.

Of course, the project with Alan was one of the few things that never left Hermione's mind. She promised herself she was going to finish it long ago, and finish it she was going to do. Even if at that point in time, things were to be broken off with Severus, she could live with him and her having a strictly personal relationship. It would definitely be difficult, but life really wasn't easy, most especially hers. Hermione knew that he would be happy with his life the way it currently was, potions and Hogwarts, and she would be happy for him. on the other hand, she would be happy with her roses, and learn how to be happy alone.

Again, like before, Hermione's time with Severus, them being together—an us, was becoming limited. And she wanted to cherish every single moment with him before things were to come to an end. She let go of his hand, and placed her arms beneath his jacket, wrapping them around his body. She snuggled against his warmth, closed her eyes and fought against the tears that were forming beneath her eyes. No, she wasn't going to cry. Not now.

"Hermione, you okay?" Severus asked softly as he bent his head to look at her face. Clearly there was something wrong.

"Just a little carsick," Hermione replied with a small lie. "The trip's been a little too long."

"We're almost there," he told her, just before he kissed her brow. Severus then sat back, and held her close as he ran small circles on the small of her back. Truth be told, he was quite anxious about the trip. He hid it well behind his demeanor, not showing his anxiety. No way would he be acting like Narcissa and Giselle at any point that was for sure.

Ever since he and Hermione had become a couple again, his performance in the romance department was low. Sure they kissed and cuddle, but he needed to prove his love to her, showering her with lots of romantic gifts, more actions and whatever else more. In fact the only romantic gesture that he actually did so far since they got together was when he gave her a rose on the beach. Years ago, he remembered buying her a rose daily. Why didn't he do that again? They were too caught up in all the problems.

Now they were headed to a rose farm. He was trying to think up of possible plans on what to do there, hoping for some lavish romantic possibilities. Rose petals on the bed, picnic surrounded by roses, rose this and rose that. He had numerous ideas in his head, hoping that at least some of them were doable. One thing he wanted to do for sure was to buy roses, by the hundreds and thousands, and give it all to her. He had to make up for lost time for not giving her roses. Lost time was eight years plus a few months. Heck, he'd even buy her the entire place if she wanted it. All roses, just for her.

"We're here!" Narcissa and Giselle said in unison as they clapped their hands excitedly.

"Whooptidoo…" Lucius grumbled.

When they pulled up in front of the inn, Narcissa and Giselle were the first ones to get out of the limo, with everyone else following behind.

"Bacon!" Hermione exclaimed happily when she saw him running towards her. She squatted down, ready to be greeted by his wet kisses, but it didn't happen. Instead Bacon rushed to Severus who was standing right next to her, jumping at him, enjoying a nice pet."Really?" she cocked an eye brow down at Bacon as she stood up. "You only meet him now, and you like him better than me?"

"Don't be jealous Hermione," Severus said with a small chuckle. He was an animal lover, and could clearly see that Bacon was quite playful. But how did Hermione know him?

"Looks like Bacon approves of Severus," Alice commented as she walked out the front entrance with Dean and Philippe behind her.

"True, otherwise I'd have to dump him," Hermione said with a small curl on her lip as she glanced at Severus for a brief moment before walking to them. She then greeted the three of them with hugs and introduced them to her friends.

Dump him? Alice of the rose farm was the same as Hermione's Alice? There were numerous questions that just popped up in his head all at once as he stood back and watch Hermione introduce everyone else to each other. And there was something else familiar. He recognized the place with the front backdrop and all but couldn't remember exactly where he had seen it.

Alan too was also surprised to see Hermione's friend Alice, but obviously not as much as Severus.

"And Narcissa and Giselle here couldn't stop quit yapping about this place ever since the trip was planned. Very excited to see the roses," Hermione explained.

"You have the most beautiful roses in the world!" Giselle complimented.

"Thank you," Alice smiled, "But I can't take credit for them," she added looking at Hermione.

"Is everything ready?" Hermione suddenly asked, changing the subject. It wasn't the right time to bring it up. Too soon, she thought.

"Yes," Philippe replied.

"Excellent," Hermione said as she clapped her hand once and looked at Giselle. "Since it is your birthday, I've arranged for a fabulous gourmet picnic. And all of you will not be disappointed with the food. It will be possibly the best you've ever tasted."

"That means you'll be gaining some weight Father," Draco told his father, earning a glare back from him. Since his old man wouldn't be interested in roses at all, he would focus his interests on food. After all, Lucius was never one to turn down food.

"But first," Alice said as she turned to Hermione. "Someone inside wants to see you. It's important."

Suddenly, it came to Severus. He knew exactly why it seemed so familiar. He remembered the photo of Hermione smiling with a rose tucked behind her ear, and the inn in the backdrop. She had been here before. This was her special getaway place.

* * *

AN – Doubtful Hermione yet again, can you blame her? Now some of Sev's questions have been answered. The outcome, truth, and reactions are getting closer. But who is the important person that wants to see Hermione? **Review!**


	39. Chapter 39

Disclaimer - I own nothing! I'm just borrowing from J.K. Rowling!

* * *

Chapter 39

Hermione wondered who was important and wanted to see her. As she entered the inn, she thought that it was another bride that wanted her input designs in her soon to be wedding. Since Hermione wasn't on the farm so much, she never really got involved in wedding plans and all. But when she was on the farm, she was very much in demand.

"Hermione!" a very familiar man greeted her as he stood up from the lobby couch.

"Neville!" Hermione greeted in return with a hug. All the while, she wondered what he was doing here, or rather, why he wanted to see her. What was so important? They weren't close friends or kept in touch about anything. As far as she knew, he was married to Hannah Abbott. "How's Hannah?"

"Doing well. Our third child is almost due. Another girl," Neville replied with a very happy and glowing smile. He then looked towards the rest of Hermione's companions and greeted them. "Professor Snape. I can't say the students at Hogwarts miss you."

Severus could only scowl at Neville with his usual demeanor. They weren't exactly friends, even after the war. Colleagues were more like it, but at a very low level. Neville did spend a lot of his time in Hogwarts as Professor Sprout's assistant and soon to be replacement, but that time for replacement had yet to come, as the old witch was too stubborn to retire. Still, Neville helped her a lot, and on occasion, taught some classes when she couldn't. Severus still saw him as that dunderhead in class that always managed to screw and blow potions up.

"So, why are you here?" Hermione asked out of curiosity.

"I've come here to talk to you about some really, really, really good news," Neville replied.

"Why don't we go somewhere private?" Alice suggested. The lobby was no place for such news. "You can go alone with Neville, or have all your friends accompany you. But I think that this news is wonderful news to share with everyone."

"I think I'd like all of you to come along," Hermione said as she looked at all of her friends and lastly at Severus before taking his hand. In her mind, she tried to figure out why on earth Neville was here in the first place, and what kind of news he had for her. "Good news is only better when shared."

"I'll ask Sheila for drinks to be served," Philippe said.

Soon enough, everyone was gathered in restaurant that was empty since it wasn't lunch or tea time. A few tables had been combined to form one long table. Neville sat across from Hermione, while Severus sat right next to her.

Neville set aside the fresh fruit punch as he set a very thick folder down in front of him. "Well Hermione, I've been following your research for about three years," he started.

"Potions?" Hermione questioned in confusion.

"No, I think a lot of us know that I have absolutely no talent there." Neville replied.

"He's been following your _other _research," Alice said with a small nod.

"Oh," Hermione said, letting go of Severus's hand.

It seemed like the time had come to break the news to Severus and Alan, and this wasn't how she imagined she would break it to them. Plus, she had a feeling that Neville would charge her with some sort of malpractice in Herbology since she wasn't a mistress. Working with roses in such a complex way did need for someone who was an expert, which was something she was not. Not only did worry start to course through her, but so did anger. No one was supposed to know, but apparently, Alice told Neville. How was this supposed to be really, really, really good news? In fact, it seemed like the total opposite.

Angry, Hermione stood up from her chair and glared at Alice. "I thought we agreed it to be a secret?"

"It was until he came here, wanting to know about the roses. Your creations—your hybrids—your roses," Alice answered.

"You're roses?" Giselle stammered in confusion.

"Yes," Hermione hissed. "All the pictures that you showed me the other day of unique hybrids are all my creation." As she glanced at everyone at the table, a majority of them were in shock.

"You mean you did that all?" Alan asked in shock.

Sighing in defeat, Hermione walked away towards the glass doors and looked at the numerous rose bushes outside. She felt terrible, not being able to look at Alan. She felt as if she had lied to him for many years, focusing and working somewhere else from time, when she should've focused on potions a hundred percent. It wasn't fair to him when he had given her so much in return. Maybe if her heart was in potions, things would've been different.

"So are you going to tell me I'm banned from practicing anything in the Herbology industry?" Hermione questioned. "Doesn't matter, it's only a hobby. And to think I had made my decision to buy this place," she thought out aloud.

Alan was more than shocked to hear the recent words that had come out of Hermione's mouth, but Severus was the one that was in the most shock. In an instant, all his questions had been answered, and it all made sense to him.

"A hobby that you are clearly good at," Neville stated firmly. He knew why Hermione's behavior had suddenly changed negatively.

Alice informed him long ago that Hermione's research was supposed to be secret. Now, the time had come when the secret had to be shared with many, including the entire world.

"You've succeeded so much in such little time. You could give any Herbology Master on Mistress a run for their money. I've even forwarded your research to the World Board of Herbology since Sprout is a member and they were very much in awe of your work."

"Then why are you here if not to ban me?" Hermione asked with her back still in front of everyone.

"I'm here on behalf of the board and to inform you that you have been givin the title of Herbology Mistress," Neville answered.

Hermione blinked several times as she tried to process what she had just heard. No, it couldn't be right. Her ears must've been fooling her. She turned to find Neville smiling brightly at her along with everyone else. "What?" she asked in disbelief.

"I said, you've been given the title of Herbology Mistress," Neville said again, speaking more clearly. "And not just any title, but the title of Honorary Mistress, which of course is the highest title that anyone can get. And did I also tell you that you will be getting the additional title of Herbology Mistress of the century?"

Hermione couldn't believe her ears. She had to be dreaming or this was one stupid cruel joke! "This is a joke right?" she asked. When she saw the smug grin on Draco's face, she pointed at him. "You're idea no doubt!"

"Hey, I didn't do anything," Draco said in protest, raising his hands up. He was completely innocent. The grin on his face was one of happiness for her and it wasn't at all smug.

"This is no joke Hermione," Dean spoke.

"Oh, and you've been given the title Mistress of the Century, I'm here to ask you if you'd like to give the speech at the upcoming herbology symposium this coming January. It'll be in Venice. Can I get a yes from you?" Neville asked. He was leaning towards a yes. After all, someone who was given such a title or one of many was more or less required to.

Suddenly, the room seemed to get smaller for Hermione and her chest started to tighten. She turned to open the sliding doors leading out to the patio, needing some fresh air. She was in complete disbelief that the world around her started to turn.

"Hermione!" Severus gasped as he saw her start to sway. He bolted out of his chair immediately and ran to her, just catching her before she barely hit the ground.

Everyone too went onto the patio, worried about Hermione.

"Breathe Hermione, just breathe," Severus spoke softly to her as he held her against his chest. He felt her arms go around his neck as she started to sob hiding her face in its crook.

"Did I say something wrong?" Neville questioned with a frown. He then jumped back in surprise when Hermione leapt off Severus's arms, and started to run and shout like a mad woman.

"You said nothing wrong Longbottom," Severus spoke as he watched the love of his life at her happiest moment. "The tears, shouting and her craziness are all signs of her being very happy."

"I did it! I did it!" Hermione shouted at the top of her lungs with a very wide smile on her face. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine to become a Herbology Mistress. "Woohoo!"

"So I'll take it as a yes then that you'll be speaking at the symposium?" Neville asked aloud. He was surprised the second time around when Hermione came at him and jumped at him, wrapping her arms and legs around him for support, giving him a quick and firm kiss on the cheek, before continuing on her running and shouting for joy. "I'll take it as a yes then."

Everyone started to clap and whistle at Hermione for her success. They were happy. She was happy.

* * *

AN – Where you expecting that? Short chapter, I know, but we finally have a very happy Hermione. :) **Review!**

(And if anyone's interested, I've written a new "Sense and Sensibility" oneshot. The story is posted and you can see it via my profile. I am currently swooning over Colonel Brandon yet again after having watched the movie for the nth time.)


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